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AI JERK OFF
Tales of the Witch Hunter v26.1
5.0 0

⏰ Added: 👁 0
This one hits that weird spot between horny fanfic and somebody’s actual DnD campaign notes that got corrupted by Pornhub. You play this witch hunter guy who is supposed to be all righteous and stoic, but honestly he feels like one of those burned-out heroes from old eroge, the type who drinks too much and still gets every girl because plot says so. The church sends this nun to give him a job, and she’s one of those “I’m totally pure, ignore my huge tits and the way I keeps licking my lips when we talk about sin” types. Their first real scene together already sets the tone: she’s all formal, talking about God and duty, and the camera just slowly drifts down her body while she pretends not to notice the hunter staring. Old-school pacing. No instant blowjob. Just that slow tease where she leans in a bit too close, her habit shifts, little bit of cleavage, and suddenly the game throws a tiny choice at you like, do you keep eye contact or let your gaze drop. It doesn’t actually matter much, but it makes the flirting feel dirty in a good way, like you got caught.

What I liked is how the sex scenes feel like those late 90s fantasy H things where they took their time. First time the hunter actually gets laid, it’s not some overproduced Marvel porn. It’s a cramped hut, the witch is half exhausted from the fight, and instead of instant tender romance she’s pissed off, spitting insults, then suddenly she snaps and kisses him mid-argument. They stumble over some alchemy crap, knock a candle, and she ends up on top, grinding against him through his pants while breathing hard, muttering stuff like “you fucking hunters are all the same” right into his mouth. When he finally gets her naked, there’s this nice little moment where she hesitates, covers herself with her arms, then the dev lets the animation loop on her hips slowly rocking as he pushes inside for the first time. Vaginal, nice angle, you see her expression actually change with the rhythm, not just those dead puppet eyes a lot of AI CG stuff has now. The blowjob scenes are better than I expected too. There’s one where the nun kneels in a side chapel, candles flickering, rosary still around her neck, and she starts with these soft little licks on the tip like she’s “testing” sin. Then she gets carried away, hand twisting on the shaft, spit running down, her eyes glassy like she’s about to confess and cum at the same time. I didn’t even skip the loop, which is rare for me now, I’m too old for that.

But the game can be a bit of a mess. The humor tries to be Witcher parody sometimes and lands like some lost Newgrounds flash joke. There’s a scene where the hunter meets a monster that is clearly supposed to be the “bargain bin leshen” and he cracks a line about union fees that made me just stare at the screen and open Twitter to complain, then forget what I was complaining about. Some dialogue feels like it was written by different people on different days. One line he’s this bitter veteran, next line he sounds like a horny teenager going “booba” in slightly better grammar. The combat bits are, well, there. You pick skills, sometimes the numbers appear, sometimes the game just skips straight to the result and you’re like “ok I guess I won.” I had one fight where I chose a careful approach, tried to actually roleplay the hunter as cautious, and the game still shoved me into a scene where he just charges in like a shonen idiot. Still got rewarded with titty though, so whatever. There’s this one really small thing that annoyed the hell out of me: the text box sometimes jumps a pixel up and down between lines, tiny tiny jitter. I noticed it once during a serious talk about his dead lover, and after that I couldn’t unsee it, kept watching the box instead of reading the words. But then the next minute I’m watching a fully animated scene of a witch riding his cock in some ruined tower, her hair flying, her moans timed with the thrusts, and I kinda forget everything I was mad about. Or maybe I just got old and this reminds me of those ancient fan-translated nukige on shady sites on my old ThinkPad, where nothing was perfect but the vibes were strong and the girls actually sounded like they wanted to fuck, not like they were reading SEO text. Anyway, it’s rough in places, it’s horny as hell, and the hunter somehow keeps his pants on way longer than any man in his position would. Which I respected. Then hated. Then respected again. I don’t even know.

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