First time I saw this thing, I laughed at the title and thought it would be another fake edgy porn game that pretends to be dark and then gives you high school drama. It really is not that. The world here feels like someone took a fairytale kingdom, flipped it into a cold matriarchal dictatorship, then forgot to clean up all the blood and semen on the way out. You play this royal bastard, Mordred, stuck inside an order of female knights that looks holy on the outside and rots everywhere inside. Half of your time you are talking in candle-lit halls, watching armored women argue about justice while their boots are still wet from torture. The other half, you're either getting your cock worshipped or crushed by the same women who just gave a speech about honor. It has this strange animation style for the cutscenes, where faces twitch a bit too long, eyes linger a bit too low, and the camera loves legs a lot more than is healthy. Not that I complain. I will still complain that some hair keeps clipping through armor slightly in one of the early scenes and now I can't unsee it, thanks.

The cutscenes work like little theater plays. One moment you're in the chapel while a knight commander lectures Mordred about loyalty. You can choose to be respectful, mocking, or quietly plotting. If you push her too far, next scene she has you alone, back pressed to a stone pillar, gauntleted hand around your throat, other hand unbuckling your belt, her voice totally calm as she jerks you off like it's just another punishment. The animation is not "clean", it has small weird movements, fingers pressing into skin, her lips brushing your ear when she whispers about how dogs shouldn't cum before their mistress. And then another route lets you flip it, pin her instead, push her on her knees so her polished boots are on your shoulders while you fuck her mouth, the camera staying low on the floor to show her drool hitting the stone. It all feels like somebody actually thought about power, not just tits. Sometimes the pacing is terrible. There's a scene with a healer knight who spends so much time talking about ethics that by the time she finally lowers herself and licks along your shaft, I almost forgot this was porn and not a weird philosophy podcast on Spotify. But when her hands glow and she "tests" your body with magic while sucking you off, the mix of healing light and messy blowjob is honestly hot in a way I didn't expect.

What caught me is how the game keeps switching between being horny and being kind of mean. You have these RPG bits, turn based fights where you pick skills while staring at women in heavy armor who later will make you kiss their feet as reward or as humiliation, depending if you played submissive or manipulative in dialog before. One battle ends, and immediately you get a quiet little romance moment on the battlements, your commander resting her legs in your lap, telling you a story about the revolution while she uses your tongue on her toes like it's the most normal thing. The camera focuses on her feet, then her tired face, then your wet chin. Feels intimate and fucked up at same time. Sometimes Mordred sounds like a smug porn protagonist, sometimes more like a 4chan user who accidentally grew a conscience, and the game doesn't decide which version is real. That weird inconsistency somehow works. Oral scenes are everywhere: knights using you to blow off stress before councils, a noble girl who never touched a sword but uses her soft hands on your cock with this almost terrified curiosity, a rough alleyway encounter where you shove a rebel priestess to her knees and grab her hair so hard you see tears mix with spit. And yeah, some romance is there too, quiet scenes where you share stories on a bunk, fingers brushing, no sex at all, which almost feels more indecent because you know what both of you are capable of. The AI-ish CG makes some poses look slightly unnatural, like joints bending a bit off, but it adds this uncanny vibe that fits a world where power and affection are always twisted. I kinda wish they fixed that one scene where the armor strap just disappears between frames. They won't. And I will keep noticing it while I watch a holy knight choke on Mordred's cock like faith alone will not save her.

First thing that hit me with Trick or Tease is how it feels like some horny shitpost someone made after scrolling too much Twitter in October, but then it actually kinda works. It’s literally just a tiny Halloween story: three girls in costumes, bored of normal party stuff, decide that instead of candy they want a married guy in a Batman suit. They show up on his porch, he’s trying to be this “good husband” type, they tease him, they push, and in ten minutes you go from “cute cosplay banter” to “ok that marriage is dead, rest in peace.” If you like clean, nice, pure romance, yeah this is not it. The best part for me is how quick it drops the mask. One of the girls is in this maid uniform that looks like something straight from those cheap cosplay sets on Amazon, all short skirt and useless little apron, and she uses it like a weapon. She’s flirting, bending, pressing her thighs around him, doing that “oops did I drop something” trick again and again until you’re like man, just fuck already, stop pretending this is about pumpkin decorations.

I like sad stuff, and the cheating angle here is just mean in a fun way. They keep mentioning his wife, not in a deep way, more like a running joke. “Is your wife home?” “She trusts you, right?” And Batman guy is trying to hold himself back, but you literally watch him fail in real time. The game doesn’t waste time on choices, there is no “good end” where he stays loyal. It’s all kinetic, you just click through and watch him sink deeper. At some point one of the girls climbs on his lap on that porch chair, still in costume top, tits half out, and you see his resolve just melt. They’re laughing, touching, pushing his boundaries, and he’s already too turned on to care. The animations are short but punchy: hips grinding in his lap, her maid skirt flipping up, his hands shaking while he moves her panties aside. And I swear the sound of that stupid plastic Halloween decoration in the background annoyed the shit out of me, but they keep cutting back to it like it’s watching the whole thing. I’m still mad about that crow, or raven, whatever it is.

The cosplay theme is actually kinda hot because it never goes into deep lore. The “Batman” thing is just there as a costume, not some big parody where they overdo the jokes. There’s this quick part where one girl in, I think, a succubus outfit, licks the fake bat logo on his chest and calls him “hero” in this mocking tone, and I felt bad for him and horny at the same time. He’s clearly not some giga-chad, more like a normal dude that picked the wrong house to sit in front of. The girls are the ones in control, especially the maid. She moves from teasing to straight-up riding him on the porch while the others cheer her on, and he keeps glancing at the door like he expects his wife to come out, but nobody does. The camera likes close-ups: panties sliding aside, messy kisses, cum dripping on costume fabric at the end. It’s not romantic, it’s not sweet. It’s dirty, a bit cruel, and very fast, like a quick jerk session between scrolling TikTok and opening Discord. I kinda wish it was longer, but also I like that it just hits that “oh shit he really cheated outside his own house with three Halloween sluts” beat and then cuts off. Also, there’s a pumpkin somewhere that keeps changing place between shots, and it drove me insane.

This one feels like someone took a horny Mass Effect parody, put it through a blender, forgot the lid, and just went with the mess. In a good way. Mostly. The whole thing starts with your guy waking up in the wreck of his apartment after someone tried to blow him to pieces, which is honestly pretty relatable if you ever had a landlord. The galaxy is all shiny and far away from Earth, nobody even remembers what happened to the old blue ball, and the game just shrugs and says “who cares, go chase pussy and conspiracies.” You’re this male protagonist who should probably be dead, your partner has vanished, and instead of quiet investigation you end up jumping ship to ship, station to station, talking shit, flirting with literally everyone with a pulse, and getting dragged into bigger stuff you absolutely do not have the mental health for. It has that kind of sci‑fi vibe where half the tech doesn’t make sense and the characters treat it like a broken phone: hit it, swear at it, it works again.

The sex scenes are honestly the thing that hooked me more than the story, and I say this as someone who actually likes reading dialogue. The animations are not perfect, like sometimes a hand goes a bit weird, but there’s this dirty energy that feels more like watching amateur porn with a storyline instead of that cold factory stuff. There’s proper voice acting too, and it is wild how much that changes the vibe. Having a girl moan in your ear while she gives a handjob or goes down on you, actually reacting to what’s happening on screen, even if the accent is sometimes like “where are you from exactly, space IKEA?” I was playing on my phone with headphones on in a café and legit almost threw my phone when one of the girls started this breathy dirty talk in the middle of a footjob scene. People looked. I pretended I was just very emotional about Twitter. Sometimes the voice work is weirdly good, then it drops to kind of amateur level again, but honestly that makes it feel more human. Porn with slightly awkward timing is still porn. Also, the game is not shy with vaginal sex at all. You’ll go from small talk about ship repairs to raw pounding with like two lines of transition, and for some reason that harsh cut works better than all those “romantic” fades other games keep doing. Oh, and the harem angle sneaks up on you. First you think “ok, one girl, maybe two,” and next thing you’re in a situation where three women with different attitudes and body types are basically orbiting you, throwing jealousy and jokes, and sometimes getting on top of each other instead of you. There is one blowjob sequence where one girl keeps eye contact the whole time while another character is just offscreen arguing about some mission thing, and I swear that weird mix of plot and throat work is the most “real” porn gaming moment I had in months.

The part that surprised me was how casually it throws graphic violence in between the lewd bits. One second you’re watching your MC get a messy, spit‑heavy blowjob, the next scene shows someone’s body spaced, blood freezing in a way that made me go “ok, that’s actually nasty.” It is not tasteful at all, it is just “yep, space is cruel, anyway want a footjob later?” There’s this one fight where things go south and you see a character get shot point blank, and I honestly thought the game would cut away, but no, it stays there longer than needed. Made the following sex scene awkward in my brain for like five seconds, then there was this slow handjob with nice sound design and my brain just happily forgot the corpse. Brain is cheap like that. The sci‑fi humor is very hit and miss: sometimes it’s solid banter, like your guy roasting some alien for their stupid weapons, sometimes it sounds like Reddit trying to write Whedon dialogue. I actually laughed when a character made a completely wrong reference to some old Earth meme, like they half‑remembered it from corrupted archives. There’s also this tiny thing that annoyed me: the UI button for skipping voiced lines is just a bit too near the auto‑advance on mobile, so I kept fat‑fingering it on my Pixel and losing lines, and I’m still mildly pissed about that and it will never be fixed and I’ll die slightly angry. But then they hit me with another wet, noisy oral sex scene, the camera right where it should be, hips moving in that slow grind that feels heavier than the earlier quickies, and I just forget what I was complaining about. And then remember. And then forget again. Honestly, the whole game feels like that: messy, horny, a bit cruel, kind of funny, very unbalanced, but somehow you keep tapping the screen anyway, like a monkey in a lab that discovered the orgasm button.

Classes, homework, horny brain that cannot shut up. That is basically the vibe here. You play this dude who is supposed to care about lectures and grades, but his attention lives somewhere between his dick and the bouncing asses walking around campus. The game spends time on that little dead zone between “normal uni life” and “what the fuck did I just walk in on,” and it actually leans into the awkward student feeling. One minute you are in a boring classroom, teacher talking about something you will forget in two seconds, and the next you catch a glimpse of her bending over the desk in a way that makes you instantly forget how to breathe. The camera really loves big tits and big asses, like… worship-level love. There is a scene early on where you are just supposed to look for a textbook in the library, but of course you end up peeking around a shelf, watching a girl think she is alone while she slips her hand inside her panties. It is not subtle, at all. You can either pretend to be a gentleman and look away, or stay, hand in pants, breathing too loud, terrified someone will hear you. Guess which option feels more natural.

It plays like one of those visual novels where you click through dialogue and pray you do not pick the “idiot” answer. The fun part is how often a stupid little choice later drops a plot twist in your lap. You tease a shy student once, like just a dumb joke about her skirt, and hours later you find out she has a secret folder on her phone full of… you. Screenshots. From class. From the dorm. From that one time you thought no one saw you jerking off over your laptop. That hit kinda hard, not gonna lie. The game really likes voyeur stuff, and it does not always keep you in control. Sometimes you are the one peeking through doors. Sometimes you realize someone has been doing the same to you. That moment when you notice a hidden camera in the corner of the common room and remember how many times you adjusted your cock in your pants there? Yeah. Instant cold sweat and instant hard-on at the same time. It gets funny too, in a dumb horny way. There is this running gag where the MC keeps trying to act like a romantic lead, saying smooth lines he probably copied from some dating advice subreddit, and the girls just look at him like, “are you okay?” Then two scenes later they are grinding on his lap in a locked classroom while the teacher is right outside the door asking if everyone finished the assignment. The humor is kind of clumsy, some jokes feel like someone translated them twice through Google, but that actually matches the energy. Like a real uni life: messy, not polished, full of secrets you only learn because you stayed a little too long, watched a little too closely, and touched yourself when you really should not.

War in this game doesn’t feel clean at all. Everything is humming, buzzing, a little wrong, like the whole space station is breathing slow and wet around you. You’re tossed into Alexis’ head right after this lunar mess, and the world around him is all hard metal, cold corridors, alarms that whine in the background while the camera just lingers too long on another guy’s neck, his jaw, the way sweat slides down under the collar of a uniform that’s clearly one size too tight on purpose. It’s funny, because the story pretends to care about strategy meetings and patrol routes and alien intel, but the real action is in those tiny pauses when Osman leans a bit too close, when Evan’s voice drops for no reason, when Leon looks like he wants to punch a wall or kiss it. There’s this low constant echo in the sound design, just a little reverb on footsteps and doors, and somehow it makes every quiet conversation feel like it’s happening in a hidden corner where you’re not supposed to be, but you stay, because of course you stay.

First time you get Alexis alone in the barracks, the game lets you click around useless shit, like his datapad, the locker, the stupid little plant that somehow survived an alien invasion. I spent way too long poking that plant. It wiggles in this pathetic way and doesn’t matter at all, but I kept expecting it to do something horny. It never does. Anyway, the real heat starts when Osman shows up with that lazy grin and sits on the edge of the bed, and the music just drops to this slow, pulsing beat that feels like it’s syncing with your pulse… or lower. There’s no silly fade out when things get explicit. You actually hear belts, zippers, the soft thud of bodies against the mattress, the little breath Alexis sucks in when fingers go somewhere new. The choices here aren’t explained much. You get lines like “Push him further” or “Hold back” and you’re just thrown into it. Sometimes the “gentle” option leads to Alexis getting his throat fucked rough, and the “aggressive” one just turns into a desperate cuddle against a bulkhead after a mission. That messy, not-quite-logical reaction of the game feels actually honest, like sex after trauma isn’t neat or predictable, it’s all over the place.

The sci-fi side is weirdly intimate too. You’re on this ship in the middle of nowhere, “protecting mankind”, but really you’re just watching horny soldiers try to forget everything for a while. A briefing room scene with Leon starts as a boring report about alien movements, then your choice to “reassure him” ends with his hand on your throat, pushing you back into the commander’s chair, the big holographic map of the war flickering calmly while he grinds against you, still half in uniform, half undone, like the galaxy can wait while he ruts. Later with Evan, you’re supposed to be calibrating some scanner, but the game keeps letting your eyes drift down to his crotch, his tailbone, the hint of muscle under the suit. The interface even tilts a bit, like Alexis is losing focus. There’s this one shot where the window shows the dark of space, a slow blue flare of some distant thing, and in front of it you just see their silhouettes, one guy on his knees, the other bracing against the console, sounds of sloppy head mixing with the quiet hum of the ship. It’s hot, but also kind of sad, and then suddenly it’s funny again because a random alert pops and you both have to scramble, dripping, to act like nothing happened. It’s clumsy, horny, sometimes too slow, sometimes it rushes you right into a scene where you’re pressed between two bodies and a cold wall, and none of it feels polished. Which is exactly why it sticks in your mind when you close the browser and realize you still hear that low ship hum in your ears, together with the little broken noises Alexis makes when someone finally pushes him way past what he thought he wanted.

Ryuko walking back into that twisted academy in her busted-up school uniform feels almost casual at first, like she’s just visiting old classmates, and then suddenly she’s standing in front of Satsuki again and the whole thing flips from nostalgia to “oh fuck, this is a problem.” The story throws you right into this weird mix of sister drama and horny power struggle, where every girl in a sailor uniform seems one step away from either choking Ryuko out with her thighs or forcing her face into a very wet apology. It’s a parody, sure, but it doesn’t act like a joke. The uniforms are treated almost like weapons, and clothes only exist so they can be yanked, torn, or used to pin someone down while they’re being made to lick, swallow or just squirm and try to pretend they’re not moaning. You get a lot of shots of Ryuko trying to act tough while on her knees, mouth full, eyes half-wet with humiliation and frustration, and it kind of nails that messy feeling of “I hate this” at the exact same time as “don’t stop.”

The whole tournament thing is basically a ladder of bad decisions. Every round is another girl who wants Satsuki’s attention and is totally fine using Ryuko as a toy to get it. One fight will be more like a wrestling match where you’re slammed to the floor, skirt flipped, panties dragged aside and fingers working you open while the crowd laughs. Next, it turns into a femdom lesson where some smug chick in a pristine uniform sits on Ryuko’s face, holding her by the hair, making her eat pussy until she either taps out or cums first. The game is really into the humiliation side of things, so Ryuko ends up forced to masturbate in public, legs shaking while everyone watches, or she has to orally service a rival in front of Satsuki, like a test of “how far will you go for your sister.” Sometimes it feels romantic for half a second, like when Satsuki quietly touches Ryuko’s cheek after a match and calls her “pure,” and then a moment later she has her pushed against a wall, hand between her legs, testing how “pure” she really is. Lesbian stuff here isn’t soft; it’s messy, rough, full of power plays, spanking, forced poses, girls pressed to cold floors with their asses up, being told to beg for cock that never appears, only more tongue and fingers. And yeah, the accessibility is weirdly decent for an adult game, text pretty clear to follow, but then a big choice pops up and the focus order gets all fucked for a second and you kind of forget what you were trying to click while someone is describing how Ryuko’s mouth looks stretched around a rival’s dripping slit, and by then you’re not really complaining anymore.

City like this always feels a bit horny and a bit dangerous at the same time. You start as this broke delivery guy, running boring routes, talking shit to yourself in the dark streets, wondering if rent or your sanity dies first. Then one very wrong encounter later, your throat is open, everything goes black, and when you wake up you’re a vampire with a hard-on and a second life you didn’t ask for. It’s not some sparkly teenage drama either. People bleed. Heads crack. The game doesn’t fade to black when someone gets ripped apart, it actually shows you. And in the middle of that mess you’re trying to figure out if you want to be the tragic romance type or just a complete bastard corrupting every girl who crosses your path. One moment you’re having a semi-sweet talk with a shy “good girl” virgin who trusts you because you saved her from some creep, next moment you’re pushing her down on a stained mattress, finger in her ass, making her choke on your cock and calling that “training”. The writing really leans into that: one path lets you act like a protective love interest, the other like a walking red flag with fangs. Both feel right for a vampire, honestly.

What makes it fun is that it’s not only click through text and watch boobs bounce. You wander the city like in a small adventure game, poking into alleys, shops, shady clubs, even some weird paranormal spots. You pick jobs, take quests, grind stats, unlock new powers. Get stronger, get richer, get more dangerous. Superpowers and corruption go hand in hand: you charm a milf long enough and suddenly she’s begging to be your personal blood bank, legs wide open while you decide if you want to cum in her pussy or in her ass. Some scenes start almost wholesome, like you just giving a massage, a bit of teasing, a slow handjob. Then toys appear. Vibrators, plugs, collars. You pull her hair, make her ride you until there is a sloppy creampie dripping down her thighs, and she thanks you like it’s a religious experience. There is this nice whiplash between male domination and female domination too. You think you’re in control, then an older vampire girl puts a heel on your chest, jerks you off nice and slow, stops right before you cum and tells you exactly whose pet you are now. The incest angle is handled in that porn logic way: everyone acts like they know it’s taboo but they just keep going, touching, groping, “accidentally” walking in during masturbation, turning family drama into porn logic romance. And yeah, there is prostitution, actual street girls, deals for blood and sex, sometimes both at once. Some routes let you keep things romantic, soft kisses, gentle vaginal sex, cuddling after. Others push you into being a complete pervert, using mind control to turn a decent woman into a cock drunk toy who offers anal just because you smiled at her. It’s messy and a bit trashy and also kind of addicting, like watching late night anime that suddenly went full hentai without telling anyone.

This thing feels like someone smashed a bloody vampire revenge story together with a porn addict’s search history and then just said “yeah ok, that’s the game now”. You start as either a pissed-off guy or a pissed-off girl, both with that “my life’s a mess and something supernatural is going on” vibe. The city feels half modern, half weird gothic fantasy, like you’re walking home from work and suddenly there’s a mind controlling monster girl in the alley who wants way more than directions. One moment you’re trying to figure out who ruined your old life, next moment you’re on your knees, some smug bastard using you like you’re part of the furniture, and the game just treats that as a normal Tuesday. A lot of scenes feel less like “romance” and more like “ok, you lost control of your own body, enjoy being turned into a toy”. The mind control parts are uncomfortable in a hot way if you’re into that: you click one choice and suddenly your character is begging to suck cock they clearly don’t want to, talking all dirty while their inner monologue is basically screaming.

The fun part is how the game lets you shift between feeling like a predator and feeling like someone’s fucked-up pet. As male MC you can go from getting blackmailed by some bastard with evidence of your past, forced to watch as your body gets used by a group, to later on having a terrified girl tied up, big tits shaking, and you decide if you’re “merciful” or you just pull her hair and go for a brutal anal creampie. When you play as the girl, it hits different. Humiliation is everywhere. There’s a scene where your character wakes up chained, ass in the air, blindfolded, and you only understand how many guys are in the room by the number of hands groping you and random cocks pressing against your lips. You don’t even see faces at first, just animated bodies and dripping fluids, the game focusing on every little movement, and you’re stuck picking dialogue that sounds like porn comments: “Please, not there” vs “Keep going” while you know neither one really saves you. I still keep thinking about this one lesbian scene where you’re forced to pleasure a milf vampire, licking her while she casually talks to someone else in the room like you’re not even human, more like a sex pet that cleans her with her tongue.

Then you have the “story” part, with this whole revenge plot, monsters ripping people apart, and some really graphic violence that drops in between blowjob chains and gang bangs. You can go from a sweet teasing scene where someone just traces a finger along your big ass, almost romantic, to the next chapter where that same person is ordering others to hold you down so they can fuck your throat until you pass out. Group sex is everywhere, and not in a soft friendly way; more like bodies piling on, your character shoved from one cock to another, holes shared, someone finishing deep in your pussy while another fills your mouth and a third just fingers your ass because why not. Sometimes you’ll be the one doing the groping, sometimes you’re being held by monster girls with claws gently on your neck while they grind on you. The game loves long oral scenes, like, “you’re stuck for five straight clicks just sucking and choking” long. It can be pretty hot, and then suddenly it kicks you in the gut with a dark choice like “do you torture this captive more to get info, maybe reward yourself with her body after” or “risk sparing her and get betrayed later”. The revenge stuff actually makes the sex feel meaner, like everyone is using bodies as weapons and rewards. And yeah, the UI font is kinda ugly and I still hate the sound that plays when you skip text, but I kept playing anyway, telling myself I was here for the mystery while clicking straight into another bondage scene.

You start as this apparently normal guy who just “graduated” from an adventurer school that sounds more like horny summer camp than serious training, and someone says, “Go explore the monster girl continent, get rich or get wrecked.” And the game actually means the second part. It’s all text based, but not that boring wall-of-text style like some old forum RP. The writing is pretty chatty, lots of teasing, lots of those small lines that poke at you like, “oh, you like this, don’t you?” Even if you’re a vanilla person like me who usually skips anything with weird fetishes, this one somehow keeps dragging you back in. Every monster girl you meet basically wants to pin you down and see how many times they can make you lose control before you crawl back to town wobbling. The femdom part isn’t subtle at all. You’re “the adventurer” on paper, but it feels like you accidentally signed up as free use stress toy for the whole continent.

The fun thing is how the combat is actually part of the sex. It’s not like “fight, fight, then sex scene as a reward.” You’re in a turn based fight, picking moves, trying to resist, trying to keep your stamina and “other” bars in check, while this monster girl is licking, squeezing, riding your face, or whispering filthy things straight into your brain. You use skills, items, lust attacks, whatever, and the text keeps reacting to it. Sometimes I sat there staring at my screen, phone in one hand, other hand… not important, reading every line like it’s a VN, then suddenly the game reminds me that I technically lost because she made me cum too many times. It feels like a lewd tug-of-war where losing is actually winning, but at the same time, I was still trying so hard to win, because some of them rub it in your face if you fail. Like that smug lamia that coils around you, calls you “cute little hero”, and when you choose the wrong skill she basically milks you dry and laughs at you for even trying. I got annoyed by one line where she kept repeating the same taunt and now I can’t stop thinking about it, like a bad ringtone that is also super hot.

The world itself is surprisingly comfy for a place where you get drained by every woman-shaped creature. Towns feel like rest zones where you chat, upgrade skills, maybe flirt a bit with the local girls too lazy to eat you alive. You travel around Lucidia, bumping into new monster girls who each have their own “style” of breaking you in. It’s mostly straight guy stuff, but on the receiving end of all the attention. No long cutscenes, just a lot of short sharp lines, teasing and pushing you toward that “battle fuck” logic. Sometimes I wished it was more romantic, like, let me date one of them properly, hold hands, less “I’m gonna squeeze your soul out through your cock.” But then the game hits you with some silly banter, or a goofy skill description, and you just shrug and go into the next encounter thinking “ok, one more girl, then I stop.” That never happens, by the way. I even caught myself opening it on my second monitor while pretending to check email in Gmail, clicking through turns while half-reading. The story about the Demon Queen sits in the background like a joke you keep forgetting, because honestly you’re too busy getting your so-called hero turned into a cute little toy by every smug, horny monster on the continent.