Sarada Uchiha XXX Simulator looks like something somebody hacked together during a horny weekend and forgot to clean up, and that is exactly why it kinda works. You open it, there is no big intro, no lore dump, nothing. Just Sarada right in your face, already giving you that half annoyed, half curious look that she always has in fanart. Menu is simple, almost ugly in a charming way. Few buttons around her, random icons, some of them look like they were cut from an old Flash game on Newgrounds. First thing I did was start clicking like an idiot, changed her glasses off, then back on, then tried different clothes. There is this cheap thrill when you realize you can strip the “good girl” Uchiha kid down to nothing and nobody in Konoha can stop you. Outfit system is not huge, but good enough to play dress up perv. School uniform vibe, little tweaks to colors, some stockings that honestly look a bit cursed if you stare too long. I messed with her hairband and spent too long deciding if she looks hotter with or without it, which is stupid because you know damn well you will remove everything anyway.

Sex part is very straightforward, like old browser hentai toys. Click, drag, small minigame bits that are there mostly so it doesn’t feel like static slideshow. There is this rhythm mechanic that feels like somebody copied it from those old osu clones, but drunk. You try to hit the “sweet spot” and Sarada changes expressions. When you go too fast she gets that shocked wide eyes, when you keep a steady pace she starts melting, tongue out, cheeks red like she just lost a sparring match and her chakra too. No story, no excuses, just you and her in an empty void, which somehow makes it feel more dirty, like a debug room that was never meant for public. The customization of her face is actually the best part. You can turn her into smug brat, or shy virgin, or complete cockdrunk slut who looks like she forgot who Hokage is. I spent more time playing with eyebrows angles than actually fucking her, which is kinda embarrassing. The moans are hit or miss, some clips loop weird, sometimes they sync by accident and you get this one moment where everything lines up and it feels like you are the director of the most illegal Boruto spin off ever. And then some janky animation breaks it again, her boob clipping a bit through her arm, and you remember it is just another horny parody running in your browser while Discord pings in the background and Spotify playlist is still on that one track that does not match the scene at all.

This one feels like some horny nerd finally snapped during a Star Wars marathon and said, “fuck it, I’m making my own space porn.” You’re basically a scruffy nobody drifting around a very familiar galaxy that is totally not copyrighted, trying to make money, pull jobs, and slowly corrupt a bunch of Jedi girls who should absolutely not be alone with you in a locked room. There’s this cheap smuggler vibe to everything: backwater cantinas, shitty little side deals, coded messages, passwords that look like they were scribbled on a napkin after too much beer. Half the time I felt like I was playing some cracked version a friend sent on Discord, even though it’s just how the game is written. That ugly charm kind of works. You’re not a hero, you’re not a chosen one, you’re a guy who figures out you can push people with the Force and also push their morals until they start doing filthy things for you. Star Wars fantasy, but not the “save the galaxy” one, the “fuck the galaxy” one.

The girls are the real point, of course. They start off with that clean Jedi attitude, calm and moral and all that, then you grind their resistance down with training scenes, stupid errands, and those awkward “meditation” sessions that are 10 percent philosophy and 90 percent “oops I touched your thigh again.” Those CG scenes are where the game stops pretending and just goes full-on hentai brain: robes sliding open, lightsabers forgotten, a lot of messy facial expressions where they clearly don’t know if they should be ashamed or just moan louder. There is this moment early on when you finally get one of them alone in your ship’s crappy little cabin after doing some scam with a smuggler password, and she’s acting all formal, standing straight, talking about “discipline,” and you realize the dialogue wheel quietly shifted from teacher mode to “make her strip for ‘focus’ practice.” It’s ridiculous, and also hot, and also morally awful, and the game never really pretends it’s anything else. Sometimes it even throws you these awkward choices like, “Do you respect her boundaries” next to “Use the Force to make her horny,” and you already know what kind of game you clicked, so yeah.

There’s a nice little thrill when you punch in some code like INDIANATK or whisper a word like Nispack to the right shady character and suddenly a door opens, a new CG set unlocks, or a Jedi girl “accidentally” loses her top during a sparring session. It feels like cheating on a test you didn’t study for. The pacing is weird as hell: you might spend forever talking, grinding a bit of money, bouncing between planets, then bam, one scene where you have her kneeling between your legs in a dimly lit cargo hold, trying not to be heard by the crew. Then it cools down again and you’re stuck clicking through dialogue like some horny accountant. I wish the smuggler side of the game had more bite. You keep hearing about shady deals and dangerous runs, but most of the time it’s just menu choices and the occasional “job success” line, and then you’re back to seducing space nuns with fancy swords. But then again, I opened it for porn, not space economics, so maybe that’s fine. The whole thing feels half trashy fanfic, half dirty little puzzle about how far you can push a Jedi before she starts begging you to use the Force on her in ways the council would absolutely not approve. It’s crude, unpolished, and kind of exactly what it wants to be.

There is something very funny in this game already from the first scene, because everyone knows who Widowmaker is and here she is, but not really her, more like this cheap porn parody version that somehow feels even more dangerous. The story pretends to be this serious visual novel thing, dark room, quiet base, she is a deadly sniper and all that, but after two lines you see what it really wants from you. The writer clearly loves her body more than her lore. Camera keeps crawling over her legs, her stomach, that tight blue suit that is absolutely not regulation, and instead of long exposition you get these close-up CG shots that feel like someone paused an Overwatch match and asked “ok, what if she just dropped on her knees here.”

I like how the game does not waste time with some big world story. It is almost like a private commission turned into a short VN. You click through a few lines, choose one or two answers that slightly change her attitude, and the whole thing slowly slides into pure blowjob territory. The tension is not “will she kill me” but “how long until she gets on her knees.” At one point she is holding a rifle, talking about mission details, and the next CG just casually shifts the gun aside so her mouth becomes the main weapon. It feels very fanfic, in a good way, like reading horny Reddit comments that someone turned into pretty polished hentai stills. Not super cinematic, just very direct. Also the way they handle expression changes is nice, her eyes go from bored to annoyed to suddenly hungry, but never fully soft. She still looks like she might snap your neck after sucking you off, which is exactly the right vibe for her.

What annoyed me a bit is that sometimes the writing tries to sound deep and it really shouldn’t. There is a random line where she starts hinting at her past and emotional pain while she literally has cum on her lips, and it just feels strange, like the dev opened ChatGPT in another tab for one sentence. But then the CG comes in with her tongue pressed against the shaft, spit stretching between her lips and the tip, and my brain completely forgets to complain. They really go all in on the mouth. Wet gloss, those purple lips wrapped tight, cheeks hollowing around you, a bit of drool sliding down her chin. You can see the artist loves drawing veins and glans detail. Sometimes too much detail, honestly, because I caught myself zooming in on the UI font looking slightly off instead of focusing on the scene. That small thing still bothers me and I know they will never fix it.

What surprised me is how intimate it feels even if it is basically “Widowmaker sucks your dick, the game.” The pacing is slower than I expected. Scenes hold for a few seconds longer than porn usually does, so you notice tiny shifts of her jaw, how her tongue peeks out just before she goes deep again. There is one moment where she looks up at you with this half annoyed, half submissive stare, with your cock pushing at the back of her throat, and it is more powerful than any big dramatic twist. No complicated branching routes, no big statistics to manage, just a quiet little fantasy about having one of the most cold, deadly women in Overwatch between your legs, working you with a rhythm that feels almost too calm. The game acts like it wants to be serious spy story, but nobody is fooled. It exists for that long, slow, sticky blowjob, for that last CG where she opens her mouth to show everything you left inside and then lazily licks it from her lips like it is nothing. And then the screen just moves on like “ok, mission complete,” which somehow made me laugh harder than any written joke.

This thing feels like somebody took old Tomb Raider fantasies from a horny teenager’s brain, smashed them into a cheap visual novel, then just went “yeah, good enough” and hit upload. And somehow it works. You’re basically babysitting a very obviously-not-Lara explorer girl who has more tit than common sense, stumbling through some “ruins” that are really just excuses for her to end up half naked and fingering herself behind stone pillars. Plot is like: go here, poke this, puzzle maybe, oops, now she’s rubbing her swollen nipples because some trap sprayed her with weird liquid. Classic “ancient curse equals instant porn logic”.

The thing that hooked me is how the game keeps pretending it cares about adventure. You get dialogue about lost relics and secret tombs, but every choice is basically: do you make her behave like a semi-professional archaeologist, or do you send her straight into horny disaster. And yes, you always pick horny disaster, don’t lie. One second she’s talking about inscriptions, very serious, next second she’s sitting on a rock with her tits out, stroking herself hard because the “mystical energy” is making her extra sensitive. It’s stupid as hell, but in that cozy porn way where your brain shuts up and your dick just nods. There’s these CG scenes where her boobs are just… huge. Gravity stopped existing. She’s squeezed into that tight top that looks ready to explode, and when she starts masturbating you can almost feel how uncomfortable that outfit must be, riding up, skin sweaty, hairs stuck to her neck. I got stuck once clicking the same stupid stone relief three times because I thought it was a puzzle, but apparently the real solution was just “have her jerk herself off in front of it so the door opens.” Yeah, okay, sure, video game logic.

I keep telling myself I’m here for “nostalgia”, because it’s a parody and all, but then I catch how much time I spend zooming my eyes on the way her breasts press together when she leans over a relic, acting like she doesn’t notice her nipples punching holes in that top. The masturbation scenes feel almost too long, in a good way, like the dev was horny and refused to cut a single frame. She moans, slows down, speeds up, loses it completely, and I’m on the metro trying not to shift in my seat like a creep. Some of the writing is low-key terrible, like those weird lines where she’s trying to sound badass and just comes off like someone badly cosplaying in a hotel room, but then she starts touching herself again and I forget I was laughing. Sometimes the attempt at “adventure” gets in the way, like yeah man I get it, there is some lost idol, can we get back to her rubbing her pussy on a cold stone altar already. Still, there’s this one scene where she’s alone in the dark chamber, breathing heavy, fingers between her thighs, whispering to herself that no one will ever know what she’s doing down here. That shit hits different on a crowded train.

Among the Quarrians, a fierce custom reigns - when a young Quarrian reaches a pivotal age, they're flung out into the vast galaxy and they aren’t allowed to come back without delivering some groundbreaking invention for their clan and fleet.

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Step into the shoes of Hor 'nii, a captivating spirit with a name as intriguing as its owner. It's a name that perfectly suits a being from the spiritual realm. It's no surprise that even among spirits, your desires become too intense to handle which results in you being cast down to the mortal plane - the planet known as Four Nations!

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It starts weirdly wholesome. April’s there, all journalistic fire and that red hair that looks like it got caught in a sunrise, and you think, “Oh, okay, this’ll be another dumb parody with bad jokes and lazy fanservice.” But no. It’s filthier, funnier, and somehow more self-aware than it has any right to be. The way it leans into the absurdity of mutant turtle lust while keeping April’s snark intact - it shouldn’t work, but it does. And yeah, the humor’s juvenile as hell, but it hits the sweet spot between ridiculous and hot, like someone actually thought, “What if we didn’t pretend this wasn’t insane?” The dialogue feels like it was written by someone who’s been both too online and too horny for too long, and honestly? Respect.

There’s this one scene in the sewers - don’t worry, not the gross kind of sewer scene - where April’s trying to hold an interview, and the camera keeps drifting lower, and you can almost hear her thinking, *why am I still doing this job?* That moment alone sums up the game’s tone: half erotic comedy, half existential crisis. The pacing’s all over the place, but in a good way. You’ll be laughing, then suddenly the game drops a line so filthy you choke on your drink. The animations aren’t perfect (one of the turtles’ eyes does this twitchy thing that freaked me out), but there’s something charming in how unpolished it feels. Like an inside joke between degenerates who grew up watching Saturday morning cartoons and never quite recovered.

By the way, the menu music slaps - real funky bassline - and then it loops too short, and you start noticing it, and you can’t un-hear it. Drives me nuts. Still, it fits somehow. Everything about it feels like someone dared the devs to go too far and they said, “Bet.” It’s parody that forgot to wink. It’s raunchy, shameless, and somehow kind of sweet. I hate that I liked it as much as I did.