Hot, messy summer in Danville, but not the one Disney wrote, yeah? In this one you slip into Phineas’ place, except now he’s grown, bored, horny, and way too aware that every woman around him is stacked and kind of a walking problem. The tone hits that dumb summer vibe pretty well: sun, lazy days, stupid jokes, and then suddenly you’re in this “how did I end up with my face between her thighs” situation that somehow feels like it escalated naturally. It’s a Ren’Py visual novel, so you’re reading, clicking, choosing, and watching the chaos pile up. Nothing fancy with gameplay tricks, just choices piling on top of each other until you’re in a different bed than last time. Story jumps between silly parody humor and “oh wow that’s actually hot” pretty fast. One moment Phineas is cracking some half-assed reference to “inators,” next you’re watching Isabella pin him to the couch and ride him slow, whispering that she’s been waiting since “way before this dumb summer,” and he finally shuts up for once.

The fun part is how twisted the family side gets. Candace is still Candace, but now she’s legal, frustrated, and absolutely done with nobody taking her seriously. You can play her scenes light and jokey, like teasing her until she snaps and drags you to her room, or you can lean into this slightly darker, more desperate vibe where she knows this stuff is wrong but she pushes anyway. There’s this one branch where she comes into Phineas’ room late, complaining about mom, then suddenly sits on his lap and starts grinding through her shorts, pretending she just wants attention. He tries to talk, she just reaches back, opens his zipper, and the script really lingers on the awkward, guilty silence before she actually sinks down on his cock. No romantic speech, just heavy breathing and a lot of “don’t say anything, just fuck me.” That scene stuck with me more than the big jokes.

Linda is pure milf fuel, by the way. The game doesn’t even play subtle with her. Loose house clothes, wine glass always somewhere, and that “I know exactly what you’re doing, but I’m not stopping you” attitude. In one path she walks in while you’re making out with someone on the couch, pretends she doesn’t notice, then later corners you in the kitchen. She leans forward, her tits obviously squeezed by the shirt, and says something like, “If you’re going to act like an adult, at least learn how to satisfy one.” Next click she’s on her knees between your legs, stroking you slow while lecturing you like it’s some very serious sex lesson. When you finally slide into her, the writing stops being goofy and just gets dirty: full-on wet squelching, her ass slapping against you, her calling you “baby” in that way that sounds way too erotic from your own mom. It’s wrong, it’s exactly what players come here for, and the game knows it. The whole vibe is like a lazy horny summer where every day could end with you balls-deep in either your “friend,” your sister, or your own mother, depending which dialogue option you poked half a scene ago. Comedy, porn, parody, all mixed without pretending to be respectable.

Agrabah in this game feels like someone spilled horny ink all over a childhood memory and then laughed about it. You’re this random guy dropped into a “reimagined” fairy tale city that only barely pretends to be sweet. Everything looks familiar at first glance, like some off-brand cartoon you’d watch on a sketchy streaming site, but then the tone just tilts and suddenly the princess that used to be pure fantasy merch is asking you really blunt questions about sex while you try to act like a gentleman and fail. I like that she’s still proud and stubborn, not just instant porn doll, but at the same time the corruption curve goes fast as hell. One minute you are making small jokes, the next she’s jerking you off behind a balcony curtain while the city guard walks below, and you’re half worried and half just checking if the “finish on her face” option unlocks a new line. It feels dirty in the way fanfiction used to feel on old forums, with that slightly wrong energy where the writer cares and also doesn’t care at all.

The game doesn’t waste much time explaining why you suddenly become her “trainer”. It’s just like: here’s this princess, she’s bored, she’s engaged to some guy that obviously doesn’t deserve her, and you’re the creep with a smile and a menu of actions. You open a scene thinking you’ll just flirt a bit more and somehow you end up pushing her onto silk cushions, deciding between anal or regular, while she still pretends this is just “practice” for her royal duties. There’s this one moment where she masturbates alone in her room after you tease her all day, and you’re only watching through some magic trick. It felt way more intimate than all the messy bukkake scene later, which is funny, because the game clearly wants you to remember the huge cumshots and I just kept thinking about that quiet little scene where she bites her lip and stares at a lamp like it’s your dick. The cheating part hits different too: when she climbs into your lap knowing her future husband is literally in the next hall, I kinda felt bad for five seconds, then I clicked the “keep going” option twice. I hate how it made me smile. Also the mobile format is great and trash at the same time, because it’s too easy to play in bed, thumb tapping choices with one hand while the other hand is doing exactly what the devs expected. I wish the text speed was a bit different, but yeah, it won’t change and I’ll still complain. There’s some loli coded stuff around the edges that will squick some people, all small body, big eyes, like the art forgot what age she’s supposed to be, and I kept thinking “yeah this is messed up” while still curious what the next training level unlocks. At some point you almost forget there was supposed to be action in Agrabah at all, because the only action you care about is whether she’s going to take you in her mouth after that smug little smirk or make you beg a bit longer.

You show up in this new town with one bag, no real plan, and parents who basically dumped you on your dad’s coworker and fucked off to chase promotions. The house you land in is way too nice for some “temporary stay”. Big quiet place, smells like coffee and perfume in the morning, and the woman greeting you at the door is exactly the kind of older neighbor porn sites have been shoving in your face since high school. She’s polite, sweet, talks like she’s worried you’ll be bored, but every time she turns around those ridiculous tits are fighting for their life inside her shirt and you already know “bored” is not on the menu.

The art looks like someone grew up on old Sunday morning anime and then got horny and never recovered. It’s not perfect on the technical side, you’ll see some weird fingers here, a slightly cursed expression there, but the faces have this smug, “I know what I’m doing to you” vibe that hits harder than super polished trash. Her body is crazy: wide hips, huge ass hugging tight skirts, breasts that stretch fabric so much you kinda expect a wardrobe malfunction each scene. When she leans over the table to serve you breakfast, boobs pressed on the edge, smiling like nothing is happening, it feels almost more indecent than when she’s straight up pumping your cock with oil and giving that lazy half-lidded look. One route had her casually wiping your “mess” off her boobs with a dish towel, complaining about laundry while her cleavage is covered in cum. That moment stuck in my head way more than the big money shots. I did wish there was more build-up to some scenes, but whatever, my dick didn’t protest.

They clearly had fun with the parody angle too. There are these little nods to that blue robot cat series that obviously lawyers would hate. A familiar pocket gadget shows up as some totally-not-copyrighted toy that “helps with stress relief”, which ends up as a stupid excuse for her to test how much your cock can handle. At one point she uses a “future massage device” that looks suspiciously like something out of that show, but now it vibrates against her tits while she traps your shaft between them and pretends it’s all some accidental test. The game doesn’t overexplain it, it just drops the reference and moves on, like “yeah, we know you watched the wrong stuff at 12.” Half the time I was chuckling, half the time I was trying not to nut too fast while she’s sitting on your lap, grinding that fat ass slowly, whispering how lonely she’s been since her own kid moved out. The only thing that annoyed me was the text box sometimes covering the good parts and making me click back and forth, but I kept forgetting to adjust it because, well, huge animated tits bouncing in a slow titfuck will do that to a brain.

You start as literally nobody in this thing. Not a legendary kid spy, not some overpowered hentai protagonist, just some random dude who suddenly gets handed the keys to the most chaotic KND base and told “yeah, you’re in charge now.” Which is already funny, because your MC looks more like the guy who manages Discord servers than a leader of elite child agents. The Moonbase people treat you like a mix of intern and boss, and that weird vibe feeds straight into the corruption angle. One moment you’re pretending to care about missions and debrief reports, the next moment you’re figuring out how to turn uniform checks into “strip inspections” without getting instantly kicked out the airlock.

The sandbox structure is the real hook here. You wander the base, poke your nose into different sectors, and every room feels like a chance to be a pervert in a slightly different flavor. Training schedules, duty rosters, morale stats, approval points, those all pretend to be serious systems, but they’re basically just excuses to push the girls further and further. You send one squad to a pointless “stealth drill” that is clearly just a setup so you can catch them changing into cosplay gear for a fake operation. You manage budgets, but the big question is: new gadgets for missions, or a “special” wardrobe full of tight tops, too-short skirts, and those ridiculous skin-tight spy suits with the zipper that never seems to stay all the way up. This is management like in old Kairosoft games, but horny and very not safe for work.

The voyeur stuff is everywhere if you go looking for it. You can abuse the cameras system and just sit in your office like a perv, clicking through feeds while the girls think they’re alone. Shower room, locker room, training hall, even one corner storage where two of them sneak off to make out when they think no one watches. That first time you catch one girl bending over with her huge tits squeezed into that kiddie-style t-shirt, and the fabric rides up so just a bit of underboob shows, you realize the dev cares about angles more than realism. You can upgrade surveillance, which sounds boring, but higher level cams mean closer zoom when she “doesn’t notice” she left her bra on the bench. Or maybe she does notice. Depends how you’ve been training her.

Corruption and trainer elements are where the game gets really dirty. You start giving small “accidental” touches. A hand on the shoulder that slides too low. Quick gropes during combat drills “to correct stance.” If her discipline is still high, she’ll complain and you might get punished or lose rank, so there is actual risk here, not just click and fap. But if you focus on breaking her slowly, using private one-on-one “performance reviews,” catching her in minor failures and trading silence for favors, she starts letting things pass. First she just tolerates the contact. Later, she blushes but moves closer. Eventually, you can have her straddling your lap in the command chair while alarms go off in the background, grinding her big ass into you while pretending she cares about the tactical map. That shift feels earned, even if it’s messed up.

What I like is how the game makes you juggle the heroic front with your horny brain. You still send teams on missions, manage resources, try not to get the base shut down by adults. But you keep nudging them into more “experimental” uniforms with exposed midriffs or suspiciously open backs. You invent a “stealth training” that is literally one girl forced to sneak around the base in nothing but panties and a mask, with you watching every failed roll and punishing each mistake with spanking in front of the other girls. Some scenes get really mean: you can pressure one character into public humiliation, making her strip in the hangar while other agents pretend not to watch, though the camera does not pretend at all. And then the game suddenly throws a soft moment where two girls fool around together in some storage room, exploring each other clumsily while plotting how to impress you. That little lesbian detour is handled like a side event, almost casual, and then the next day you’re using what you saw to blackmail them.

There is a cosplay angle that just keeps escalating, too. At first it’s fake disguises for missions, like “underwear model to lure enemy agents.” But then you unlock outfits that feel straight from DeviantArt fanart: bunny suit “in case we infiltrate arcades,” magical girl “for morale,” that kind of nonsense. You can assign which girl wears what, and then give “feedback,” which of course means hands on their bodies, lifting skirts, pulling straps, pretending to “check for bugs” while your fingers slide under the fabric. One time I sent a squad to briefing in full fetish uniforms and nobody in-universe questioned it, which is probably a bug but honestly made the scene better.

The game is rough in some places. Menus feel like they were thrown together after a caffeine crash, tooltips vanish too fast, and sometimes the text just forgets which rank you have and calls you something else mid-dialogue. Also the spanking sound effect is weirdly soft, like hitting a pillow instead of a big round ass, and it started to annoy me more than it should. Some rooms feel empty for a long time, like they exist just so future updates can stuff more depravity inside. But then you hit a scene where you corner one agent in the observation deck, the Earth big in the window behind her, her tits pressed against the glass while you grope and harass her until she’s whimpering and still pretending this is “training,” and you kinda forget the UI ever annoyed you. The whole thing plays like a horny kid’s memory of that old cartoon mixed with the brain of a bored adult who figured out how to weaponize promotion systems and daily check-ins into pure sexual control. It’s trashy in a very specific, very deliberate way, and it knows exactly what it is, even when it pretends to be about saving the world.

Aladdin finally getting to be a horny little creep in Agrabah is honestly something I didn’t know I needed until this game slapped me with it. It looks like a dumb parody at first, like some meme you’d scroll past on Reddit while half awake, but then you click one more line, one more choice, and suddenly you’re basically her royal pervert coach. Everything runs on that trainer style thing: you poke Jasmine’s limits, raise stats, push obedience, wiggle around her attitude, and every scene feels like you’re nudging the story into a slightly dirtier fork. The dev clearly watched the original movie too many times and went “yeah but what if the street rat didn’t fix his morals and instead slowly turned the most stubborn princess into his personal pet.” It’s kind of fucked up and kind of fun and my brain hates that combination.

What I liked is that it feels like one of those old choose your own adventure books I read when I was a kid, only now the page numbers lead to blowjob scenes and weird schemes in the palace instead of dragons. You try this dialogue option, she gets offended, you think you messed up, and ten minutes later that same humiliation pops back as a new kink flag and she’s suddenly blushing when you order her to strip for “training.” The writing jumps between stupid internet humor and surprisingly sharp dirty talk, like one moment the genie cracks some fourth wall crap and the next moment you’re making Jasmine crawl on all fours in her room while she pretends she still has any dignity. I wish the game tracked choices even harder, like really remembered tiny stuff from early scenes and used it to punish you later, but I know that’s never gonna happen and it annoys me every time I replay. Also the gold grind and some of the click-repeat actions feel like when you keep doomscrolling TikTok without wanting to, but here you’re just grinding obedience points while your browser has six other tabs open and Spotify is looping the same playlist for the hundredth time. It’s lazy, but I still did it.

There’s a nice corruption curve where Jasmine starts all proud and “I’m the princess of Agrabah, how dare you” and ends up with her tits out, begging for more “lessons,” and somehow the transition doesn’t feel like just a switch flip. She flinches, argues, bargains, then she starts asking weird questions, then she’s testing you back. Some scenes are surprisingly intimate, like when you train her to dance for you, not the public, and you control how rough or soft you go. Next moment you’re selling her out in some shady scenario and laughing at how this is absolutely not the Disney canon. The game doesn’t care if you’re nice or a total bastard, it just quietly adjusts the flavor of the filth. I also kept noticing small jokes in the background that made me snort, like little digs at other trainer games or fans who only care about “big boobs jasmine now.” And then there is this one little thing that drives me nuts: the way some scenes reuse the same line of reaction text, like copy paste, right when I’m most horny and focused. It’s tiny, but it pulls me out every time and I keep thinking the dev will fix it, and they just never do. Anyway, if your brain likes branching choices and your dick likes watching a spoiled princess slowly break and love it, this scratches that itch in a messy, stupid, pretty satisfying way.

Imagine if somebody smashed together Witcher fanfic from some horny reddit thread, a corruption sim, and those old Flash-era slider puzzles, then wrapped it in 3dcg versions of Ciri, Triss and Yen that look just different enough to not get CDPR lawyers knocking. That’s basically the vibe here. You’re this random guy in a twisted “what if” version of the Continent where monsters are less scary than pregnancy and everyone’s moral compass is already hanging by a thread. The whole point is simple: talk your way into their heads, fuck up their ideals, and turn the iconic sorceresses and one slightly traumatized white-haired princess into a personal breeding cult that lives and breathes for your cock. It sounds edgy as hell written out, but in the game it feels more like a slow and messy slide into “okay I guess we’re doing creampies in Kaer Morhen now.”

The fun part is how each girl bends differently. Ciri starts all stubborn and righteous, the usual “I’ve seen worlds and you’re nothing to me” attitude, then a couple of sharp choices later she’s grinding on your lap in some ruined tower, talking shit but not actually moving away while you keep pushing her panties aside. The moment when you first decide if you’ll go for bareback with her, knowing the whole breeding angle is a big deal in this world, hits harder than it should in a porn game. Triss is the classic big-tits redhead temptation package, already halfway corrupt before you even touch her. One branch turns her into this needy thing who keeps insisting it’s “just magic experimentation” while you pump another load into her and watch that spell circle on the floor pulse brighter. Another path has her still pretending she’s doing it all for “the greater good,” which is hilarious when she’s moaning loud enough that even a deaf drowner would look over. And then there’s Yennefer: the smug brunette who treats you like an insect until you finally catch her on one weak moment, hand between her thighs under a desk, asking very calm questions while your fingers keep sliding deeper. The first time you drag her from “you’re beneath me” to “don’t pull out” in one scene is actually kind of satisfying in a shitty power fantasy way, although the writing stumbles sometimes, like it can’t decide if she’s broken, in love, or just horny on potions.

What threw me a bit is how one wrong dialogue choice quietly kills a whole route without telling you. You think you’re being clever or “in character” for a Witcher-style world, then suddenly Triss stops visiting your room and Ciri just talks about training again and your cock-worship harem dream is hanging by a thread. There is a corruption meter hiding behind the scenes, you can feel it when a scene suddenly flips from vanilla riding to “press her down and finish inside,” but the game never really bothers to explain it. Sometimes that’s hot, sometimes it’s just annoying, like when I spent three runs trying to get a specific interracial scene with Ciri and a dark-skinned merc guy joining in, only to realize one early “mercenaries are scum” line basically locked the dude out forever. Also, the faces look great most of the time, but Ciri’s white hair clips into her shoulder in one blowjob loop and it drove me crazy, because everything else in that animation is perfect, the way her eyes look up, spit shining your shaft, and then this stupid hair strand just phases through her armor like it’s made of smoke. Still clicked replay on it like five times though. And the creampie shots are surprisingly good for a parody thing: you feel the choice, like, do you risk knocking up a legendary sorceress just to watch her pussy leak onto the sheets, or do you pull out and disappoint her while she pretends not to care? I kept telling myself I’d play “smart” next run, avoid the hardcore corruption, try a more moral path, but I always end up back in that same castle room, hand hovering over the option that says “stay inside her” and thinking yeah, alright, one more time.

Game hits different if you’re a gacha addict like me. It feels almost like rolling horny banners instead of playing some deep story, and I mean that in a good way and a bad way at same time. You start as this very aware guy in a world full of NPC-brained people who only react when you poke the correct “flag” and it feels weirdly close to how you click through auto battles in Epic Seven or Nikke. Everyone around you just loops their little idle lines until you decide to break the script and suddenly the teacher that ignored you turns into a monster girl with way too many options on her context menu. Point and click stuff sounds boring on paper but here it’s more like “point, click, whoops my hand is on her ass now.” I liked that it actually lets you abuse the system a bit, like deliberately triggering the wrong event and still getting rewarded with some groping scene because the engine “bugs out” and your guy is the only one who notices. That whole meta joke of you being above the code actually works when you’re unzipped and sleepy from too much coom and still want one more pull for a new animation.

The sex scenes feel like limited-time banners. You see the monster girl acting like some bland quest NPC, then you find the one clickable thing the game designers hid on her outfit, and suddenly you are in a full-on stripping sequence that escalates to oral and then straight into vaginal like the dev doesn’t believe in foreplay sliders. Anal is not there from the start, you sorta earn it by “breaking” her normal behavior often enough, which is funny because I swear I had flashbacks to pity counter in gacha: no anal, no anal, then suddenly jackpot and she is taking it while still repeating her default NPC line with those empty eyes. Creepy and hot and stupid, all in same time. The animated stuff is pretty decent for AI CG, sometimes the faces do that weird soulless thing but honestly it kind of fits the whole NPC vibe. One thing that actually surprised me: the exhibition play. You can make them strip in spots where other NPCs are walking by, but the “crowd” reacts only when you click the right trigger, so you’re basically fucking in public while the world pretends nothing happens until you choose otherwise. It feels a little like being the dev in your own parody of a fantasy game, poking the map, seeing what breaks, then abusing it for more blowjob loops. I wish there was a proper log for all the scenes I unlocked, but nah, it just expects my goldfish brain to remember which monster girl in which corner of town lets me press her tits again. Still, every time I think “ok I have seen everything,” I end up clicking a random barrel or dialog box and suddenly I’m watching an exhibition strip sequence next to the quest board like it is perfectly normal. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Your little scrap of a raft dies on the shore of a hot, sticky island, and somehow you’re still thinking about pussy and power. Priorities, right? Then you realize where you are. This isn’t just some random tropical rock with coconuts and crabs. This is *that* island. The one every pervert on certain Discord servers screams about. Maiden Island. All those rumors about the empress, Boa Hancock, parading around with that impossible ass and attitude? Yeah, she actually exists here, walking around like she owns the entire ocean, and honestly, she kind of does. You’re the unlucky idiot who washed up here with a Devil Fruit that doesn’t promise fire or lightning or some cool logia stuff. No, yours twists bodies. Makes muscle bloom where soft curves used to be. Not just “a bit toned” either. We’re talking from thick to gym freak to full-on amazon that looks like she could bench press the Thousand Sunny and then use you as a tiny cock toy after.

The game basically throws you into this sandbox and tells you: “Alright, perv, go ruin these women in the best way.” Nami’s here too, wandering around like she’s on a tropical side quest, tits bouncing like she never heard of proper support, already stacked but still so small compared to what you can turn her into. At first she’s all wary, wants berries and maps and safety, then a few events later she’s flexing for fun, checking her new biceps with this mix of fear and secret horniness. That scene where she catches herself in the water reflection, bigger than she was that morning, gripping her own thigh because it looks too strong to be real, then asking you in this half embarrassed way, “You did this, right?” That one stuck with me. Not even the sex, just that weird little “oh shit I like this” moment. Boa is different. She starts at “you’re trash” and somehow gets even worse when her back gets covered in thick muscle and her thighs turn into soul crushing traps. There’s this one night scene where her silhouette blocks the moon and she makes you kneel, and you realize your transformation fetish and your humiliation kink are shaking hands and laughing at you. The game lets you push them through four muscle stages, and each jump feels like a new kink unlocking, with clothes fighting to hold on, boobs still huge but now packed on top of hard, veiny slabs. Sometimes it looks a bit crazy in the CG, like her arm should be illegal in half the world, but then she grabs you by the neck and it stops mattering.

What surprised me is how much time you actually spend worrying about food. These aren’t dainty anime waifus who nibble on one rice ball and giggle. You turn them big, they eat like gods, and if you don’t manage your storage right they get pissy and unstable. I liked that stress. I hated it too, but in a good “what the fuck am I doing with my life” way. You’re running around this sunny island, trying to juggle hunger meters, trigger scenes, and still find time to drool over Nami’s shorts getting tighter and Boa’s ass growing into some supernatural monument. It’s kind of funny how the game treats all of this as normal. “Oh, of course you want to turn every woman into a towering amazon with giant tits and tree-trunk legs, what else would you do with god-fruit?” There’s humor everywhere, stupid little gags, side comments that feel like the dev also scrolled too much Rule 34 and just decided to stop pretending. Sometimes the pacing is weird, like you grind for food for a while, then suddenly you’re in a serious story scene about loyalty and power and all you can think about is how her lats are wider than the door she just walked through. I wish there was an option to tone the boobs down for one run, just to see pure muscle focus, but it’s never going to happen, the game is fully married to big tits and big everything. It’s messy, horny, oddly cozy, and completely obsessed with watching these famous girls slowly outgrow their own bodies until you’re not sure if you want to worship them, fear them, or just get crushed under a single lazy thigh squeeze.

The whole thing feels like somebody mashed together a horny Final Fantasy fanfic, a cheap mobile survival clone and a beach episode that never ends, then said “yeah, good enough” and shipped it. Which, weirdly, kind of works. You wake up on this tropical island, sand in your shoes, dick in your hand metaphorically, literal later, and the first cutscene just slaps you with that “you’re a loser, now enjoy paradise” tone. The animation in those early scenes is rough in a way I actually like. Faces hold just a little too long, camera lingers on thighs like the animator forgot to hit stop, some lip sync looks like it was done in a hurry during a Discord call. But when Hana leans in close the first time, hair moving in the breeze, you can feel someone really tried. It is not clean. It feels like watching a lewd indie short posted on Twitter that somehow grew into a full game. And then you blink and suddenly there is Tifa in a bikini that never existed in any official artwork, and the game just shrugs, like “yeah, she washed up here, whatever, go talk to her.”

Cutscenes are the best and worst part. One moment you get this slow, almost romantic shot of the island at sunset, the ocean reflecting orange, Hana’s silhouette, and you think “oh, nice mood.” Next moment, hard cut to the male protagonist getting jerked off against a palm tree like a teenager who just learned the word “frottage” yesterday. The camera really loves asses. It crawls over Tifa’s bikini line while she pretends she does not know what masturbation is, then five clicks later she is riding your face in a little looping animation where her hair clips through her shoulders in exactly the same place every cycle. Marie Rose shows up in her swimsuit and that whole “mystery of the island” thing just walks out of the room. The plot starts hinting that the island is wrong, that girls are not just lost tourists, but the next scene is you spanking Marie on the beach while a crab walks through the background like an unpaid extra. The point and click bits are fine, you tap on a coconut, you tap on a girl, you tap on yourself under the water in a badly hidden masturbation loop. Sex toys appear later and the game treats them like legendary weapons, full camera pan, shiny highlight, then you just shove a vibrator between Tifa’s legs in a short looping shot that probably took the animator all night and two energy drinks. There is a mystery somewhere under all the crossover fanservice, but every time you start to care the game distracts you with another animated bikini grinding on the protagonist’s cock and, honestly, that is exactly the kind of trashy commitment I did not know I wanted.