Henry’s Adventures starts all quiet and cozy in this little mountain village, and then five minutes later you’re balls deep in trouble, literally and not. You walk around thinking “ok, classic fantasy, nice trees, simple quests,” and then an elf girl with ears sharp enough to cut paper bends over a table and the camera just zooms in on that ridiculous ass like the game knows exactly why you’re here. It’s very honest like that. One second you’re talking about bandits, next second she’s on her knees, drool running down her lip while she works your cock with both hands, and the dialogue is trying so hard to stay serious that it becomes kind of funny. Henry himself is this young dude who looks a bit too clean to be hiking through monster nests, but the moment he starts fucking he goes full bully mode, grabbing hair, pushing heads down, stuffing girls full and then acting like it’s normal village routine.

What actually stuck with me is how horny the world itself feels. You go into a cave thinking “ok, some generic monster fight,” and instead there’s a thick green orc girl with arms like a gym bro and tits that almost spill out of her armor. She pins Henry to the rock wall and you think you’re dead, but it turns into this rough, messy scene where you end up fucking her stupid while her muscles twitch around you. Then later there’s this vampire chick in an old ruin, pale skin, red eyes, tits barely contained in that corset joke she’s wearing. She pretends she wants your blood, then drops down and starts licking your shaft like it’s some rare wine, slow and teasing, until you finally grab her head and fuck her face. The animation sells it well when she gags and her throat bulges around you, and when you finish she doesn’t just swallow, you actually see the cum spill out and slide down her chin before she smears it with her thumb and licks it. Real nice detail. Kind of annoying that sometimes the dialogue boxes cover exactly the part you want to watch, and you keep tapping on mobile praying you don’t accidentally skip the good frame, but whatever, I still kept going from scene to scene like a degenerate squirrel hunting nuts.

The game really loves threesomes too. At one point you stumble into a campfire scene with an orc girl and an elf sharing a drink, and somehow that turns into both of them arguing who rides you first. You lie on your back, elf bouncing on your cock, her big tits jumping everywhere, while the orc sits on your face and grinds so hard you almost feel it through the screen. When you pull out at the end and creampie the elf, it’s not just a quick white flash. It’s slow, you see her pussy stretching around you, then thick cum pouring back out while she clenches and moans like she can’t decide if she wants more or less. Later there is a spider girl or something like that, I still don’t know what she was exactly because I skipped her talking too fast, but she gave a handjob that went from gentle to full-on abuse in three clicks and I liked it way more than I want to admit. Not all scenes hit the same. Some feel a bit rushed, like the build up is there but then the actual sex is over too quick, and sometimes faces look weird when they’re moaning. Still, the way Henry just walks around this fantasy land and casually fucks anything with fangs, ears or claws like it’s part of the adventure, that part is burned in my brain more than the “save the world” stuff. I opened it “just to check it” on my phone while waiting for a download on Steam and ended up finishing three times before I even remembered what I was supposed to play in the first place.

Calendar-wise, this one is absolutely a messy fantasy for that awkward “post-Christmas, pre-New-Year, I hate my family and want orc dick” week. You boot it up thinking, alright, some generic elf revenge story, I’ll tab out to Twitter every five minutes. Then the game throws this skinny, pissed-off sorcerer elf prince at you, Xareth, with this permanent “I’m better than everyone” face, and literally ten minutes later he’s getting his ass grabbed by a mountain of green muscle in a fur loincloth, and suddenly you’re not checking your phone anymore. It starts like political drama, father dethroned, kingdom stolen by some scammer king, blabla, royal duty, magic training, all that, and then out of nowhere you’re crouched behind a rock, watching orcs train shirtless, sweaty, slamming into each other like a gay rugby team that lost their clothes. And the game is just like, yeah, you can stare. Or walk up. Or grope. No explanation, no moral questions, just “do you want the big orc, the bigger orc, or the scarred orc that definitely knows five ways to rearrange your spine during anal”.

What I love and hate is how it pretends to be serious story one second, then goes full horny chaos the next. There’s this scene where you sneak into the orc camp as a “diplomat” and you’re trying to talk politics, like, “help me take back my throne,” and the chieftain is only half listening because he’s staring at Xareth’s ass. You get a dialogue choice: keep talking strategy, or let him “inspect the merchandise.” I picked strategy, because I’m boring, and he still grabbed Xareth, pushed him over some crude wooden table, and started fingering him from behind while discussing battle routes. It’s stupid and hot at the same time. The camera lingers way too long on how Xareth is trying to keep a straight face while getting stretched open, his hand shaking over the war map. And the worst part, I laughed, because the music is still trying to sound epic while you’re basically doing backroom porn with flags and torches. The oral scenes are rough too, like, not “cute blowjob,” more “orc uses your throat like it’s a warm sleeve,” especially in that group sex bath event where Xareth ends up kneeling between two orcs, one in his mouth, one ramming him from behind, and another one just… watching? For no reason? And I swear the watcher was the hottest. Or not. I keep changing my mind about that guy. Anyway, there’s also this sudden interracial monster encounter in a forest cave, where some corrupted beast-thing corners Xareth, and you’re like “ah cool, boss fight,” then the combat fades out and it shoves him against the rocks, claws tracing his muscles, and the game goes, “Do you resist, or see what happens?” and at that point I just accepted that this world runs on cum instead of logic. Twitter crashed on my phone during that scene and I forgot to open it again.

It leans hard into the whole “muscle orc, slender elf” contrast, which normally I’m kinda tired of, but here they play with it enough to keep it alive. There’s an early campfire scene where Xareth is pretending he’s in control, trying to negotiate which tribe will support him, and this broad-shouldered orc with big tusks just sits behind him, wraps one arm around that tiny waist and starts palming his cock through his robes, casual as hell, like it’s normal diplomacy. Xareth still talks about alliances while his voice gets shakier, and the text actually reacts to how long you let it go before you pick a choice. I got distracted scrolling Discord during that, came back, and the game was describing how wet his ass already was just from grinding on the orc’s thigh. I complained to myself about the font in the dialogue box not matching the vibe, and then immediately forgot about it because suddenly there’s multiple penetration in a war tent, with two orcs sandwiching him, one in his ass, one pushing into his mouth, and a third guy holding his hair and making him look each of them in the eye while they fuck him. That scene actually made me pause to drink water. Not because of the intensity, but because I kept trying to see if Xareth was still pretending to be prince or just fully orc cumdump already. The game never really decides, and honestly I like that. Or I don’t. Depends on which route I clicked last. There’s a late-game bit where you finally march against the fake king, and on the way there, instead of big speeches, you’re in the back of a wagon, sprawled over an orc’s lap, getting lazy morning anal while another guy feeds you fruit and his fingers “accidentally” slip into your mouth. I wanted more political intrigue there, but then the camera showed this ridiculous close-up of Xareth’s big ass bouncing with every thrust and yeah, alright, fine, happy holidays to me.