Ninja Island feels like somebody mashed together a horny doujin circle, an old GBA-era RPG and a browser porn tab they forgot to close, then said “yeah ok ship it”. In a good way, mostly. You start as this not-very-subtle male ninja, dumped on an island where every other ninja girl looks like she escaped from some crossover Discord server: big tits, tight outfits that are basically one sneeze away from falling off, and that whole “I could kill you or ride you” vibe. There’s a story about some secret technique and rival clans, but honestly the real plot is “how many ways can you get these kunoichi naked without immediately dying”. The game kind of knows that, and leans into it.

It’s a classic turn based RPG on paper. You move from area to area, run into patrols of busty ninjas, and fights trigger like normal encounters. First time I ran into this blue-haired swordswoman, she pinned my character to a tree in a cutscene and groped him for “searching for weapons”. That escalated into a full-on forced titfuck scene as a “punishment” for trespassing. After that you unlock a special stance in combat where your skills change to more pervy stuff, like grapples that lower their “shame” instead of HP. The usual “attack, skill, item, defend” thing is there, but half the skills clearly exist so the girl ends up with her outfit ripped off, dripping, and moaning while still trying to stab you. Lose on purpose and you get a different H scene, win and you usually get to fuck them after breaking their will, with that whole corruption angle the game is obsessed with. Some of the scenes get pretty rough too, with actual ***, group assaults, and multiple penetration scenes when you piss off a whole squad of enemy kunoichi and they decide to “take turns” on you out of frustration. The POV shots during creampies are kind of hot, even if the censorship is annoying as hell. They blur the important bits and you just sit there knowing exactly what is happening, but still, it hits different when they show your character grabbing a ninja’s hair while she drools and gives that stupid ahegao look as you finish deep inside her. There’s also a cam-style event where one of the girls uses a magic mirror like it’s OnlyFans, performing handjobs and oral on you for her “followers” while you desperately try to focus on the quest text. I still think the UI sound for opening the menu is way too loud and it’s driving me crazy, and the game is never going to fix that.

What’s interesting from a gamification side is how they tie your kink progression to actual leveling. Each girl basically has her own mini route. At first she treats you like trash, slaps your hands away when you try to grope her, or forces you to watch as she “examines” you and humiliates you. As you win fights and trigger scenes, she gets more corrupted, starts asking for sex instead of pretending it’s an accident, and later you unlock stuff like public exhibition quests where she walks around the village in half-open ninja gear, pretending it’s “camouflage” while random NPCs comment on her tits. One moment I was in a serious boss fight against a busty captain, carefully managing skills and items, and then suddenly the fight shifts into a scripted H phase where she orders her subordinates to hold me down and we get a full bukkake scene as she rides me in front of them. Then it throws you back into battle like nothing happened and you still have to finish her off. The pacing is kind of a mess, and the censorship kills the mood sometimes, but the rhythm of “battle, tease, grab, fuck, level up” ends up working. They even give different skills if you choose more domination options versus letting the girls sexually harass and use you first, which is such a dumb smart detail for a porn RPG. There’s a lot of rough stuff, actual *** scenes mixed with consensual corruption, big tits smashing into the screen, and enough creampie and group sex to make your browser history look like evidence. The island itself is just a backdrop for horny ninja power leveling, and honestly, it does that job way too well.

A husband, a stupid fight, and that sick feeling in your gut when you suddenly notice how short your own shadow looks next to another guy’s. That is basically where this story sits, grinning at you. You follow this poor bastard of a husband who starts the evening thinking he is “the man of the house” and ends up wondering if his wife is getting her pussy filled by somebody taller, thicker, and a lot more confident. The game plays like a teasing lecture about NTR, but not in a cold way. It is like a drunk friend whispering in your ear, “You see that guy talking to your wife? Yeah, that is how it starts.” The visuals sell that uneasy vibe: soft, slow camera-like cuts, those slightly too-long pauses on her lips when she smiles at someone else, her shirt clinging in all the right places, and his eyes squinting like he is trying not to imagine her on her knees, drool on another man’s shaft. The pace is not rushed, it pokes you. You get moments where almost nothing “big” happens, just small looks, off-hand comments, her phone lighting up with a message while she is in the shower and you are left staring at the screen, imagining every filthy word she might be reading.

There is a strong “PSA from hell” vibe, yeah, like some horny officer in a police comedy explaining step by step how your wife goes from “I would never cheat” to getting her ass slapped by a stranger in some cheap hotel on vacation. The husband is technically the male protagonist, but it never really feels like you are in control. You are more like a ghost stuck in his skull, dragged through his jealousy, his twisted fantasies, his humiliation. One scene that hit hard: he is sitting on the bed, replaying his argument with his wife, and his brain starts playing its own porn parody. Suddenly she is there in his mind, bent over the kitchen counter, big tits pressed on the cold surface, some smug bastard gripping her hips while she moans his name instead. The sounds get louder than his own thoughts. Little sticky lip noises, wet slaps, her breathy “harder” that he is not sure she ever said to him in real life. The game leans into that: you never know where reality stops and his corrupted imagination starts. Sometimes you see Sara in normal everyday clothes, then next transition she is in a tight uniform, unbuttoned just enough, or a cheap lingerie set that looks like it was bought for someone else’s eyes. You get flashes of oral, her cheeks hollowed around a thick cock, but it cuts away too soon, almost mocking you. And in the middle of all this, the tone suddenly slides into this weird humor, like a wink to those who know Konosuba jokes and tentacle memes, like the narrator is some half-drunk wiz giving you “NTR survival tips” while the real lesson is just: if you feel it happening, it probably started a long time ago, back when you ignored how she smiled at her “friend” a little too much. The game never holds your hand. It kind of laughs while you squirm.

Mythos feels like somebody smashed together a late night crime podcast, a horny anime parody and that weird urban legend subreddit you scroll on your phone when you should be sleeping, then sprinkled way too many tits on top and said “yeah, this is fine”. You pick if you’re playing as a guy or a girl right at the start, and it actually matters, not just in “pronoun changed, congrats” way. Some scenes twist a bit depending on your body, who stares at you, who you can seduce, whose hand “accidentally” lands on your ass in the train when the lights flicker and the supernatural stuff leaks through. There is this first big moment where you’re at Lisa’s memorial, staring at a photo of your ex who got murdered in some fucked up way nobody wants to explain, and two completely different types of people hit on you almost at the same time: a smug cop with that “I’m totally abusing my badge” vibe, and this soft spoken girl with huge tits spilling out of a tight uniform that should absolutely not be legal in a public place. The game doesn’t stop to tell you “this is a choice”. It just lets you go horny detective or horny victim or both and quietly tracks who you want to bend you over later.

Sex is not just “reward unlocked, here’s generic bouncing”. You’re running around this fake-modern city where vampires are landlords, tentacle things hang out in dark alleys like drunk ninjas and one busty elf professor keeps “tutoring” you after class, squeezing your thigh while talking about mythology like she isn’t about to slide under the desk and wrap her lips around you. There is a scene at a cheap business hotel during a “vacation” that is not really a vacation. You’re supposed to investigate, but instead you spend half the night pinned against the balcony railing by a frustrated MILF who is technically someone’s wife and technically not human and technically doesn’t give a fuck. She rides you slow while the neon signs below blink and you can choose if you pull out or let her take every drop and feel that messy creampie drip down her inner thighs while she laughs and calls you a good little snack. Later the same day, basically in the same clothes, the story casually throws you into this awful netorare-ish angle where you watch through a half open door as a different woman you got close to is getting pounded by some supernatural asshole with a cock way bigger than yours. The game lets you peek, or walk away, or join and turn it into harem chaos. If you stay hidden, you see her begging for more, getting titfucked until her face is glazed and you can’t decide if you hate her, hate yourself, or just want in. And that mood, that messy mix of comedy, jealousy, horror and “fuck it, let’s suck his balls too”, that’s pretty much Mythos all the way through, jumping between murder clues, meme jokes, romance sweetness, corruption temptations and stupidly hot tentacle scenes in the dark where you swear you’re still solving a case while something slimy is filling your ass and your mouth at the same time.

This thing feels like someone grabbed your Steam library while drunk, smashed it together with Pornhub search history and then just said “yeah, that’s a universe now”. You start as this regular dude who absolutely should not be trusted with a portal-hopping device, and suddenly you are peeking into all these twisted versions of familiar worlds. One minute you are watching a redhead archer who is very obviously not Aloy grind her hips on some ancient machine while you are crouched in the bushes like a horny raccoon, next moment you jump to a rainy hellhole that smells like Silent Hill and Resident Evil had a baby, and Lady D is sitting on a throne with her thighs open, lazy as fuck, letting you worship her feet before she even looks at your face. The game does not even pretend to be subtle. It is like “here, you wanted Ellie with a knife and a dirty mouth, and you wanted to see if she kisses girls as aggressively as she stabs clickers? Cool, have a scene where she is shoving some punk girl against a wall, french kissing her while you watch from a half-broken window, hand in your pants, too scared to breathe because she almost catches you.”

The fun is how the game keeps throwing fanservice you did not know you wanted. Jinx is here, of course she is, wired on some shimmer knockoff, riding a dildo fixed to an old Zaun pipe and laughing like a maniac while you sneak under the catwalk to get a better angle on her dripping pussy. There is this whole cyberpunk city shard where Judy and Panam and Meredith all exist at the same time, like some weird mod that never got patched, and you get dragged into this fucked up NTR setup where your character gets to spy on Panam cheating on you with a chrome dom guy while Judy is under the table, licking Panam’s clit like it is some religious duty. You can join in, or you can just sit there and be a cuck voyeur, watching her swallow his dick on her knees while Panam moans your name by accident. The writing goes from funny to cruel in half a scene, like there is a Mass Effect corner where Miranda is using you like a toy, guiding your tongue over her ass, forcing you to rim her in an elevator, and then on the next jump you land in a cold Metro tunnel where Snezhana is giving some dirty, fast blowjob to survive and you kind of feel bad about how turned on you are.

Not everything hits right. There is a Game of Thrones cluster with Sansa, Arya, Cersei and Margaery, and it almost feels like the dev just dumped all their incest porn folder there and called it a day. One scene has Cersei sitting on the edge of a bed, her foot pressed on your chest, making you lick between her toes while she makes Sansa kneel and eat her out from behind, slow and obedient, like a trained dog, and it is hot, but then it cuts away way too soon and suddenly you are in some Tomb Raider ruin watching Lara and Kassandra compete who can make you cum faster with their mouth, and you never get closure on that foot thing. Same with Baldur’s Gate girls, like Shadowheart and Lae’zel and that green disaster Lae’zel’s friend whose name I always forget. One moment you are buried between Shadowheart’s thighs, tongue deep in her pussy, her hand on your hair pushing you to lick her ass too, soft little whines in your ear, and then the game just shoves you through another portal into some cursed TV zone that is basically The Ring with tits. Still, every now and then it nails that perfect mix of naughty fanfic and actual kink. Liara and Miranda double-teaming you, one riding your face while the other rides your cock, your hand tangled in blue skin and black hair, your vision all sweat and pussy. Lizzy Wizzy doing this weird chrome striptease before letting you jerk off on her feet. A lesbian alley scene with Zoe and Clementine lookalikes where they think no one sees them, kissing, giggling, fingers slipping into panties while rain hits the trash cans around them. Some parts feel rushed, some parts feel like the dev had one hand on the keyboard and one on their dick, but there is this stupid charm in how messy and raw it all is, like a huge crossover fanfic that forgot to be safe for work and never tried to fix itself.

Warm sand, lazy waves and that sticky summer heat that makes clothes feel too tight, that is the mood here. On the surface it is just this couple trip, Satoshi and Mary doing the cute romance thing, like some basic visual novel dating stuff, but the whole resort smells like sex and trouble from the first scene. As an ASMR brain I got weirdly fixated on tiny things: the sound of the elevator doors closing while Mary is still breathing a bit fast from being teased, the faint splash from the pool while uncle Kendo’s hand stays just a little too long on her back, the soft clothing rustle from those uniforms she really should not be wearing around her boyfriend’s uncle. The game loves that slow teasing, the “oops I brushed against your cock” kind of groping in crowded places, or that nasty little thrill when you peek around a corner and see way more than you should. It is not screaming moans all the time, more like whispered gasps in his office, tongue sounds during a half-hidden blowjob behind some plants, the wet slide during a lazy titfuck while the fan hums in the background. Those small sound loops are not even high quality sometimes, they repeat a bit awkward, but somehow that makes it feel more pervy, like you are stuck rewatching the same dirty moment in your head.

Story keeps pretending it is about romance, vacation, cute couples selfies and all that, then casually throws NTR in your face like “oh by the way, your girl is sitting on someone else’s lap now”. Mary starts the game as this sweet college girlfriend, normal student clothes, clingy but pure, then Kendo slowly corrupts her with flirty jokes, accidental skinship, then actual handjob routines and hidden sex scenes that only unlock if you picked the more cowardly, negligent choices as Satoshi. Those hurt in a delicious way. Watching her big tits pressed up against that older guy while she still texts her husband-to-be like nothing is wrong, that gave me this nasty ear-tingle similar to when someone whispers right into your earphone on TikTok lives. Some scenes really go for it: lazy oral sex in the office chair while the door is unlocked, creamy vaginal creampies where you can almost hear the thick squelch when he pulls out, her uniform pushed up, panties hanging at one ankle. There is one bathroom scene where the only sound for a few seconds is water dripping and her shaky breathing while his fingers work between her thighs, and that silence before she lets out a tiny whine is so much hotter than the actual animated thrusting that comes after.

Sometimes the humor hits at weird times, like during a pretty brutal cheating-wife moment the game throws in a goofy Konosuba parody reference with Aqua-level stupidity and a Megumin joke that almost killed the mood for me. Then right after, Mary is getting pounded from behind on the balcony, tits bouncing, Kendo grabbing her big ass with both hands, and I forgot I was annoyed. The tone is messy like that. One route had me listening to a police siren in the distance while a stepmom-looking milf with huge breasts lets herself get groped in a hallway, and my brain was like, why is that siren loop so loud compared to her moans. It never gets fixed. The multiple-protagonist thing is sneaky too: you think you are just Satoshi, then you slip into Kendo’s head for a bit and suddenly the same scene feels nastier, more direct, his inner monologue about Mary’s soft thighs and how easy it is to corrupt a bored young wife on vacation. There is family tension, step fantasy vibes, straight-up netorare where your “good boy” choices just make you more pathetic while she learns to love big cock and risky public groping. It is not subtle, not polished, sometimes the animated loops look a little stiff, but that actually fits this dirty-resort energy. Like a summer fuck that got way out of control and left you sweaty, frustrated, and still replaying her breathy little “don’t tell him” in your head when you close the tab.

Lose the image of goofy pirates pulling silly faces - actual pirates faced death and chaos daily as lawless pirate factions and the Royal Navy battle fiercely for the spoils of the Bahamas. The sun-soaked islands hide deadly secrets beneath their beauty.

Caught in the turmoil are Lieutenant John Silver, loyal to the crown, and Sarah Bonnet, a noblewoman with her own agenda. Bound by desperation and desire, they set out to change the course of their world.

Outlasting enemies and satisfying insatiable urges become one and the same. Combat and craving intertwine as you navigate treacherous waters and heated encounters.

Experience the push and pull between a male protagonist’s control and a female lead’s fiery defiance - both on deck and under the sheets. Indulge in voyeuristic moments and multiple romantic arcs that blur lines between domination and submission.

Multiple endings and character-driven narratives weave a complex web of intrigue and seduction in this 2D adult game.

Take command of your destiny in a game where danger and desire go hand in hand. Will you survive to fight another day - or fuck? The choice is yours.

Lily’s manor feels less like a “setting” and more like some horny group chat that accidentally turned into a religion. You’re this smug futa noble with a holy title slapped on top, walking around a house full of maids who have somehow decided your cock is basically divine scripture. It starts simple. You wander the halls, poke your nose into rooms you probably shouldn’t, talk shit, choose some dialogue, watch the girls react. One maid gets flustered when you tease her about praying for your “blessing” and two scenes later she’s on her knees giving that “blessing” the slowest, sloppiest oral in front of an altar like that’s totally normal. It’s half sex game, half “what if Catholic guilt but everyone actually likes it”.

The wild thing is how casual the corruption hits. First, you think: okay, cute nun outfit on this maid, standard stuff. Then you notice how the game keeps pushing that religious angle. Confessions that turn into handjobs. A “purity test” that is literally just Lily ordering a virgin maid to strip and bend over because “we must check for temptation.” There’s a nice little management loop hiding under all the lewd too. You assign maids to duties, pick who goes to the dungeon with you, who stays home, who you “reward” after a long day. Dungeon runs are just classic turn based fights, nothing fancy, but the context makes them funny. You’re beating up monster girls, then five minutes later you’re fucking them into your harem like it’s part of their onboarding process. One slime girl scene caught me off guard: she tries to drown Lily, combat ends, then the game calmly flips straight to Lily balls deep in her while we get that internal view, little animated pulse, and you just sit there like “yeah, that escalated fast.”

I kept telling myself I would focus on one girl, stay loyal, see her whole arc. That lasted until the older maid with the big ass and fake “I’m too mature for this” attitude walked in with a tray and Lily just ordered her to suck her off under the table during a serious talk about “faith.” The game loves that mix of silly and fucked up. There’s ***-ish stuff, some straight up harassment, and then it cracks a joke about house rules in the same scene. You’ll have a futa on futa titfuck against a stained glass backdrop like some kind of cursed church poster, then next room is a shy girl masturbating with a sex toy she “borrowed from storage” and trying not to get caught. Multiple protagonists pop in too, which is weird at first. Suddenly you’re not Lily, you’re one of the maids sneaking into Lily’s room to taste the “holy seed” while she sleeps, and the game just rolls with it. Group scenes get messy fast, creampies everywhere, nuns losing their faith between Lily’s legs, monster girls joining the dogpile, some lesbian side route that pretends Lily isn’t watching from the doorway. It’s all very animated in a way that makes you feel like the manor is alive and kind of sick in the head. My only real complaint is that one door near the chapel that makes the same annoying sound effect every time you click it, but I still kept coming back to it, hoping there was a scene hidden behind it where Lily corrupts the last stubborn virgin and crowns herself “Saint of Bad Decisions” or something.

Sometimes it can be far tougher to stay under the radar at senior high school than sneaking into a secret facility. Blending in with the crowd might actually be harder than infiltrating a global criminal syndicate. Imagine how difficult it is to walk down the hall wearing last season’s skirt while everyone’s eyes are on you, compared to studying a group of muscle-bound gangsters in a tight bodysuit.

But that’s exactly what your girls from "Absolutely Spies" do all the time - whatever’s hard, they turn into a walk in the park! These girls don’t just blend in; they own every room, every hallway, every dangerous scenario. They’re not just spies - they’re masters of disguise, deception, and daring moves that leave everyone else breathless.

In this game, you step into their shoes, navigating the treacherous world of high school espionage where every glance could expose you and every wrong move could blow your cover. You’ll have to choose your outfits carefully because blending in isn’t just about looking the part - it’s about surviving the social minefield without raising suspicion. From dodging nosy teachers to outsmarting rival spies and even dealing with unexpected crushes, the pressure is relentless.

You’ll sneak through crowded hallways, eavesdrop on secret conversations, and gather intel that could topple criminal empires - all while keeping your identity hidden. The tension is electric, and every decision counts. Do you risk drawing attention with a bold move, or play it safe and wait for the perfect moment? The choice is yours, and the stakes couldn’t be higher.

Get ready to dive deep into a world where teenage drama meets high-stakes espionage. Your mission: survive the chaos of high school, outwit dangerous enemies, and prove that nothing is too tough when you’ve got the skills of an Absolute Spy. Are you ready to take on the challenge and become the ultimate undercover agent? Step in, gear up, and show them what real stealth looks like.

Pandora’s Box 2 feels like someone took a slow-burn TV drama about a fucked up family, poured lube all over it, then left the camera running while everyone made terrible decisions with their bodies. Nineteen years passed in the story, but it still has this dirty “I should not be watching this” energy. You jump between the old protagonists and this new girl who walks into the mess like she’s joining a cult by accident. Half the time I was just clicking forward thinking “ok it can’t get more degenerate than this” and then it throws in some smug femdom scene where a woman sits on a guy’s face, talks shit about him while he rims her, and the game is like, totally casual about it. The corruption stuff is not instant either, it feels like you’re nudging people, pushing them from “I would never do that” to “okay maybe I’ll let her lick me while someone watches from the door crack.” And the camera really likes asses here, especially huge ones, it keeps finding angles where you’re basically staring at bouncing cheeks while someone is being used like a sex toy under them. It’s kinda shameless and that’s the charm.

The voyeurism and exhibition scenes are where it got me hooked more than I expected. There is this moment where the male protagonist thinks he’s sneaky, spying on two girls going down on each other on a couch, and then one of them suddenly looks straight at him, keeps fingering the other girl and just smirks. No jump scare, just “yeah, keep watching, idiot.” Later you get the opposite, where you’re basically pushed into being the show: public bathroom stall, door half open, girl on her knees stuffing your cock in her mouth, messy blowjob sounds, some random silhouette passing by outside while she strokes you with one hand and uses the other to play with herself. There is so much oral in this thing, like they really like mouths on everything: blowjob, handjob finishing into blowjob, footjob where she gives you a lazy jerk with her soles then leans down and sucks you just to tease, and even a scene where the girl is masturbating in front of a mirror and ends up licking her own fingers like she’s eating dessert. Also, yeah, NTR is there, not soft, not “oh we held hands,” I mean watching someone you care about ride another person, moaning for them, while you just exist somewhere in the background like a ghost. Some people are gonna close the tab right there, others will hate-click through it, no in between.

The adventure vibe is mostly in how the choices slowly twist the relationships, not in some big fantasy stuff. You’re basically walking through a sexual minefield: say yes to one thing and suddenly a girl that was shy is now grinding on another woman’s face, or a guy who seemed normal ends up licking cum out of someone after getting humiliated. The multiple protagonists make the whole thing feel like browsing different horny Reddit accounts of the same family from different angles. One moment you’re the guy getting a sloppy blowjob while trying not to think about how wrong the situation is, next you’re the woman who knows exactly how much control she has, telling him where to cum like he’s her pet, then you’re with the new female lead, getting dragged deeper into exhibition bullshit where she’s half naked, pressed against a window, getting eaten out, knowing damn well anyone outside could see. Sex here is not just “vaginal, oral, done.” It’s licking, sucking, watching, being watched, fingers in places you didn’t expect, faces pressed between thighs, and that slow, dirty shift where “I would never let her do that to me” turns into “ok, just this once” and then it never stops at just once.

Natsuki really should stop going on vacation. Every time this woman leaves her house, someone ends up buried deep inside her who is not her husband, and honestly, I respect the commitment to bad choices. This time it is supposed to be a fancy hotel date with Yoshihiko, grown up, classy, proper married couple stuff. Champagne, soft music, the kind of evening you post to Instagram with some fake quote about everlasting love, you know? Then they get shuffled into sharing a table with Tatsuki, this rich old gentleman with that polite smile that screams "I have ruined plenty of marriages and slept just fine after." The story just quietly slides from warm romance into that queasy, horny territory where you already know everything is about to go wrong, you just do not know how fast. Half the erotic tension is in the way the game makes you sit through all the little social details: knees brushing under the table, wine being poured a little too slowly, his hand resting a bit too near her thigh. It is not subtle, but in that good trashy drama way. Like watching a cheating wife JAV you know is scripted, but still yelling at the screen, "Girl, you are not coming back from this."

The game hits that sweet, nasty spot where you are not just watching Natsuki get corrupted, you are basically helping gravity pull her panties down. She sits there in her pretty wife uniform, acting polite, blushing when Tatsuki leans in too close, pretending to be shocked when his hand creeps up her leg under the tablecloth. And you get stuck in this loop of small choices, not big cinematic ones. Let her pull away, or let her freeze for a second longer. Let her pretend she did not notice his fingers brushing her inner thigh. Let her excuse herself to the bathroom, where of course the "gentleman" just happens to follow and pin her softly to the wall, whispering about how she tasted that summer, like he is remembering a favorite dessert instead of someone else’s wife. It is cruel in that slow way, where her wedding ring is always right there in the frame while she is getting her mouth stuffed or her legs pushed apart. She gives these little protests, especially at first, all "we cannot, I am married now, I love Yoshi" while her body is already grinding on his cock, her breasts bouncing out of her dress, nipples slipping free. There is one scene at the hotel room door that almost broke me: she tries to go back to her faithful husband, eyes wet, then turns around and walks back down the hall to Tatsuki’s room instead, like her feet just betrayed her. No big speech, no huge drama, just a quiet, horny surrender. Next shot, she is on all fours on his bed, ass up, wedding ring shining while he pumps her full and she moans his name instead of "husband." It is mean. It is hot. It is that kind of story where the second time she cheats feels worse and better at the same time, and you sit there, lonely, clicking through it all on your phone and wondering why fictional people get more intense sex than you ever did.