Dirty Fantasy feels like someone took your Pornhub search history, your old Witcher saves and half of r/LeagueNSFW, threw them in a blender and said “yeah, fuck it, that’s the story now”. You play as this very self-aware male protagonist who is clearly written by someone that thinks he’s a macho god, but somehow it kind of works. One moment you’re chatting with Ciri like you’re on Telegram trying not to sound horny, next moment you’re accidentally agreeing to a threesome with Jinx and Vi and realizing you absolutely clicked through that dialogue too fast. It has this weird energy where all the girls already look at you like they’ve read your browser history and decided they’re cool with it. The world hops from Witcher-style tavern vibes to Piltover streets to some creepy tentacle dungeon that feels like somebody spent too much time on certain Doujinshi apps, but it never takes itself serious, and that’s the charm. You just bounce around, flirt, screw up, then screw, in that order or not, depending how drunk you click.

Sex scenes are the real meat here, shocker. It goes all in: vaginal, anal, oral, titfucks, toys, proper dripping creampies, soft stuff, rough stuff, and of course tentacles that show up exactly when you think “they wouldn’t actually do tentacles, right?” Ahri doing slow, teasing oral like she knows she’s the main event, Caitlyn trying to stay all proper while you rail her from behind, Katarina acting like she’s in charge right until she’s on her knees, Ciri climbing on top like this is some weird crossover mod you forgot you installed. Some scenes are straight-up group chaos, like when Jinx brings “friends” and suddenly you’re in full orgy territory, bodies everywhere, cumshots stacked on top of each other, that kind of animated loop you end up watching three times because you keep catching some new detail in the background. Animations are not perfect, sometimes a hip moves weird or a hand clips somewhere it shouldn’t, but honestly, with a dick in a mouth and a tentacle in places you’re not proud to admit you like, who’s counting pixels. The one thing that annoyed me for real is how long it sometimes takes to actually get to the next sex scene, like you’re stuck in a tease loop while the story pretends it matters. But then Ahri bites her lip, or Vi pins you to the wall, or Ciri asks if you can “go again” and suddenly you forget you were mad at all. It’s messy, horny, a bit trashy, sometimes funny on purpose, sometimes funny by accident, and feels exactly like opening three incognito tabs at once and letting them bleed into each other until it’s just you, a bunch of big tits from different universes, and zero regrets.

This thing feels like someone grabbed your Steam library while drunk, smashed it together with Pornhub search history and then just said “yeah, that’s a universe now”. You start as this regular dude who absolutely should not be trusted with a portal-hopping device, and suddenly you are peeking into all these twisted versions of familiar worlds. One minute you are watching a redhead archer who is very obviously not Aloy grind her hips on some ancient machine while you are crouched in the bushes like a horny raccoon, next moment you jump to a rainy hellhole that smells like Silent Hill and Resident Evil had a baby, and Lady D is sitting on a throne with her thighs open, lazy as fuck, letting you worship her feet before she even looks at your face. The game does not even pretend to be subtle. It is like “here, you wanted Ellie with a knife and a dirty mouth, and you wanted to see if she kisses girls as aggressively as she stabs clickers? Cool, have a scene where she is shoving some punk girl against a wall, french kissing her while you watch from a half-broken window, hand in your pants, too scared to breathe because she almost catches you.”

The fun is how the game keeps throwing fanservice you did not know you wanted. Jinx is here, of course she is, wired on some shimmer knockoff, riding a dildo fixed to an old Zaun pipe and laughing like a maniac while you sneak under the catwalk to get a better angle on her dripping pussy. There is this whole cyberpunk city shard where Judy and Panam and Meredith all exist at the same time, like some weird mod that never got patched, and you get dragged into this fucked up NTR setup where your character gets to spy on Panam cheating on you with a chrome dom guy while Judy is under the table, licking Panam’s clit like it is some religious duty. You can join in, or you can just sit there and be a cuck voyeur, watching her swallow his dick on her knees while Panam moans your name by accident. The writing goes from funny to cruel in half a scene, like there is a Mass Effect corner where Miranda is using you like a toy, guiding your tongue over her ass, forcing you to rim her in an elevator, and then on the next jump you land in a cold Metro tunnel where Snezhana is giving some dirty, fast blowjob to survive and you kind of feel bad about how turned on you are.

Not everything hits right. There is a Game of Thrones cluster with Sansa, Arya, Cersei and Margaery, and it almost feels like the dev just dumped all their incest porn folder there and called it a day. One scene has Cersei sitting on the edge of a bed, her foot pressed on your chest, making you lick between her toes while she makes Sansa kneel and eat her out from behind, slow and obedient, like a trained dog, and it is hot, but then it cuts away way too soon and suddenly you are in some Tomb Raider ruin watching Lara and Kassandra compete who can make you cum faster with their mouth, and you never get closure on that foot thing. Same with Baldur’s Gate girls, like Shadowheart and Lae’zel and that green disaster Lae’zel’s friend whose name I always forget. One moment you are buried between Shadowheart’s thighs, tongue deep in her pussy, her hand on your hair pushing you to lick her ass too, soft little whines in your ear, and then the game just shoves you through another portal into some cursed TV zone that is basically The Ring with tits. Still, every now and then it nails that perfect mix of naughty fanfic and actual kink. Liara and Miranda double-teaming you, one riding your face while the other rides your cock, your hand tangled in blue skin and black hair, your vision all sweat and pussy. Lizzy Wizzy doing this weird chrome striptease before letting you jerk off on her feet. A lesbian alley scene with Zoe and Clementine lookalikes where they think no one sees them, kissing, giggling, fingers slipping into panties while rain hits the trash cans around them. Some parts feel rushed, some parts feel like the dev had one hand on the keyboard and one on their dick, but there is this stupid charm in how messy and raw it all is, like a huge crossover fanfic that forgot to be safe for work and never tried to fix itself.

Thanksgiving in this game feels like somebody spiked the gravy with lust potion and forgot to tell the hostess. You’re dropped in as this cocky asshole of an adventurer who’s supposed to help with a “magical feast,” but honestly you spend more time buried between thighs than near an oven. One moment you’re picking herbs in a sparkly forest, next moment a fairy with tits bigger than her head is straddling your face, teasing you with her wings and rubbing against your nose while she pretends you’re “just helping with pollen.” Yeah, sure. The point and click stuff is actually kinda nice on mobile, just tapping around, poking things, accidentally triggering voyeur scenes because you clicked the wrong bush and now you’re spying on a milf witch masturbating with a glowing wand that hums louder the closer she gets. She keeps moaning about needing “ingredients” while she’s grinding that wand over her clit, and your dude just hides like some pervy little goblin, rock hard, not even pretending he’s there for noble reasons.

The crazy part is how they mix silly humor with really filthy content. You’re chatting with a demon girl about stuffing turkeys, and two clicks later she’s talking about stuffing your ass instead, then shoving you onto a stone table and riding you like she’s trying to break your spine. She has these slight monster girl vibes, horns and tail, curling that tail around your throat while she bounces on your cock, big ass slapping against your hips. She calls it “ritual bonding,” but it’s just her making you cum three times while you beg her to slow down. Sometimes the sandbox exploration feels a little too open and I got lost in some enchanted village, wandering around tapping random doors until I ended up peeking through a window and seeing an aunt-like milf bent over the table, giant tits hanging, getting throat-fucked by some faceless spirit. You can choose to walk away, but of course I stayed, watching, hand slowly stroking under my clothes like some horny loser. I liked that the game just lets you be that creep without judging. The turn based combat is almost a joke, half the enemies are sexy ninjas or demon maids, and half of their attacks are teasing moves. One dark ninja girl pins you down as a “stun,” sits on your chest and makes you lick her through her tight outfit until your stamina drops, then you finish the fight by using some ridiculous superpower that blasts her clothes off and leaves her kneeling, panting, begging for your “mercy.” You can deny her or pull her hair and use her mouth, and the animation when she chokes on your cock, tears in her eyes, is surprisingly hot for something that also has slapstick moments with talking turkey legs. It feels like a horny fever dream cooked by a Disney fan who watched way too much hentai, and I kind of hate how much it worked on me.