First impression: I clicked this thing expecting some dumb meme parody and suddenly I’m stuck in a dark, shitty basement with horny robot furries that look like they crawled out of a forgotten FNaF fan forum and got lost on Pornhub. The game really leans into that “security guard stuck in a cursed place with bad lighting and worse decisions” vibe, but here the jumpscares are less about getting killed and more about getting pinned, grabbed, and teased until you stop pretending you’re not into it. One moment I’m staring at some cheap monitor, checking cameras like I’m working a night shift I didn’t sign up for, and next moment I hear those slow metallic footsteps coming closer, and instead of fear my brain goes, “Ok, but what if she actually catches me?” That mix of tension and horny is very stupid and somehow perfect. There’s this one scene where you’re trying to keep a door locked while this big-titted animatronic girl is on the other side, whispering shit that should not sound this hot coming from a robot, and all the while you’re juggling power, timers, and your own self control that dies in the first five minutes anyway.

It plays like a messed-up visual novel slipped into a FNaF-style wrapper. You get these dialogue choices where you can pretend to be professional and then two clicks later you’re asking a furry robot with massive boobs if touching her chassis counts as harassment. Sometimes the choices feel like they don’t matter, then suddenly one weird answer unlocks a scene where she drags you down below, sits on your lap and uses that cold, hard body in a way that makes you forget how to breathe. The pacing is strange in a good way; there’s quiet moments where you’re just watching cameras and listening to distant noises, almost meditative, almost like those focus apps, then the game slams you into a hentai-style close up of slick metal and soft flesh pressed together. I really liked how some scenes tease you for too long, but also I hated it, because I caught myself alt-tabbing to Telegram and Discord just to cool down, then coming back because I “wanted to see another route” which was a lie. There is one tiny thing that annoyed me, the font in some dialogue feels weirdly cheap, like someone forgot to change a default, and I kept staring at it expecting it to fix itself. It never did. The parody side sometimes goes too far, like it throws a reference that almost hits the mark, then trips over it, but that awkwardness kind of fits; like a horny fanfic that somehow became a real game. In the end you’re just alone with the monitor glow, hearing servos whir in the dark, knowing that if you mess up, you won’t die, you’ll just get fucked silly by giant-titted furry robots in a basement that smells like oil and bad decisions. Dare to keep the lights off.

Ellie is not the hero from the big studio game, but your brain keeps making that connection anyway, and the game knows it. It pokes at it in a cheap, dirty way. You are walking through this ruined world, everything fucked, buildings broken, corpses of society everywhere, and instead of going full survival horror, it slows down and asks how horny you can get when the world already ended. It feels wrong in a way that is kind of the point. She is skinny, she looks young, she talks like some brat who grew up on broken TikTok clips and old world stories, and your choices keep dragging her into sexual trouble or out of it. Sometimes the story pretends you are protecting her, other times you can push her into situations where protection is clearly not your priority. The game does not lecture you. It just sits there, showing you this girl with sc*** knees, cheap hoodie, hungry eyes, and lets you poke around her morals and clothes.

The visual novel format makes it all sharper and somehow more cruel. You tap, you read, you choose, you wait. In one scene you reach an old quarantine checkpoint where a couple of raiders turned the place into a porn dungeon. They trade food for favors, and the game gives you that fake “hero choice” moment. Do you walk away with her starving and pissed, or do you tell her to get on her knees and earn their rations. The writing does not hide what is going on. Cock in face, tears, humiliation, the whole hentai mess, but still in this pretend-serious post apocalypse frame. And then in the next scene you two sit by a fire, she tries to joke about it, you get a dialogue option to act like nothing happened, and it somehow hits harder than if the game tried to moralize. I liked that it lets the dirty stuff be dirty. At the same time, some dialogues feel written by someone who learned English from Pornhub comments and PlayStation subtitles, which is funny, then annoying, then funny again. There is one bit where an infected encounter turns into a weird tentacle-ish fantasy and the game treats it like just another bad day, and here I realized: ok, this is not about realism at all, it is just leaning on the parody of that famous story and ripping off all the emotional weight to feed your dick. In a strange way, it works. In another way, it is trash. I still bookmarked it.

Star Trainer looks like it was made by someone who really liked that cartoon and then got horny halfway through and never fully recovered. You start out thinking “ok, funny parody, some silly dialogue,” and five minutes later you’re already dragging Star around, poking at menus, trying to figure out what makes her blush, what pisses her off, what secretly turns her on. It’s not subtle. She’s got huge tits squeezed into these outfits that are definitely not from the show, and the whole “training” thing is basically you slowly twisting her from goofy magical girl into your private little perv project. The best part is when you find that one option in the training screen that you didn’t expect to do much and suddenly she reacts way harder than you thought, like “oh, fuck, she liked that?” and then your brain flips from “haha parody” to “ok I’m gonna break this girl completely.” The writing swings between dumb jokes and straight-up filthy lines, which weirdly works. One time I clicked through a couple of dialogue branches too fast while half-watching a YouTube video and suddenly she was kneeling, totally naked, saying something so nasty I had to pause the video on my second monitor because my focus just vanished.

It feels janky in spots, but in a good way, like some horny passion project and not corporate porn. Interface is kind of chaotic, some buttons feel like they were slapped in at the last second, and the pacing of the “training” jumps around: sometimes you grind stats, sometimes you hit a scene that’s way more hardcore than you expected at that point. There was a moment where I tried to push her too far, just spamming the more degrading choices, and she snapped a bit, giving me this pissed-off reaction instead of the usual shy “ok” stuff. I honestly thought I broke the game and was low-key annoyed, went to Discord on my phone to complain while the scene was still on, then came back and realized it had actually opened a different path with more intense scenes later. I kinda hated it. Then I kept doing it. There’s also this milf angle hiding in there that I didn’t notice at first because I was too busy harassing Star, and when it opened up I just went “oh, shit” and switched routes without thinking. The game clearly wants you to be a total asshole sometimes, and if you lean into that, the sex scenes get way dirtier, more humiliating, more “trainer” in the bad sense. It’s not romantic, it’s not soft, it’s like you’re dragging these big-boobed cartoon girls down into your own porn brain. But yeah, I still booted it again after closing the tab and pretending I was done with it.

This thing feels like somebody grabbed a Sonic comic, spilled horny all over it, then tried to pretend it was a serious visual novel for like five seconds before giving up and going full hentai brain. You start out thinking “ok, it’s just Sonic talking, some banter, whatever” and then two choices later, boom, you’re arguing with yourself if it’s morally ok to want to rail your childhood mascot. The game knows exactly what you came for and still pretends it’s about “story” just long enough to make the horny parts hit harder. Sonic pops up all cocky like usual, but here his flirting is not subtle at all. It’s literally “hey, wanna go fast?” but now your brain hears it in the dirtiest way possible because of what the next scene does to you. Tails comes in and the whole thing suddenly feels more like a messy fanfic thread someone wrote at 3% sanity and 97% thirst. I clicked a dialogue choice that looked harmless, like just “ask Tails about the mission,” and two screens later his tail is doing things that will absolutely ruin the character for you forever. In a good way. Or bad. Depends how attached you are to your childhood.

The horny pacing is weird as hell, in a fun way. Sometimes it teases you for ten screens of goofy banter and “haha we’re just friends” while the camera keeps hanging a bit too low on certain body parts, then suddenly you’re in a full-on blowjob scene with barely one text box of transition. Other times, you pick the obviously pervy choice and the game is like “nah, not yet, suffer,” and sends you into some parody drama moment where Sonic acts all heroic but the dialogue is written like the writer was checking Pornhub tabs between lines. That’s kinda the charm though. It never feels clean or professional, it feels like horny fanfiction that accidentally grew choices and a UI. There was one scene in particular that stuck in my head way too long: Sonic pinning you against something that’s clearly supposed to be just a random rock, but the way the text describes where his hands go and how you grind against his hips, it reads like Tumblr roleplay logs from 2014, and I mean that as a compliment. Another route has Tails trying to act like a shy genius, but he’s talking about “testing a device” while touching you in ways that are very not scientific. The dialogue keeps bouncing between parody jokes about the old games and completely straight-up porn talk, like “haha remember the chaos emeralds” followed two lines later by “open your legs wider.” It should be stupid. It is stupid. I still clicked every single option to see all the stupid.

What I liked is how the choices sometimes pretend to matter. You pick “tease Sonic back” expecting just a slightly different line, and you instead unlock a more dominant version of him later, where he tells you to shut up while he fucks you. In another run I chose to be more submissive early on, and that turned Tails into this quietly possessive little shit who wants to “take measurements” of every part of your body with his hands. Some branches end quick with just one big sex scene and a few jokes, others drag you through this whole “we’re on an adventure” set up before finally letting anyone get naked. And the parody stuff is everywhere. You get references to rings, chaos, running fast, all of that, twisted into dirty metaphors. At one point Sonic literally compares your moans to the sound of picking up rings and I wanted to close the tab and also replay it. The tone is all over the place, but that makes it feel more human and horny, like that moment when you’re jacking off and suddenly remember a meme, laugh, then keep going anyway. It is messy, a bit cringe, very explicit, and absolutely not pretending to be anything else, no matter how much it flirts with “plot” along the way.

Barely clicked the thumbnail and my brain went, “oh, this is that fake-ass Kim Possible porn I always wanted as a kid but with way bigger tits and way less Disney lawyers.” It is exactly that. Not subtle at all. The main girl is basically Kim if someone fed her nothing but squats and hormones, bright hair, stupid tight top, boobs that look like they’re actively trying to escape, and an attitude that flips between cocky heroine and needy little slut depending on which dialogue option you poke. Half the time I was reading the lines with the cartoon voices in my head and laughing at myself, the other half I was just staring at her tits and clicking through like a caveman.

The whole thing leans hard into that “I used to watch this after school and now I want to fuck it” itch. You got the classic mission vibe twisted into “oops, somehow every situation ends with her bent over something.” One scene she’s arguing about some villain plan and two clicks later she’s on her knees with cum on her face like that was the obvious tactical solution. It’s dumb in a fun way. There’s also the mom version, the recognizable milf variant, thicker, heavier ass, hair tied up, that smug “I know you’re staring at my tits” look. Honestly she kind of steals the show. When she turns up, the whole mood flips from goofy teen parody to “I’m old enough to ruin your life and I’m enjoying it.” Crazy thing is, the game pretends to care about plot sometimes, like throwing in lines about saving the world, and in the next frame her huge boobs are pressed against someone’s cock like that’s part of the strategy. It should feel lazy but somehow it works, like a shitpost that accidentally hits just right.

What stuck with me more than anything: how unapologetic the bodies are. No “almost big,” no teasing. Just big ass, huge tits, stuff squeezed into outfits that clearly lost the fight. Watching her try to “sneak” in this skin-tight thing while her boobs bounce around is hilarious and hot at the same time. There’s a moment where she’s supposed to be hiding and her butt is literally the only thing on screen, just filling it, like the dev forgot the rest of the background. I kept thinking about that later while scrolling Twitter, like, why did that one stupid angle do more for me than half the polished porn I saw that day. The game is horny in a really teenage way, clumsy and over the top, like someone’s dirty notebook came alive and never learned how to behave. It’s not smart, it’s not deep, but it knows exactly what it wants to shove in your face and it keeps doing it until your mouse hand gets tired.

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