Winter nights make horny games hit different, you know? Everything feels a bit slower, darker outside, warm screen light, like you’re hiding in your own little sin cave while everyone else is posting family photos and pretending they’re not jerking off later. Jinxed Mark fits that vibe way too well. It starts with this dude Mark whose life just got kicked in the teeth: grandma gone, future kind of fucked, nothing stable. Instead of some heroic bullshit, he kind of stumbles into this new house, this new job, this new family... and the story quietly takes its pants off while pretending it’s totally about “personal growth”. Yeah, sure. Personal growth. Between tits and trouble.

The thing that hit me first is how openly the game treats the size of Mark’s cock. Not “haha big” but absurd, problem-level big. It becomes part of the entire mood. When he’s alone in his new room and the game gives you that first long, slow animated shot of him jerking off, you can almost feel that mix of shame and “holy fuck I could ruin somebody with this”. The jerk-off animation actually loops a bit too long, like the dev was as into it as you’re supposed to be. And then you go from that to walking into the kitchen and trying to talk to this busty older woman in a thin shirt, nipples almost poking through, and you can practically see Mark trying to hide the hard-on in his pants. The story plays with that a lot: he wants to be respectful, he wants to be useful, but the camera keeps lingering on asses, panties half showing when someone leans over, a bra strap slipping when she laughs. It’s not subtle. It shouldn’t be.

There’s this scene early on where you accidentally catch one of the women masturbating in the bathroom. The door isn’t locked properly, of course, and you get this full-on animated view of her fingers working between those big thighs, her tits bouncing slightly with every little movement. She’s trying to stay quiet, biting her lip, and you can tell she’s thinking of someone, but the game doesn’t say who. That’s where the voyeur part really clicks: you’re not just some camera in the sky, you’re the guy who has to look her in the eyes at breakfast after watching her cum all over her own hand. Later, when she pretends nothing happened and casually brushes against you while reaching for a mug, her tits pressing on your arm for just half a second too long, it hits different because you’ve seen what that body does when nobody is watching. It’s a small moment, but it nails that awkward, horny tension, like both of you are carrying a secret and no one wants to be the first to say “I saw you touching yourself like a slut.”

The cheating angle kind of slides in on quiet feet. There’s a husband, or a boyfriend, or at least some guy who is supposed to be “hers”, but he’s almost like background noise. You hear about him, maybe see him in a scene or two, but the game keeps pulling the camera back to Mark and the women orbiting him. You help with little things at first: fixing something in the house, carrying boxes, late-night talks in the living room with only the TV glow. Then a hand on your thigh that “stays there by accident”, a hug that turns into a slow body press, the first time somebody lets you grope her ass while pretending it’s just a playful bump. It escalates exactly like real bad decisions do: not with big speeches, just a series of tiny horny choices. That first handjob scene in the laundry area, for example, is filthy in a really grounded way. She checks if the door is closed, you stand way too close among the clothes, and her fingers wrap around your cock like she’s trying to see if all the rumors about size are true. The animation sells it: her wrist working faster, that wet sound starting, her eyes flicking up to yours like “we really shouldn’t” but she doesn’t stop. When she finally gets on her knees and lets you cum on her face or straight onto those heavy tits before cleaning it with her fingers, it feels dirty not just because of the semen, but because you both know she belongs to someone else.

Sex here isn’t just “click and fuck”, it actually plays with the situations. There’s a scene where you’re “helping” someone try on outfits and of course it turns into full-on groping, hands sliding under a half-open blouse, fingers digging into big soft boobs while she half-heartedly pretends to push you away. Later on you get the more explicit stuff: tits bouncing in your face while you fuck her from below, her riding you and trying not to scream too loud, that messy creampie when you finally lose it and pump everything inside her while she’s supposed to be faithful to another man. The game leans hard into vaginal sex that actually feels earned by the buildup: you go from spying through cracks and jerking off alone to knowing exactly how tight she is when you thrust in, and the camera really likes to stay there, watching your cock stretch her open again and again. One thing that drove me nuts in a good way: some scenes show your cum slowly leaking out after you pull out, like the game really wants you to think about that “oh shit what if she gets pregnant” moment, even if it never says it. Totally unnecessary detail. Completely hot.

What made it weirdly charming is how Mark is not some smooth anime god. He’s awkward. Sometimes he says something completely dumb in dialogue and you’re like, bro, you had one job. There’s also this mentor character popping in, teaching him stuff, and it sometimes interrupts the horny flow in the most annoying way, like “yes yes your life goals, now let me back to the milf grinding on his lap on the couch, please”. The storytelling jumps from emotional to horny to slightly goofy without warning. I kind of liked it. Also sometimes the pacing drags: you get a great jerking-off scene, a juicy voyeur moment, and then five minutes of talking about work or money where you just want to scream at the screen. But then a random scene hits where she’s bent over a table, panties around her knees, ass raised like a present, and the game just lets you slam into her, grab those big tits from behind, and flood her pussy while she moans your name instead of her man’s. And suddenly all that slow buildup feels worth it in a very filthy, Christmas-came-early kind of way.

King disappears, kingdom is fucked, horny chaos everywhere. That is basically the whole vibe, but somehow it works better than it should. You start as this random "hero" guy who feels less like a brave knight and more like a dude who clicked the wrong banner ad and woke up in a coup attempt. The castle is a mess, everyone is backstabbing everyone, and every conversation feels like it can end either in a political deal or with somebody on their knees. Sometimes both. One moment you are talking about succession laws, next moment the so‑called respectable noble lady is choking on your dick in a side corridor like it’s just normal diplomacy. And nobody even cleans the damn corridors after all that. It’s like the whole court decided that if the kingdom might fall tomorrow, they’re gonna fuck through the apocalypse today.

What really caught me isn’t the "hero saves princess" thing, it’s how dirty the power games get. You walk into a priest’s chamber expecting preaching and moral talk, and suddenly he is trying to trade blessings for you fucking a girl in front of him so he can "inspect" your stamina like some horny HR manager. Then the sorcerer faction shows up, and they’re like, yeah, magic is gone, army is gone, but hey, here’s a ritual that totally isn’t an excuse to have a naked princess tied up while you decide if you wanna go vaginal first or just turn her around and test her ass. It’s not subtle, at all. Half the "history" background is basically an excuse for why this kingdom apparently runs on oral deals and royal orgasms. The funniest part is when the princess tries to be high and mighty queen material during council meetings, and a scene later she’s on her knees between two women, licking one while getting fingered by the other, and you’re pretending this is some kind of political alliance. The lesbian scenes actually feel more like they’re plotting than when they talk with clothes on. And every time there’s a group scene, it stops being a heroic story and turns into "everyone wants to test the future ruler’s holes at the same time." I kept telling myself I’m here for the story but then a maid dragged me into a side room for "urgent service" and I absolutely forgot who is even attacking the kingdom.

The best bit is how the game pretends to care about which kingdom faction you support, while half of your choices are basically "do you fuck this person now, later, or with more people watching." One route has you playing the loyal protector, but you still end up with the princess bent over a balcony while some jealous court lady watches and starts touching herself behind a curtain, like it’s a shitty porno version of court intrigue. I liked that the princess isn’t just a trophy though; sometimes she uses sex on you like a weapon, promising to ride you if you support her claim, then refusing to finish you off till you swear loyalty. And you still swear, obviously. There was one scene where I went to calm her down after another failed council, thinking we’d talk about strategy, and ten minutes later there’s her, a nervous noble girl and a very flexible palace guard doing this messy three‑way while everyone keeps half‑arguing about what laws to pass. It’s ridiculous and kinda hot because nobody even pretends this is romantic, it’s all about tension, status, and bodies. Also the oral scenes go weirdly hard, like someone really enjoys drawing mouths stretched around cocks more than they enjoy drawing faces, but I’m not complaining. I just wish one of these geniuses remembered to close the damn throne room doors before an orgy. But no, leave them wide open, let the forces of darkness walk in and see half the ruling elite naked on the floor, that’ll surely save the kingdom.

A long time ago this guy was a god, like real god, not some cosplay dude with foam sword. People prayed to him, gave him girls, gave him power, all that wild ancient stuff. Then everything went to shit, he got sealed like some scary monster story and the world moved on, forgot him. Fast forward to modern world and suddenly there is this one last believer, a shy little thing who finds an old ritual, thinks it is just weird superstition, and still tries it in her tiny bedroom with her phone flashlight and some cheap candles from Amazon. And boom, he wakes up. Not in a temple, not in some glorious battlefield, but right there between her messy bed and her laptop with porn tabs still open. It feels kind of funny and kind of hot at same time, this mix of epic god energy and super normal modern girl who never even had a real boyfriend and has no idea what to do when an actual ancient sex god is just standing in front of her, already hard, already curious.

From here the story just keeps getting more dirty, but the tone stays weirdly romantic under all the filth, like he actually looks at her first, studies her face, the way her hands shake when she touches his chest, not only how her tits bounce when he pulls off her shirt. She starts as a virgin, nervous, breathing fast, but there is this almost religious hunger growing in her, like her body already remembers him from other lives. When he finally pushes inside her the game does not rush, it stays on that first stretch, the little pain mixed with deep pleasure, her nails scratching his back, his hand around her throat but gentle, almost like he is checking she is still present. Later he gets more rough, there is anal, there is double use where his cock and a thick toy take her at same time and she is drooling on the sheets, but it never feels like some cheap porn clip, more like a very long night that keeps going and going, changing rhythm. One scene that stayed in my head is when he makes her ride a toy while he just watches, arms crossed, commenting quietly how her pussy opens up, telling her to look at herself in the mirror. It is kind of humiliating for her, but she clearly loves it, and I felt like a creep because I loved it too. I wish they used that mirror more honestly, there is something about seeing her own face while he’s fucking her from behind that would make it perfect, but they do not really go back to it.

Later more girls appear, of course, because one worshiper is never enough for a god that is horny and bored after thousands of years. There is a smug office lady who pretends she does not believe in gods, then ends up on her knees giving messy head with mascara all over, and a quiet nerdy girl who watches from the doorway first, thinking they do something wrong, and then slowly gets pulled into the group, tongue hesitating when she first licks another girl, then going deeper like she is tasting something forbidden. The group scenes go pretty far, multiple holes all used, toys everywhere, one girl sitting on his face while another rides him, the first believer holding a camera because he tells her to record everything, like building his own private holy scripture of sweaty skin and dripping cum. There is also this short bit with tentacles that feels like a glitch in the universe, he calls some leftover ancient power and suddenly there are wet, shiny limbs curling around ankles and wrists, spreading thighs open so wide it looks impossible, sliding in places fingers cannot reach. It is only one chapter but it burned into my brain. The game itself is simple, just reading and clicking, no choices, but I opened it again on my phone in bed, on desktop with one hand on mouse and one somewhere else, because the pacing of scenes is strangely addicting. You watch this god slowly change from distant, almost cold, into a possessive bastard who cannot get enough, and these “normal” girls from modern world turn into his little cult of sluts, sharing spit, sharing cock, whispering his name like prayer while their asses are already full. I still think one scene needed more lube, like you can almost feel the burn, but somehow that made me like it more.

Eldmere looks pretty at first glance, like one of those shiny fantasy kingdoms from a mobile ad, but then you realize the whole place runs on control, sex and who’s holding who by the throat. You play this guy who crawls out of an orphanage and suddenly finds himself in the world of “Trainers”, which is basically nobility mixed with professional doms who smile in public and break people in private. Your job is to climb that ladder, one obedient girl and one fake-ass polite noble at a time. The game loves to tease you: big soft breasts pushed into your face while the girl is technically your “student”, that slow bending-over animation where you know it’s scripted but your brain still goes “wait, run that back”, and those outfits that are like three straps away from just public indecency. You walk through those gilded halls and everyone looks like a painting you should not be allowed to touch, but the whole point is that you absolutely are allowed to touch, if you play your cards right.

What got me hooked was how the sex and the power games are all tangled. You’re not just pressing “fuck” and watching a loop. You’re coaxing, threatening, rewarding, humiliating, and your choices actually twist how a girl looks at you later. There’s this moment where you’re “teaching” a noble’s daughter how to behave at a ball, which sounds boring, and then suddenly you’re using her mouth as a lesson in obedience while she still tries to keep that perfect-lady smile. She’s got this massive chest squeezed into some ridiculous corset, and you decide if she ends the scene proud of serving you or crying because you pushed too far. Then later you meet her again and she remembers. Small facial expression changes, how quickly she kneels, whether she teases you with her ass while pretending it’s “an accident”. Stuff like that feels way hotter than just another hentai loop on auto-play in VLC.

The world itself is kind of messed up in a good way. Beauty is a weapon, and everyone knows it, so the girls flaunt it like currency. You’ll have a courtesan with a perfect round ass sitting on your lap, whispering palace secrets while you’re trying not to stare down her cleavage too obviously. The game almost trolls you with how often it puts big tits right in the camera for no real reason, like “oh, you were listening to the political plot? Here, have some nipples pressed under silk to ruin your focus”. I wish some scenes were less talky in the middle, like the pacing goes horny, horny, horny, then ten lines of lore about who owns what estate and which Trainer betrayed which mistress, and I’m just sitting there drinking cold coffee like, yeah yeah, please get back to that maid who “accidentally” brushed her ass along my cock under the table. Also there’s this one background loop in a fancy hall that plays too often and now my brain associates it with getting teased and never quite finishing. But then the game throws another scene where a shy servant girl, who was barely making eye contact before, starts grinding back against you, tits bouncing while she pretends she’s just “adjusting her stance”, and you forget the complaint instantly. It’s classy and trashy at the same time, like someone glued a porno behind a stained glass window and gave you the key to walk in.

You play a guy who has everything on paper and absolutely no control over his dick. Money, status, fancy place, whatever… but your cock only cares about four women who treat you like a chew toy. And not even a respected chew toy. The game really leans into that “you are property” vibe. Not in a fake way, in a “yeah, you’re going to say thank you for getting kicked in the balls” way. It’s built like a straightforward visual novel, but it feels more like a long research project into how far one brain can go with chastity, denial and humiliation before something important snaps. I tried to track all the paths in a Google Sheet, with flags for “got pegged,” “got locked,” “got called a good girl,” etc., and the sheet looks like a crime scene now. Which is good. Or terrible. I’m still deciding.

Each mistress hits a different corner of the masochist brain. One of them handles you like a bored accountant ticking tasks off a punishment list. Another one plays the sweet sadist, kisses your forehead, then sits on your face and uses you as breathing furniture while teasing that you’ll never cum again. There is a strict one that goes hard on chastity and denial, every line from her feels like you’re being downsized from man to toy, and the feminization route where she slowly swaps your clothes, then your pronouns, then your dignity. It’s not just “you wear panties now, lol.” There are full sequences of dressing you, posing you, forcing you to call yourself a sissy while she checks if you leak from the cage when she presses a plug inside you. The writing sometimes reads a bit clunky, but the tone is sharp enough that it doesn’t matter. Actually, the slightly broken English in some lines kind of fits, like your brain is glitching from too much edging.

The structure is simple at first, then turns into this maze of bad decisions. There are training sessions where you pick how obedient you act, and the game remembers. Choose to resist a bit, she might step harder on your chest and lock you longer. Choose full submission, you get called a good girl and humiliated in public. There are denial branches where you think “this has to be the time she lets me cum” and instead she wipes your pre off her boot on your lips and laughs. I had a spreadsheet formula trying to predict which choices open the harshest femdom scenes, and it still missed a couple of secret humiliation CGs because I was too obedient in the early scenes. That pissed me off more than anything. Also, the skip function sometimes jumps over a line I actually wanted to read, and now I will die angry about that. The game loves anal and feet and uses both as tools of control: you get pegged while locked, you lick sweat off heels after being forced to parade in a dress, you get told your dick is useless and your ass is what matters now. If you are into being reduced, feminized, used and laughed at by a small personal harem of cruel mistresses, this feels less like a “sexy story” and more like slow, statistical character assassination. In a good way. I think.

UNDAWN: Shackles Of Eternity feels like somebody mashed a grimdark VN, horny gothic Instagram, and a futa porn doujin together, then actually bothered to give the porn a brain. You play as Rhiannon, who looks like the kind of cold, perfect priestess you’d see on a cathedral mural, except she has a cock and way more emotional damage. The world around her is just ruined faith and half-dead gods, with churches that feel more like brothels for the desperate. Every “holy” symbol looks kinda dirty. You’re basically walking through a graveyard of old beliefs, deciding who to fuck and who to sacrifice, while the game keeps asking you quietly, “You sure about that?” and then shows the consequences in bed later. It’s not a power fantasy where you’re some shining savior. Rhiannon feels like a loaded gun that learned how to think. You get romance, sure, but it’s romance that comes with knives hidden under dresses and tongues in places that definitely aren’t holy.

Sex-wise, the game goes pretty hard on futa on female and actually uses the magic shit for more than particle effects. You’re not just clicking through generic “she sucks you off” lines. You get weird little moments like Rhiannon using a whispering spell to make a nun feel every word along her spine, the text describing this chill that rolls down to her ass while you’re already elbow-deep in groping and fingering. First time you push a cute monster girl up against a cracked stained-glass window and her tail wraps around Rhiannon’s thigh while you rail her from behind, it feels personal in a fucked up way. There’s anal and creampies that don’t feel like checkbox porn tags, more like “oh, you chose to promise her safety and instead you’re filling her ass in a back alley behind a dead chapel, good job.” The harem angle is there but messy, poly in the sense that everyone has teeth. The girls fall for Rhiannon and for each other too, so you end up in these lesbian side scenes where Rhiannon watches them eat each other out, only to join, dick out, and turn the whole thing into a pile of limbs, tongues, and cum. Sometimes it’s tender, slow oral with a shy femboy who looks like he stepped out of a BL mobile game. Sometimes it’s Rhiannon pinning a proud knightess to the altar and pounding her until her prayers turn into begging. The mystery stuff wraps around the porn like a noose. You keep thinking you’re choosing who you love and who you fuck, then slowly realize you’re also choosing who loses their soul piece by piece. And the game doesn’t scream this at you. It just shows you the aftermath in the next “romantic” scene, like a girl who used to be all fire letting you slide into her raw and quiet, because she’s finally broken in exactly the way you helped shape.

There’s this lazy-ass witch lying in a hammock with tits that are technically a health hazard, and somehow you’re the responsible adult in the room. That’s the basic mood. The whole world is this silly fantasy mix of horny monsters, smug magical girls, and weirdos who think “public indecency” is more like a dress code. You’re not just clicking through porn scenes, you’re actually juggling gold, energy and these four stats that sound like some RPG parody: Martial, Mystic, Charm, Trickery. It feels a bit like someone smashed a fetish VN together with a light strategy game and then just… kept all the horny parts. One run I tried to play her as a serious, powerful witch, always picking the smart Mystic solutions, and two choices later she’s on her knees worshipping a monster girl’s cock while her boobs jump up another cup size and I’m laughing at myself for thinking I had control here.

Calling it “breast expansion focus” is almost funny, because it’s not just a tag, it’s the entire spine of the game. Every run ends up turning into a science project about how far you can push those sizes before she’s basically a walking beanbag chair. The wild part is that the scenes change with her size, so a blowjob with small boobs feels totally different than the same encounter when she’s at “crush-her-own-face” levels. You get tiny details like her trying to hold her tits out of the way while she’s riding some furry wolf knight who’s way too proud of his armor, and then later that same guy just buries his hands in her chest and uses them like handles while you watch the text describe how she can barely stay upright. It’s ridiculous. It’s hot. It’s also kind of stupid in the best way. There’s a lesbian witch duel that turns into mutual groping in mid-air, one of those monster girls that’s more teeth and tongue than sense, and a smug noblewoman who switches from icy female domination to being bent over a balcony once you figure out which stat to poke her with. Sometimes you “win” a fight by outsmarting them, sometimes by letting her submit on purpose, because of course if she gets fucked, the stats get weird and the boobs get bigger. There’s no game over, just different flavors of “congratulations, you’re getting railed.”

If I had to give it a fake jam trophy, it’d be “Best Use Of Gravity As A Fetish Mechanic.” The way the writing leans into the size changes is oddly consistent, even when the tone is goofy. At low sizes, she’s flashing people just to get free drinks. At mid sizes, there’s a whole run where she’s stuck trying to squeeze through a dungeon door while a slime monster girl gropes her from behind and it takes way too long, text-wise, but I couldn’t look away. At stupid sizes, there’s a scene where she tries to cast a serious spell, trips over nothing, and ends up pressed into the dirt, ass up, boobs pinned under her chest like two living cushions while some armored monster uses her like a toy. I wished for an option to just leave her there for the rest of the game. The strategy side is simple but not brain-dead, like managing stamina in Hades but horny and slower, and you start optimizing which enemies you want to “lose” to because their dom scenes are funnier. Not every encounter lands, the humor sometimes feels like reddit cosplay captions, and there’s at least one exhibitionism bit in a city square that keeps mentioning the crowd but barely describes a single face. Still, it sticks in your head after you close the browser. That lazy witch, half-asleep in her hammock, tits overflowing her robe, asking if you really want to push for one more quest when she can barely walk? Yeah. Don’t play this on your work laptop. Actually, do. I dare you.

Vanesa’s office looks like one of those high-end wellness apps tried to cosplay as a porn set and failed in a sexy way. Soft lighting, too much white, some fake plant in the corner, and this huge leather chair that basically screams “you’re going to do something you regret here.” You play this poor corporate drone who pretends to be there for “stress” and “performance anxiety,” but let’s be real, you’re there because she’s a futa shrink with big tits, lazy confidence and that slow way of talking that makes every normal sentence sound like a dirty suggestion. The game doesn’t waste time with complex fake psychology bullshit. She asks a few surface questions, looks bored, then starts poking at all your insecurities: your job, your dick, your relationships, your self-control. And she does it while slowly closing physical distance, touching your wrist a little too long, adjusting her glasses while staring straight at your crotch, that kind of teasing that hurts in a good way. It feels like those fucked up horny thoughts you get at work when you see a hot manager walk by and wonder what would happen if you just stopped being a decent human for a moment.

What I didn’t expect is how much the therapy vibe is used as an excuse to blur consent in this very specific “you are technically agreeing but you know she’s playing you” way. She gives you “exercises” that start innocent and then suddenly her hand is on your thigh, and you’re getting a slow, clinical handjob while she keeps this professional tone like she’s reading from a self-help audiobook. When she goes down for oral, she doesn’t transform into some wild porn actress; she stays calm, measured, like she’s testing you, watching your reaction as if she’s tracking progress on a chart. The best part is how she talks about your partner, like a case study. She keeps asking about them, how the sex is, what’s missing, why you’re fantasizing about someone else. Then she casually suggests “practice sessions” to help you “perform better at home,” which is fucking hilarious because you can literally feel she doesn’t give a shit about saving your relationship. There is this cold spark of ownership behind her eyes. The game calls it therapy, but it’s closer to grooming you into her personal toy, and the netorare/netori angle hits harder because it’s not loud or dramatic, it’s slow, it’s a creep of boundaries. One moment you’re fully dressed talking about stress, the next she has your cock in her mouth and she’s asking you, in this calm tone, if you think your partner could ever satisfy you like this. It’s intimate and fucked up at the same time, and the more you go back to her, the less you even pretend you’re there to “heal” anything. You’re just chasing that strange mix of shame, relief, and the feeling that someone smart and dangerous has their fingers wrapped around both your mind and your dick.

This thing feels like someone mashed a horny gacha, a cheap board game from a dusty attic, and a folder of AI smut that escaped from Stable Diffusion at night. You just hit the die, watch the little token hop along the path, and every square is basically asking: are you patient enough to earn that ass, or are you going to get teased with a blur again. It looks so simple you almost feel stupid for how long you keep clicking. It’s like snakes and ladders if the only snake is in your pants and the ladders are made of big tits and half-hidden nipples that refuse to come into focus until you find their “proper” version. I kinda love how dumb it is. I kinda hate how dumb it is. Both at same time, brain and dick arguing like two drunk philosophers.

The whole clothed / nude / blurred thing is the core kink here, more than any “story.” You land on a clothed girl first and later see her nude, it feels like you actually unwrapped something. Like you saw her on Insta first, then somehow ended up in her OnlyFans, but all compressed into a couple of dice rolls. If you hit the nude square before her clothed one, you get this blurry, half-invisible version that sits in your gallery like an accusation. You know she has huge tits, or at least AI thinks she does, but it’s like soft censorship, only the censor is your own impatience. It reminded me of striptease in older literature, weirdly, like in Nabokov where half of the erotic charge is in what you’re not allowed to see clearly yet, except here the author is an algorithm and the plot is “you rolled a 3.” Some of the girls look kind of same-face, like the usual AI pout, gravity-defying big ass and weirdly smooth skin with that uncanny porn-magazine lighting, and once in a while you spot a little glitch in the hair or a finger that’s a bit off, and instead of killing the mood it just makes the whole thing feel more dirty, like you’re jerking off in a backroom of Midjourney. It annoyed me that one particular girl with the best ass in the set kept showing up only as blur for me, like the game knew I wanted her and decided to cockblock on purpose. I rolled past the same boring square three times, got a pair of tits I didn’t even like that much, then finally unlocked her clothed version randomly from a different tile, and that weird delayed reward felt more intense than it had any right to. There is no strategy here, no tactical choice, nothing deep, but your brain still builds little narratives between those squares: she’s shy, she’s playing hard to get, she’s already naked in your gallery but hidden behind fog until you “meet” her properly with clothes on. Total bullshit psychologically, but it works.

What’s funny is how the game pretends to be about randomness while actually being about completionism. You’re not just rolling for porn, you’re rolling to fill a gallery of bodies, like a pervy version of collecting cards in Gwent or catching girls instead of Pokémon. Twenty one girls, double versions, and your inner librarian wakes up and starts screaming that the set is incomplete. I had that moment where I wasn’t even that turned on anymore, just vaguely annoyed that there were still blurred thumbnails sitting there like locked archive pages in some digital Sade notebook. It made me think of old erotic literature where half the fun is chasing the forbidden page or the missing chapter, except here the missing chapter is a big ass that refuses to unblur until RNG says ok. Sometimes the die falls and you land on a square with a girl you already have nude, and it feels totally useless and still you stare again, re-reading the same “page” like an idiot, looking for something new in the curves the AI typed onto her body. I wish there was some twist to the board, like risky branches or punishment loops, but also the stupid linearity is kind of the point: you go in circles around a track of horny images like a dog chasing its own tail, but the tail has giant AI-generated tits. It’s lazy, it’s repetitive, it’s strangely effective, and the worst part is that the girls you like most are always the ones the die refuses to land on, like some cruel little erotic joke between you and a random number generator that secretly knows exactly what you came here to see.