Mike Oxmaul is the kind of guy you look at and think, “yeah, that dude’s gonna have a normal college life.” Then you play ten minutes and realize, nah, this poor bastard is cursed by the porn gods. He’s short, he’s under-equipped, everyone around him seems bigger, hotter, more confident, and the game just loves to rub it in. Half the time you’re laughing, half the time you’re clenching because the humiliation hits a bit too close.

The setting is standard university stuff at first: dorms, classrooms, clubs, parties, a bit of sandbox wandering where you click around the campus and see who’s available. What makes it hook you is how every little choice you make about Mike’s ego spirals into something filthy. Say the wrong thing to the smug futa roommate and suddenly she’s got him on his knees, making him “prove” he deserves to stay in the room. Pick the cocky option with the tall redhead milf professor and you get this scene where she slowly unbuttons her blouse in her office, sits on the desk, and then laughs when she sees what he’s packing. She still lets him bury his face in her tits, then calls him her “tiny little toy” while he tries not to cum in his pants. It’s mean, but it’s hot, and the game just keeps doing that mix of arousal and bullying.

The sex is all over the place in a good way, and the 3dcg animation actually manages to sell the dirty stuff. There’s a scene in the locker room where Mike is hiding in a shower stall, watching two thick girls share a shower and start playing with each other, and you can either stay quiet and jerk it or “accidentally” knock a shampoo bottle. If you fuck up, they catch him, push him against the tiles, and one of them starts stroking his cock with her feet while the other films it on her phone, laughing at his size, threatening to leak it unless he does exactly what they say. Later there’s a club sequence where a drunk married woman grinds on him on the dance floor, her wedding ring right in your face, and if you go along with it you get pulled into the bathroom for messy cheating sex, her bent over the sink, whispering how her husband could never make her gush like “this little loser.”

The game swings hard between humiliation and actual romance in a way that feels weirdly real. One moment Mike is used as a cum rag in a group scene, taking turns giving sloppy oral and getting painted by bukkake while a crowd laughs at his ahegao face, and then a few events later you’re on a quiet date with a shy classmate who admits she’s still a virgin and kind of into smaller guys. You can actually choose to be gentle, focus on kissing and slow vaginal sex, her clinging to him and whispering his name while he tries not to blow too fast. Or you can lean into corruption, turn her into a needy mess who ends up begging to be creampied in a public place, risking pregnancy because “no one notices us anyway.” That mix of sweet and fucked up gives the story more bite than I expected.

There’s a lot of kink variety buried around the campus and nearby streets. Street corners with girls clearly doing prostitution on the side, where Mike can either pay to be dominated by a tall trans escort who makes him lick her heels and then rams his ass with a toy, or stumble into a cheap quickie behind a bar with a big ass milf who demands a titfuck first, squeezing her lactating nipples all over his face. One of the most ridiculous moments for me was a “study group” that turns into a gangbang when a popular girl decides she’s bored, strips naked, and invites everyone to use her while Mike awkwardly watches. You can have him join in and get lost somewhere between thighs and ass, mostly ignored while the bigger guys pound her, and then she still pulls him in at the end, jerking his pathetic cock until he shoots on her face for the final messy finish.

Pacing is a little weird sometimes. You’ll have this intense anal domination scene where Mike gets pegged by a smug futa who keeps calling him her “practice girlfriend,” sticks a vibrator in his ass and makes him walk around campus, then next thing is a goofy humor bit in a classroom about a stupid group project, like nothing happened. The jokes land more often than not though, especially the self-aware ones. There’s one event where Mike is watching porn on his phone, and the video is basically a parody of the kind of inflated hentai bullshit the game itself is flirting with: huge tits, impossible ahegao, milk everywhere, furry ears, the works. Then his real-life neighbor, this curvy girl with glasses, walks in on him, sees what he’s watching, and quietly asks if he wants to try “something smaller, but real.” That switch from meme-level ridiculous to intimate POV oral, with her slowly licking his shaft and teasing the tip while staring up, made me actually shut up and pay attention.

I also kinda hate how sometimes the teasing never pays off. There’s a footjob scene in a lecture hall where a girl slips off her shoes under the desk, starts grinding his crotch with her toes, and the camera angles are great, you feel every twitch, but then the professor calls Mike to answer a question and it just cuts without a finish. No climax, no punishment, nothing, and the game just moves on like it never happened. It bothered me for way too long, I kept checking the walkthrough and everything, and yeah, it still annoys me. At least the voyeur stuff makes up for it. Creeping around dorm corridors, catching quick looks through half open doors, seeing titfucks, anal, some interracial rough sex where Mike can only watch and jerk, hoping nobody notices him, that stuff is done dirty and right. And when a tall, dominant girl finally drags him out of his hiding spot and makes him strip in the hallway as payback, forcing him to stand there naked while she strokes him by hand and makes him cum in front of a small crowd, you realize the game really understands how to mix shame, lust, and a bit of twisted romance into one messy university fever dream.

This thing calls itself “Life is Vanilla” but it’s really that messy, horny, half-true story everyone swears they’ll never tell in public, then dumps in a group chat after three beers. You’re in control of this awkward 18-year-old guy who talks big, watches way too much porn on his phone, and still loses eye contact whenever a girl actually pulls her top halfway up. It has that vibe of early uni convention season, where you’re juggling class, cheap weed, cosplay plans and wondering how the hell other people are already fucking in bathroom stalls while you’re arguing about Marvel canon. The tone jumps a lot: one moment it’s goofy jokes and dumb memes, then suddenly you’re watching your character get his first handjob in a cramped room and the camera just stays there, way too intimate, like you accidentally opened someone’s private Snapchat. It’s all 3D styled in a way that sometimes looks hot as hell and sometimes looks like everyone got slightly too much botox, but somehow that kinda fits the awkward sex energy. And yes, there is a lot of focus on big tits and big asses, not “tasteful” or subtle, more like the game knows exactly why most people click it.

What actually works for me is how it treats virginity and cheating in the same universe without pretending to be moral about it. Early on you’re still a clueless virgin who freaks out when a girl starts slow teasing, grinding on your lap while still fully dressed, just her shirt riding up and your brain short-circuits. Then later, you’re in these situations where some girl who absolutely should not be touching you is doing it anyway, like a “I have a boyfriend but he’s boring” type, sliding her hand into your pants while she keeps talking about totally normal stuff so no one notices. The game doesn’t pause to judge her, it just lets you enjoy the fucked up thrill. There is a scene in a shared apartment kitchen that really stuck with me, the kind of fake-casual exhibitionism where she “accidentally” bends over a bit too far, no panties, pretending to search a lower cabinet while the MC is desperately hiding his boner behind a cereal box. It makes group sex later on feel like a natural train wreck of all the small bad decisions. Of course there’s oral, creampies, clothes coming off in the worst possible order, that thing where a girl spits on your cock first and smiles like she just discovered a cheat code. Weirdly, the only thing that really annoyed me was one shirt texture on a side girl’s outfit that looked cheap as hell. I kept staring at it every time she stripped, which is the most unsexy complaint to have, but it just pulled me out of it and then I’d forget what line I was even reading in the scene. Anyway, it all plays like someone’s overconfident memory of their youth, mixed with shit that obviously didn’t happen, and that chaotic mix is kind of the whole charm, even when it’s trying way too hard and somehow not trying at all at the same time.

You wake up in this cheap looking lakeside cabin, phone still in your hand, and the first thing on the screen is that stupid little trivia app they make you use. At first you think it is just some normal quiz thing, like the junk you play in the bus, but it starts asking really pointed questions. Sex stuff, movies, some random history, then suddenly “what color panties are you wearing” and the MC in game actually looks down to check. That is when it clicks that the questions are not just text, they control what happens in the room. Every right answer gives you a little power, every wrong answer strips another piece of her dignity away, piece of clothing after piece of clothing, with this quiet lake outside the window like it is judging everything.

The main girl has this huge ass that the camera just keeps loving. You answer one stupid question about geography wrong and boom, shorts gone, and she is there in tight panties that are clearly not built for hiding anything. You cannot even pretend you are here for anything except watching her slowly lose the fight. The quiz keeps escalating. First it is light trivia, then it becomes stuff where you are half guessing, half trying to aim the outcome. Like, you know the answer, but you kinda want to see what happens if you “fail”. I had one moment where I purposely picked the wrong capital city just to see if the game really would make her walk to the door and peek out into the night in just her bra. It did. She opens it a crack and you get that side-shot of her big tits barely contained, nipples poking the fabric, and the dark outside like someone could be spying. Maybe they are. The game never fully says, and I like that. Or maybe I hate that. Not sure.

Thing is, it pretends to be “just a trivia test” but actually it is more like a slow, mean strip show mixed with some voyeur stuff. The phone becomes this nasty little host, asking if you want “another round” and flashing wrong answers in big letters so she blushes even more. Sometimes the app vibrates when you answer, totally pointless detail, but somehow made me feel like I was actually messing with her through the screen. I kept trying to get a perfect run and at the same time I kept sabotaging myself because the view when she bends over to pick up her top from the floor is insane, that ass is ridiculous. I left the sound on my own phone in real life by accident and the little notification ping from the in-game quiz overlapped with my Telegram pings, confused me for a second, kind of funny, kind of annoying, and then I forgot about it. The tension is not from big plot twists or something deep, it is just “how far is this girl willing to go if the questions keep coming” and “what if somebody at the lake house is actually watching from the trees while you push her into more and more public exposure.” It feels trashy and clever at the same time, which makes no sense, but that is exactly why I could not stop tapping through questions, half trying to protect her, half trying to see what happens when you fail her on purpose.

Game looks like something a horny Unreal dev threw together on a long weekend, then accidentally made way more fun than planned. You start by offering a room to this cute friend who kinda has that “good girl but also definitely not” vibe, and from there it slowly turns into a corruption factory with boobs. It calls itself light management and yeah, it is, but it’s that sneaky kind where you think you’re just clicking through some events, and suddenly you’re min-maxing her libido, shame and obedience like it’s endgame raid content. The story drags you forward on rails, but the random events and choices are where the filth lives. One moment you’re giving her pocket money and pretending to be a nice guy, next moment you’re deciding if you use a little mind control nudge to make her forget she ever said no to showering with the door closed. It starts very tame: casual teasing, accidental boob bumps, “oops I walked in while she’s masturbating” kind of stuff. Then it shifts into groping during “massage,” handjobs while she pretends it’s just helping you relax, and that slow, evil slide into sleep sex where you stand there thinking, ok, this is fucked up, and then you click “continue” anyway.

What really works is how the superpowers are handled. They’re not big flashy nonsense, more like subtle mental edits. You dial her inhibitions down one notch at a time and watch it reflect in later scenes. Like you tell her it’s normal to walk around in just a shirt, and a few events later she’s doing it without even mentioning it, boobs bouncing while she leans over your bed to wake you up. Then you push her thing for public exposure and suddenly there’s this scene in a crowded place where you “help” her pick outfits that are not clothes, they’re basically excuses for her tits to greet society. It feels less like playing a hero and more like being a pervy system admin of her brain. Oral scenes are nice too, you can feel the progression from hesitant “I’ve never done this before” blowjob to sloppy, enthusiastic cock worship on the couch while some normal TV show is running in the background. And because the game is built around that trainer style loop, you keep getting these little variations: she jerks you off in the bathroom because she’s afraid someone might hear her sucking you, or she’s on her knees under the table, your choice if she chokes or takes it slow. There’s a harem angle starting up too, like you see the hooks: more girls dropping in, more stats to manage, more minds to bend. Management side is simple but sticky, just enough to make you plan which perversion to level first instead of brute forcing everything. Only thing that annoyed me was one specific repeat animation that pops up in different scenes with only slight changes, and now I see it in my sleep. Still clicked through it every time, so I guess the game won.

Thief of Hearts feels like someone mashed a crime thriller with a horny family soap and then forgot to take out any of the messy bits. You play this young guy who is supposed to be a smooth criminal, sneaking around a city full of cameras, cops and idiots, but somehow most of your “heists” end with a naked ass pressed against something expensive. One second you’re planning a break in at a fancy apartment complex, studying guard routes on a shitty tablet UI, the next second you’re peeking through a door and catching your voluptuous “relative” bent over the couch, skirt around her waist, boobs swinging while she fingers herself to some cheap porn audio. Game just lets you stand there and watch, zoom in on her big tits, listen to all those needy little moans, while a small timer in the corner is like “leave before she notices”. Of course you don’t. You stay, you get caught, you get called a pervert, and then five dialogue lines later she’s pressing your hand between her thighs and asking if you’re “as hard as you look”. Morals die very fast here.

The pacing is weird in a nice way. You’re supposed to be building a crew, doing jobs, choosing who to trust, but the real choices feel more like “do you grope her on the bus or wait until she’s in the shower” and somehow both paths end in a blowjob anyway. There is a whole school arc where you pretend to be a normal student, but half the time you’re staring at thick asses in too-tight uniforms, helping some innocent looking girl “practice stripping” for a party that obviously turns into a private dance for you. Clothes slide off, bra hits the floor, she tries to act shy while her nipples are already hard and your hand is under her skirt. The animations are not perfect, sometimes the hips move like they forgot basic physics, but when she’s on her knees and you see that slow, wet handjob morph into sloppy oral, with drool on her chin and this lazy eye contact, it suddenly doesn’t matter. You get a lot of teasing too, women grinding on your lap during group meetings, lips brushing your ear while they talk about “targets” and really mean your cock. There is milf content all over the place, thick moms with heavy tits who pretend they’re oh so worried about your criminal life and two scenes later they’re riding you in the kitchen, tits bouncing, calling you their “bad boy” like that excuses the incest vibes at all. Vaginal, oral, mutual masturbation, some voyeur stuff when you spy on more than one person at once, it all stacks up until the actual robbery feels like a polite excuse to get everyone naked in the same room. I kinda hate how one of the best animated scenes is just a small thing in a stairwell where you pin her against the wall, yank her panties aside and slide in while she tries not to be loud because the rest of the crew is right below you. Also the save menu icon is ugly as fuck and I think about it every time I climax and then forget what I was mad about.

Thief of Hearts feels like someone mashed together a heist movie and one of those horny late night VN titles you only admit playing on alt account. You start as this young guy who is way too calm about doing crime, sneaking around a flashy city that pretends to be clean while you basically fuck your way through all its dirty corners. The whole thing is built around planning robberies and at the same time slowly corrupting, teasing or straight up seducing people who should absolutely call the cops on you, but instead end up with your cock in their mouth. One moment you are checking security cameras, the next you are pressing a stacked woman against a school hallway wall, palming her huge tits while she tries to keep her voice down so no one hears how hard she is breathing. It has that vibe of “I know this is wrong, but I also really want to see what happens if I click the pervy option again.”

The school setting is used as a comfortable home base and also as a hunting ground. You get this fun contrast of doing serious planning with your crew and then walking into class to watch a shy girl pretend she does not see you checking her big ass every time she bends over her desk. There is animated stuff in the sex scenes, so when you finally push things too far, you actually see bodies move, asses bounce, lips wrap around your shaft. First time the game let me secretly watch two characters going at it in a locker room, I just sat there with that dumb grin like “ah, ok, we are doing voyeurism properly.” You can jerk off while spying on them, or wait and use what you saw to blackmail them later. It is fucked up, but also kind of hot how the story keeps mixing moral choice with “do you want to cum again?” The family angle sits right in that line too: you come home from a job and there is this milf relative in tight clothes, huge tits barely staying inside, bending to clean something and you get a dialogue option that is clearly not what a normal person should pick. You go from “innocent” hugs to fingers sliding under her clothes, to her on your lap, grinding slowly while pretending this is still just “comfort.” The game treats incest like another forbidden treasure to steal, not some big dramatic plot. It just quietly escalates until you are fucking her hard on the couch with her moaning your name and trying not to say the word that actually defines your relation.

Sex variety is solid and also a bit rude in a good way. There is teasing everywhere. Characters lean over your desk so their cleavage fills the whole screen, or “accidentally” press their ass on your crotch in a crowded bus, and you can either act cool or start groping, slipping your hand under skirts or inside tight jeans. Group scenes show up once your little team of specialists stops being just professionals and starts acting like horny thieves who celebrate every successful job with bodies instead of champagne. At one point I had two girls on their knees, taking turns with a messy blowjob while another sat on my face, grinding and losing control. Handjobs happen casually, like someone helping you “relax before the mission,” and then they suddenly pull your pants down and slide you inside, turning it into full on vaginal sex without much warning. There is stripping where a character starts just teasing, slowly removing clothes while you pick how rough or gentle you talk to her, and if you push the right buttons she ends up naked on the table, legs open, fingers working her clit while you watch, before you finally move in. The game pretends to care if you are a lone wolf or team player, but honestly I kept picking whatever choice looked like it would give more skin. It still somehow feels like a real heist story though, with tension and backstabbing and all that, only in this version everyone has a big ass, big tits, and half the important conversations end with somebody cumming.

This thing feels like someone peeked into a horny teenager’s brain, but then handed the controls to a guy who actually knows how to push on people’s weak spots. You start as this smug young dude in a house full of women who really should know better, and the whole “family” setup hangs over everything. At first it’s all little moments: someone in a towel that slips just a bit too low, a hug that lasts a second longer than normal, a hand that doesn’t move away fast enough on the couch. It looks innocent if you take a screenshot, but when you’re sitting there clicking and watching the body language go from stiff and annoyed to confused to “ok but don’t tell anyone,” it hits that corruption itch pretty hard. I’m poly, I like when people admit they want more than one person, but here nobody admits shit, they just slowly slide into it, like pretending it’s all an accident while you very much know it isn’t.

The 3D models actually sell it, especially the older women. One has that proper milf energy, big tits and thighs for days, with this tight dress that clings to her ass every time she bends over. The dev clearly worships curves. You get a lot of scenes that start tame, like “help her fix something,” and then somehow she’s half naked, muttering that this is wrong while not actually moving away. Stripping scenes pop up once people are more corrupted, often under some shitty excuse, like “you lost the bet” or “you need to show me you’re serious,” and the game happily lets you lean into humiliation. Blackmail shows up pretty quick too. You catch one of them masturbating, or you “accidentally” walk in when she’s changing, and boom, leverage. After that, you’re not seducing anymore, you’re pushing, and the game doesn’t hide it. There are moments where the main guy is actually sweet for three lines, then turns around and uses a photo to make someone get on their knees. I liked that, then kind of hated it, then liked it again. Sometimes female domination flips the script and she grabs your dick first, but it never lasts long before you’re back in control. What really stuck in my head was one bukkake scene in the living room, where this woman who started all shy and scared is kneeling, covered, breathing hard, staring at you like she’s both angry and turned on. While I was clicking through that I had Telegram pinging on my phone, totally forgot to answer, and when I came back I was still staring at her face thinking, “yeah, she’s not going back to being normal after this.”

Cheating is everywhere but nobody calls it that. People talk about “keeping it between us” or “this is only to help you,” meanwhile they’re riding the guy like they haven’t been fucked in years. There’s no real poly honesty here, it’s closer to a quiet sex cult growing in one house. Some scenes go all the way into sexual harassment territory, like you cornering a girl in the bathroom and not really giving her a reason to say no besides her own shame, and the game just… lets you do it. The writing jumps between kinda clumsy and surprisingly sharp; you get one nice emotional line, then three lines that sound like Google Translate on porn mode. I didn’t hate that, since English is not my first language either, it actually made it feel a bit more raw, less polished. One thing that annoyed me was how often the camera focuses on the same angle of a big ass pressed against a table and then just stays there while the text keeps going. I kept trying to scroll like on Twitter, but no, same shot, more dirty talk. Sex escalates from clumsy boob groping to full-on domination scenes with collars, spit, deepthroat, and that usual “you were a virgin but now you’re my personal toy” line that comes out of nowhere. There was a masturbation scene where one girl is lying on the bed, thinking about the guy, rubbing herself slow, then suddenly she’s moaning like she’s in a porno studio, and I actually laughed out loud, then immediately got horny again. It’s messy, morally fucked, often hot as hell, sometimes stupid, sometimes way too intense, and it feels exactly like something you’d leave open in a hidden Chrome tab and pretend you forgot.

You start as this broke student drowning in debt, already kinda fucked by life before any actual fucking happens. Then this smug, gorgeous succubus basically walks into your shitty situation and goes “yeah, you’re a mess, but I can use that.” She throws you into this weird gig where your job is to sexfight girls from other worlds. Not “flirt then fade to black”, I mean full-on, turn based fights where every move is some horny bullshit. Strip her, grope her, tease her, get her horny enough that she can’t think straight, while she’s doing the exact same thing to you. If she makes you cum first, you’re done, and sometimes it really feels unfair because you’re there planning tactics and she just grabs your dick at the perfect moment and your whole “strategy” dies instantly.

The main loop is kinda evil in a fun way. You’re juggling money, training, and your stamina like some degenerate version of a mobile game. One moment you’re in a fight trying to decide if you focus her nipples or her thighs to break her composure, next you’re in her world visiting her on a casual date that starts normal and ends with her grinding on your lap in some alley. Fights are turn based, but they feel more like dirty chess, where every piece is either a mouth, a hand, or someone’s dripping crotch. You pick moves that focus different weak spots, stack arousal, push them closer to orgasm, all while watching your own bar go up and thinking “shit, I can’t take one more blowjob move or I lose everything.” I legit had one match where I was one turn away from victory, went greedy with a deep thrust option, she reversed, pinned me, and milked me with this slow oral scene that made me actually pause my Chrome tab because it was way hotter than I was ready for.

Each girl’s world is what hooked me more than I expected. You’re not just grinding them like generic NPCs; you go to their places, do small activities, and it weirdly turns into a messed up dating sim. One monster girl wants you to help with some “ritual” that’s pretty much an excuse to tie you up and ride you stupid. Another looks all tough in combat, then you hang out with her and realize she blushes the second you kiss her neck, and next fight she suddenly has new moves that are basically her trying to get you to breed her on the arena floor. There’s futa content thrown in, sometimes out of nowhere, like you’re expecting soft petting and then her cock is brushing against your lips while she pretends it’s no big deal. The art is simple but horny as fuck, especially when you finally strip them completely and the CG changes with their pose, drool, wetness, that kind of detail. It’s not all vanilla either: anal, oral, grinding, being overpowered by a monster girl who pins your arms, making a whole harem of different races who all want a piece of you, it adds up. And in the middle of all that, the game quietly reminds you there’s something darker going on with the succubus and the “contract” you signed, like your life actually depends on how well you make these girls cum, which is honestly the dumbest and also hot idea I’ve seen in a while.

Game hits you with this super simple idea: guess a word, girl takes off clothes. That’s it, that’s the whole brainrot, and somehow I’ve been stuck on it like it’s TikTok for horny adults. It looks like some innocent little word puzzle you’d open on the train, but you absolutely should not open this on the train unless you enjoy living on hard mode. You start with Lisa fully dressed, all cute and casual, big boobs squeezed into this top that honestly looks like it’s begging for help. First round, it feels normal, like normal Wordle vibes, I try “HOUSE”, get a couple letters right, ok cool, brain is warming up. Then the game’s like “nice one” and suddenly she’s just lost a layer and now that shirt is shorter, tighter, and I’m forgetting how English works. You’re supposed to think about 5-letter words but my brain is just screaming “tits” every turn and yeah, that’s a 4-letter word, completely useless for the puzzle and very useful for my mood.

It’s kind of funny how quick the exhibition stuff creeps in. At first you’re pretending, like “yeah yeah, I’m here for logic, training my vocabulary, big brain time”. Two rounds later, she’s in her underwear, ass turned a bit to the side, and you’re suddenly typing like a man doing a speedrun of Duolingo Horny Edition. I had one run where I got stuck on a word with three vowels. Three. I swear the only vowel I could think of was “A” because that’s the only sound I was making. Lisa’s just there, stretching, boobs basically bouncing in 3D like they have their own physics engine, and the game is judging my spelling. The voyeur part hits when she leans closer to the screen, right at the edge of taking off one more piece, and you’re just staring like a creep, waiting for the little green letters to bless you. And when she finally strips another step, there’s this low-key “I earned this” feeling that makes it weirder and hotter at the same time.

Honestly, the worst part is one tiny thing that keeps annoying me. The damn keyboard sounds. They’re a little too sharp, like this plasticky click, and now my brain associates that sound with me getting stupid horny while solving word puzzles. I muted it once and then missed it. Now I hate it again. I’m not fixing that, it’s just annoying. Anyway, the mobile thing is dangerous. You tell yourself “one quick round while I check Telegram” and fifteen minutes later you’re glued to the screen, zooming in like some kind of amateur porn director, tracking how her massive boobs shift each time she changes pose. There was this one moment where I had one guess left, her panties were the only thing on, and the word was something obvious like “SMILE” and my smooth brain typed “SMILEE” and got locked out. She just stayed there, half naked, like she knows I fumbled the bag. I closed the tab in shame, then opened it again like thirty seconds later. Logic game, my ass. Or actually, no, her ass. Big, wiggly, and absolutely ruining my ability to spell five letter words like a normal person.