Christmas comes early in this weird little horny card circus, and it arrives in the shape of a busted casino table covered in nut-stained decks and smug clowns. Imagine taking one of those mobile duel games where you keep drawing shiny cards, smashing them together, thinking about “strategy” like it is chess, then someone grabs your wrist, shoves your dick between pixel tits and says, “yeah yeah good tactics, now cum on the queen.” That is kind of the feeling here. It is like someone asked, “what if we took a serious deck builder and then completely ruined it with horny jokes, harem chaos, and clown faces that stare right into your soul when you misplay.” And somehow it works. Or maybe it doesn’t. I’m not even sure, but my browser history is not proud of me. You build up a deck, you try to make a nice combo, and in the middle of counting multipliers you suddenly care way more about which girl is going to squeeze your cock between her tits if you win the next round. Strategy meets horny brain rot and horny brain obviously wins.

The harem setup sneaks up on you a bit. At first it is just a couple girls teasing you, those 2D drawings with that cheap-but-hot style, like early Newgrounds had a baby with an old hentai flash site. Then you unlock another one, and she has a different “reward” for when you nail the round perfectly. One is all about titfucks, really leaning into that “let me hold your shaft between my boobs while you try to focus on the next hand” vibe. Another is way more into oral, with these long looping scenes where she drags her tongue up and down like she has all the time in the world and you are supposed to somehow play a smart turn while watching that. Penetration shows up too, standard pussy stuff, but laid over the card game in this almost stupid way that somehow becomes charming. You clear a wave, she rides you. You survive a bad draw, she spreads for you. Lose a big round? Back to the menu, dick sad, brain angry, hand still on the mouse like “one more run, I can fix this.” Sometimes the parody of serious card games hits hard, like seeing a big scary boss that is basically just a joker with cum jokes written all over his skills, and sometimes the humor falls flat, but the game does not really care. It keeps throwing new jokers, new card perks, more reasons to edge instead of think.

The jokers are the real degenerates here. They behave like those wild cards that mess with the whole run, except every one of them looks like the kind of clown that would fuck your harem behind your back, then pretend it is a buff and not a debuff. Some of them boost your scores, some twist your strategy into something completely different, and a few feel almost useless, yet you still pick them “just to see” because they have a filthy little effect tied to a sex scene you have not triggered yet. That is where the replay thing creeps in. Not because the game is super deep, even though some of the strategy moments are surprisingly tight, but because your horny brain keeps saying, “what happens if I stack this joker with that girl and stall one more round before cumming.” That one turn where I saved a losing run by risking a terrible hand, only to be “rewarded” with a long, slow titfuck animation while a smug joker card sat in the corner of the screen like it was judging me, is burned into my memory for no good reason. I still hate that the sound effects on one of the blowjob scenes is slightly out of sync with the animation and it distracts me every single time, and they will absolutely never fix it, but whatever. This whole thing feels like a dirty holiday party where the lights are too bright, the music is a bit off, everyone is half naked, and you keep telling yourself you will leave after one last round, then you draw another hand and forget what you were about to do.

Game starts like one of those stupid jokes that hits a bit too close. You play this dude who has a secret stash of hardcore NTR porn, hidden on his PC like it’s some national secret, and of course the waifu finds it. Not just soft stuff either, but full-on “husbands watching while some other guy rails their wife” kind of collection, folders, subfolders, the whole degenerate museum. She doesn’t just yell and cry and run away. She actually looks at it. She scrolls. Lingers on the thumbnails. Some with wives on their knees sucking another guy. Some with big asses bouncing on someone who clearly isn’t the husband. And you get that sinking “oh shit” feeling mixed with this nasty thrill because, yeah, you clicked all that stuff on purpose.

What I really liked is how the whole thing turns from a regular shame moment into a kind of twisted “careful what you wish for” fantasy. She starts asking questions. Why you like watching husbands getting humiliated. Why the wives always have these huge tits and big asses and throats full of another guy’s cock. Why there are playlists just of wives moaning for another man while the husband is ignored in the corner. She calls you a perv but she’s curious, and the game really leans into that curiosity. There’s animated scenes where she imitates things from the videos, at first only with you, like testing the moves. Deep oral scenes where she keeps eye contact, drool going everywhere, boobs bouncing while she works you over, then later there’s this little shift. She starts asking how it would feel if it was someone else in front of her instead of you. Short lines, small questions, that kind of thing that sticks in your head while you’re supposed to be enjoying her mouth.

At some point she stops being just “wife” and really feels like a proper waifu with her own momentum. She has that sweet look, but when she talks about being used like the women in your videos, she turns weirdly confident. There’s a scene where she sits between your legs, leaning on your chest, both of you watching one of your own NTR clips, and she starts commenting on the wife, on how thick the guy is, on the way the husband just sits there like a pathetic cuck. The camera shifts focus from the screen to her, and she’s pressing your hand against her big tits while talking about how it would be “funny” if she tried that in real life. You can almost smell trouble. I mean, in a good way. Or bad. Depends how far gone you are. And yes, the game does not chicken out. There are explicit moments where you hear her moan for another guy while you’re there, and the scenes are not shy about close-ups of her ass getting pounded or her pussy stretched around someone who is not you, while your character reacts like a mix of aroused, broken and proud of being a loser. It feels dirty, a bit toxic, a bit honest, like the dev actually understands why people save whole folders of this stuff on their desktop named something innocent like “taxes_final2.zip” and then pretend they don’t know how it got there.

Caelus here is not the soft idiot from canon. The game basically asks, "What if the Trailblazer actually used all that cosmic bullshit to do the one thing everyone writes in fanfic but Hoyoverse pretends doesn’t exist?" and then never pulls back. Nanook is not some gloomy destruction god, he is straight up horny cosmic troll, like a drunk Archive of Our Own tag come to life. Plot is thin in a good way: every excuse to bend another Star Rail girl, and sometimes literally, into whatever shape your pervy little brain asked for the first time you saw her on a limited banner and thought “yeah I’d roll on that.”

What works weirdly well is how the game treats the whole “canon vs fanon” thing. Half the scenes feel like they were ripped straight from those long smut fics where the author clearly has a spreadsheet for everyone’s kinks. You know those 70k word monsters that start “slow burn” and then chapter 3 is already double penetration and mind control? Same energy here. One minute you are talking about Aeons and Paths, next minute Nanook just snaps reality and suddenly a proud Valkyrie type is on her knees giving this messy, noisy blowjob that would get a Twitch VOD nuked on sight. Then the scene pretends like nothing happened and jumps back to sci fi chatter. It feels wrong in a fun way. Or maybe in a stupid way. I liked it anyway.

The sex itself hits pretty much every checkbox people keep sneaking into tags: sloppy oral that really leans into the sounds, handjobs with way too much focus on fingers and precum, anal scenes where the camera insists on hanging on that first push a bit too long, and then stuff like footjobs that come out of nowhere. I mean it, you are casually abusing some broken mind controlled girl for exhibition in a public corridor, and suddenly she is using her feet like it is the most natural thing in the galaxy, with Nanook commenting in your head like a hentai Reddit thread. It is over the top and sometimes kind of dumb, but in a charming “this is clearly made by a guy who knows every Honkai subtag on Rule34.xxx” sort of way. The harem idea is full power, too. Caelus walks around like the universe itself is his brothel, and the girls, even when they resist at first, end up folded into this obedient, fucked-out collection entirely under his control. The mind control is not subtle. He rewrites them to love being toys, to show off outside with clothes barely hanging on, to beg him to use every hole in the worst moments, during missions, in front of cameras, whatever. And yet in the middle of all that excess, I got really annoyed that one small VFX on a cumshot looked like cheap soap. It bothered me the whole time and yeah, the game never fixes it.

What surprised me is how casually the game mixes sci fi nonsense and raw filth. You get “superpowers” here but not for saving worlds. Caelus uses cosmic energy to freeze time just to keep a girl’s mouth wrapped around his cock at the perfect angle, or to hold her asshole open while he decides if he wants to go back to her pussy or not. Sometimes reality bends so hard two girls exist in the same “moment” giving alternate versions of the same scene, one obedient, one still fighting, and you can flip your attention back and forth like changing tabs in Chrome. It sounds fancy, but in practice you are just clicking through dialogue while the game finds new ways to show spit, tears, ruined makeup and gaping. There is this one exhibition bit where a character is pretended to be fully in charge in front of a crowd, proper captain pose, and then in the next “layer” she is actually riding Caelus, forced to keep a perfect public speech while getting filled and emptied again and again. It is clever. Or maybe it is trash. Kind of both. Fantasy fans will notice half the lore is slightly off too. Some names are wrong, affiliations twisted, like the developer half remembered wiki pages and then said “eh, who cares, she is naked now.” Honestly, they were right.

If you ever read a “what if the Stellaron messed with their libido instead of destiny” fic and thought the author chickened out before the real filth, this is that same story but the brakes got removed, burned, and then fucked.

Lustful Years feels like reading someone’s dirty secret diary that accidentally got really long and really self-aware. You’re inside this young woman’s life while she stumbles through relationships, flings, “this is just casual, right?” moments that aren’t casual at all, and way too many scenes where she ends up on her knees before she figures out what she actually wants. It starts pretty soft, flirting and awkward tension, those little choices like “do I stay for another drink?” or “do I text him back?” and then you blink and she’s got her lips wrapped around some guy’s cock in a bathroom, trying not to make noise while her internal monologue is still going on about trust and love and all that shit. I like that, actually, that the erotic stuff doesn’t feel like separate scenes but like the same messy timeline where one stupid choice at a party can lead to her waking up sore between two warm bodies and wondering if she secretly loved it or secretly hates herself. The game doesn’t hold your hand, it just throws you into her head and expects you to be ok with how horny and insecure and selfish she can be.

The visual novel flow is the usual click-next thing, but it has that annoying habit where you misclick and skip a line you actually wanted to read, and of course there’s a “history” button but I never used it because I am stubborn. Sex scenes come out of conversations that feel a bit too real sometimes, like that moment when she finally stops pretending and just pulls his pants down, holding his cock with this weird mix of hunger and doubt, and the text is describing the taste and the warmth of his precum while she’s thinking if she’s doing this to feel loved or just not feel empty for a second. One route I took, she tried to be all romantic and “wait for the right moment,” and I still somehow ended up with her legs pushed open on a couch, panties half-off, moaning while he fucks her quick and rough because they “don’t have much time.” It’s hot, yeah, there’s detailed oral, messy swallow scenes, him thrusting into her pussy with that wet sound you can almost hear, but between the lines you can feel how fragile she is, or maybe I’m just projecting because I play these games instead of touching grass. Anyway.

What I really liked, then didn’t like at all, is how the choices about relationships are mixed with the choices about sex. You say something small like “I trust you” and three scenes later she’s on her knees again, gagging around his cock, tears in her eyes, and the narration is describing how she forces herself to take him deeper because she wants him to see her as “good enough.” It’s extremely erotic, yeah, but also kind of depressing in a way that turned me on more, which is probably not healthy. There are also sweeter paths, where a slow build-up leads to a tender blowjob on a bed with soft breathing and her fingers tracing his thighs, or a first time where he actually asks if she’s ok before sliding inside, and she moans anyway and grabs his back because “yes” is already obvious. The game pretends to be about love and heartbreak and all that romantic stuff, but the parts that kept me clicking were when she’s half-naked, hair a mess, lipstick smeared, mouth full, or riding someone with her nails digging into their skin, and afterwards the story tries to talk about consequences like we didn’t just spend five minutes reading about how warm it feels when he finishes deep inside her. At some point I forgot which route I was even on, I just followed whatever choice felt nastier, or softer, or just wrong for her, and watched the years pile up like empty glasses on a table.

You wake up on this flying steel hotel called HMS Yuritopia, officially as “new fighter pilot”, unofficially as “dude dropped into a horny anime base”. The whole thing has this weird mood where half your brain is going “ok, we have mission briefings and air combat to worry about” and the other half is looking at the Seraph Squadron girls in their tight uniforms and thinking about literally anything except safety protocols. It starts pretty tame, just chatter in the hangar, some teasing, a bit of MC awkwardness, you picking dialogue options and trying not to sound like a complete idiot. Then very quietly the game puts your dick on a rails and goes, yeah, this is about sex, romance, and also jets, try to keep up.

What I like is how it doesn’t shove you straight into porn from line one. You flirt, you pick sides, you piss someone off by choosing the “cool” answer that actually lands as cringe, and the game remembers it. One scene you’re in the cockpit, comms crackling, adrenaline going nuts while you chase bogeys over some nameless ocean, and then later you’re in the locker room with one of the girls, the air still buzzing from the mission, her boots half unlaced, her flight suit hanging loose from her waist. She lifts her foot onto the bench, starts smirking down at you, and suddenly you’re on your knees, cheek pressed to her thigh, tasting sweat and soap while she rubs her toes along your lips like she owns your mouth. She doesn’t even need to say “good dog”, you feel it. The game loves that kind of power imbalance, like constant little reminders that yeah, you’re the pilot, but they’re the real aces here, especially when it comes to your body.

At some point you end up in this semi-private observation deck, glass all around, stars and clouds outside, and one of them decides to use you as her stress relief. She sits on your face while the ship hums around you, legs clamped tight, voice dripping trash talk. She calls you pathetic in one line and then fingers your hair in the next, sighs like she’s actually proud you know how to use your tongue. You can feel her heels against your back, pressing, like she’s pinning you there so you don’t even think about breathing before she’s finished. Later, another route, you’re in her cabin, lights low, she makes you sit on the floor between her knees while she lazily strokes you with one hand and pats your head with the other, talking in that soft pilot briefing tone about how “a good subordinate obeys every order”. The handjob is slow and almost painfully controlled, she stops right before you cum just to tilt your chin up with her toes and ask if you deserve it. That’s the kind of mean that sticks in your brain. And then somewhere else, way less dramatic, you’re just in the mess hall, talking shit about loadouts and missions, and two girls are basically flirting with each other over your plate like you’re just background furniture, brushing each other’s fingers, trading little looks, and it’s somehow hotter than the obvious blowjob scene that comes later in the corridors when one of them drags you behind a bulkhead, drops to her knees, and uses you to wipe that smug smile off your face, except it doesn’t work because now you’re the one whimpering against the wall, trying not to make noise while she dribbles spit down your shaft and laughs quietly every time your hips jerk. The whole thing feels like romantic drama and horny barracks gossip got locked together in a cabin, and you’re the idiot who knocked on the door at the worst possible moment.

Caligula as porn game sounds like a shitpost idea, but it kinda works here. You play this cocky little psychopath prince who climbs to emperor while his dick basically makes half the decisions. It is not subtle. The game throws you into old Rome where every corridor, bath, balcony feels like someone either just fucked there or is about to. You’re mostly in first person as a male MC, and it leans heavy into voyeur stuff: you watching, you being watched, you pretending you “accidentally” walked in on something even though you clearly followed them. There’s this scene early where you spy on a noble girl getting “examined” by a tutor, she’s still technically virgin so he’s using fingers and tongue, and instead of feeling romantic it’s like you’re watching a lamb get slowly trained for slaughter. That mix of history flavor and really dirty sex is the whole mood.

The game uses real model faces blended with AI art and it’s weirdly hot. Sometimes uncanny, sometimes perfect. One of the slave girls has this expression that looks like an OnlyFans selfie pasted into a Roman villa and I still liked it. It helps with the corruption stuff too, because you see the same girl going from shy, eyes down, clutching her sheet, to later on taking your cock between her tits while also jerking another guy with one hand and trying to keep a straight face for the “public ceremony”. Half the corruption is you pushing them, half is them realizing they like being treated as property. Oral scenes are constant, like the dev just really loves mouths. Short, messy blowjobs in side rooms, drawn out “serve your emperor” worship scenes in public baths, one priestess forced to suck you off on the temple steps while people pretend to not notice. I ranked that one pretty high on my own little spreadsheet, right next to some crazy challenge I did in HuniePop years ago where I tried to unlock every CG before checking Discord for a whole day. Yeah, I lost that challenge. I never learn.

Sex variety is honestly nicer than I expected from a historical setting. Vaginal is everywhere of course, but anal slips in when girls are still “saving” their virginity for some political marriage. There’s one wedding-night scene where you take the bride from behind in a dark side chamber while the official groom is busy drinking in the banquet hall, and the writing goes heavy on the power trip. You plug her ass so she can still technically go to her husband “pure” and she’s half crying, half pushing back. I liked that they didn’t pretend she was totally into it from the start. Same with the forced and male dom scenes: it doesn’t sugarcoat it; sometimes it’s clearly abuse, sometimes it slides into exhibitionism and she starts showing off her body to the crowd because that’s the only way she can feel in control. The game keeps shoving you into public humiliation bits: making girls stroke you under the table in Senate, commanding a handjob in front of a chained rival, walking a naked slave through a garden while senators stare. At one point you jerk off alone after an execution, watching the blood drip while you remember a previous titfuck scene with the victim, and I caught myself thinking “ok, that’s actually fucked” then clicked next anyway. The only thing that really annoyed me was a tiny UI sound on choice buttons, this stupid click that feels like some cheap mobile app from 2014, and now every time it plays I lose the mood for a second and mentally open Twitter. I still keep chasing the filthiest route like it’s a leaderboard and I’m trying to speedrun how fast I can ruin every “good” girl in Rome, but yeah, that little click noise lives rent free in my skull.