Naruto porn games usually feel like some horny dude slapped boobs on a PowerPoint and called it a day. This one actually tries to be an “adventure” and not just a fap machine, which is cute, because five minutes later you’re making Hinata moan against a tree while pretending you care about plot. You start as Naruto, obviously, and the game just throws you into this village map where every girl suddenly forgot what personal space is. One second you’re “on a mission,” next second you’re sneaking peeks at Sakura undressing behind a paper wall, squinting at your phone like, yeah, this is exactly what Kishimoto had in mind back then, totally canon.

It leans really hard into groping and voyeurism in a way that feels almost too on point. Walk into a training ground, boom, Tenten stretching with her tits basically announcing themselves, and the game is just like, “press here to ‘help’ her adjust her stance.” That “help” is your hand on her ass, by the way. No subtlety. The funny part is how the dialogue pretends this is all very serious ninja business. Tsunade is there, huge breasts barely trying to stay inside that coat, lecturing you about discipline while your only “choice” is where you want to grab first: her tits or her thighs. You can go from pervy peeks to full-on vaginal sex scenes in like two clicks, no slow burn, no romance, just chakra-enhanced thirst. I was playing on mobile in incognito on Chrome, and at some point I legit forgot this was supposed to be a parody and not some lost doujin that crawled out of NHentai and got buttons slapped on it.

Specific moments stick in your brain. Like, there’s a scene with Hanabi where you’re “training her Byakugan” and the drill is literally you watching her masturbate while pretending it’s some focus exercise. Or that bit with Karin in a dark corridor where she’s pressed against the wall, cheeks out, and you’re “checking her wounds” from behind. Yeah, sure, wounds. Suigetsu randomly pops up just to be a thirsty idiot and then disappears again, like the dev remembered he exists and then lost interest. The voyeur scenes with Ayame are weirdly hot for no reason at all; she’s just bending over a counter, and the camera angle is so obviously perverted you almost laugh. Then there’s Lady Tsunade again, because of course the game knows exactly why everyone clicked on it: big tits, big ass, big “medical exam” that turns into you fucking her office desk raw while she pretends it’s therapy. Sound is basic as hell, but the low effort kind of works. Those cheap moans through your phone speaker in the bathroom feel dirty in the right way, like watching porn with awful audio on some sketchy site. The funniest part? The game keeps throwing “fantasy” excuses at you, like, “oh no, Orochimaru cast a spell, guess you have to touch her there,” and by that time you’re already one-handed on your screen and not reading anything. It’s messy, horny, dumb as shit, and somehow that fits this universe a little too well.

Sweaty locker room smell, tennis balls bouncing somewhere in the background, and this idiot golden boy who used to be hot shit and now can barely keep his serve straight. That is kind of the whole flavor here. You play this high school tennis prodigy in Japan who is stuck in a slump, and the game just leans really hard into that mix of sports drama and horny chaos. One minute you are trying to focus on drills, watching the coach’s muscles flex while he corrects your stance, the next minute your brain is not thinking about the ball at all but about how that same coach would feel grinding against you from behind in the shower. It does not pretend to be subtle. The writing is sometimes cheesy, like those Wattpad sports fanfics, but because it is always from this slightly insecure, too-horny-for-his-own-good guy, it kind of works. Or it does not. I am still not sure.

The tennis part is not fake, which surprised me. There are actual matches, practice routines, choices about training and rest. Sometimes you are mid rally and the game cuts to a memory of the last time you got bent over a bench in the empty gym, and then you miss a shot. That mix of focus and distraction feels very teen. Your character is supposed to be this future star, but half his energy is going into checking out the other guys: the tall rival with the perfect shoulders, the goofy teammate with a bubble ass peeking out from too-tight shorts, the furry club manager who shows up in a kigurumi costume that looks silly until the route turns really filthy. The furry stuff appears quietly at first, just small hints and jokes, and then at some point there is a scene where a big wolf guy is pinning you down, your legs pushed up, and you realize the game was never shy about where it wanted to go. Anal scenes are not all copy paste either. Sometimes it is rough, sweaty and stupid, with you trying to keep quiet in the school equipment room so nobody hears. Sometimes it is slow and almost romantic, two guys on a futon surrounded by tennis trophies, bodies still sore from practice. I liked that they actually show the body types: actual muscle definition, not just twinks, you get big chests, thighs that look like they can crush your skull, and yeah, the animator clearly has a thing for backs and calves. At least once I caught myself zooming in on one of the CGs on my phone like a perv in a crowded train, because the way the sweat is drawn on the spine is just that nice.

What got me off balance was how often the tone jumps around. You will be having this tense match, the rival glaring at you across the net, and the game is building this serious sports mood, then boom, you are in a scene where he corners you in a narrow corridor, grabs your wrist, and tells you he is going to fuck the frustration out of you. I laughed the first time because it comes almost too fast, but then the scene runs long and detailed, you get dirty talk, clumsy condom fumbling, that small panic when you realize you never properly stretched for this and he is thicker than you expected. The school setting makes it a little extra nasty, in that good way: desks pushed aside, chalk dust on your knees, a sticky spot on the blackboard that is definitely not from the teacher. Men’s locker room, wet tiles, someone’s phone on a bench buzzing with LINE notifications while two guys are pressed together under the showerhead, water washing away lube that never should have been there in the first place. It even works fine on mobile, which I honestly did not expect; I played it mostly on my Android while pretending to check WhatsApp, and those small choices and CGs still look good enough. There are places where I wish the game slowed down a bit and let the sports story breathe more, but it keeps jumping back to sex, and in a way that is exactly what the main character would do himself, so maybe it fits too well. Anyway, if your brain likes the mix of tennis, sweaty boys, and guys getting their asses pounded behind the school gym, this thing kind of crawls under your skin and stays there.

It starts messy, in the best possible way. You’re tossed into this warped version of the galaxy far, far away - not the kind that smells like burnt metal and destiny, but one thick with sweat and bad decisions. The whole thing feels like a fever dream that someone spun out after one too many Holonet smut threads. You’re the guy who somehow made it to Jedi Knight while everyone else got distracted by the war or by each other’s asses (and they’re massive here, holy hell). Half the time you forget why you’re supposed to be saving anything because Barriss bends forward mid-dialogue and the robe just... doesn’t hold. Then there’s Aayla, all cool confidence until her mouth opens, breathing hard like she’s half-daring you to break the code. They all do that. Even Padme - who says words about diplomacy but arches her back every time your name drops. It’s ridiculous and hot at once, like watching porn on mute during a political debate.

The turn-based fights almost feel like foreplay. Every encounter teases longer than necessary, camera angles doing that thing where you can’t tell if you’re fighting monsters or auditioning them for something darker. When Bo-Katan shows up, the whole tempo changes - less talk, more bite - and suddenly the lightsaber doesn’t look like a weapon anymore. My favorite stupid detail: in the menu, somebody coded a “meditation” button that just leads to sex scenes. Lazy? Sure. But it fits. Nothing here pretends to be noble; it’s all dirty Jedi business in slow motion. And when the game finally pops one of those creampie endings, you don’t even blink. You just chuckle, fix the screen ratio on your phone, and keep pressing through because apparently defeat can look like victory if the moaning syncs just right.

Weird thing is - somewhere between the teasing and the parody nonsense - it stops feeling like a joke. You catch yourself liking these twisted versions more than the real ones. Maybe that’s the Force talking. Or just the fact that the writing knows exactly how low you’ll sink for another glimpse under a Jedi robe.

This game hits different when you're scrolling through your phone at work and suddenly realize what you've stumbled into. The premise seems innocent enough - married couple trying to spice things up, right? But then your wife starts getting these text messages and you're watching her face change in ways that make your stomach do weird flips. The animation quality is surprisingly smooth for something that probably took forever to load on my shitty connection, and honestly the way they captured those micro-expressions when she's reading messages from... other people... it's unsettling in the best possible way. You know that feeling when you're watching something you shouldn't be watching but can't look away? That's this entire experience wrapped up in a mobile interface that keeps buzzing with notifications you're not sure you want to answer.

The voyeurism aspect creeps up on you gradually, like slowly turning up the heat until you realize you're completely cooked. One minute you're making innocent choices about date night, the next you're actively encouraging your wife to respond to some stranger's increasingly bold suggestions. The teasing mechanics work better than they should - every decision feels loaded with consequence even when it's just picking what she wears to meet her "friend" for coffee. What gets me is how the game makes you complicit in everything that unfolds, never letting you play the victim card because technically you're the one clicking "yes" to each escalation.

The NTR elements don't pull punches either, which honestly surprised me given how sanitized most mobile games feel these days. Your wife's personality shifts depending on your choices, but sometimes she makes decisions that bypass your input entirely, leaving you staring at animated scenes that make you question whether you're aroused or devastated. Maybe both? The marriage dynamic feels authentic in uncomfortable ways - like they actually understand how couples communicate when they're exploring boundaries they never thought they'd cross.

This thing hits you in the face right away. You open it and the game just starts calling you a pathetic virgin like it knows what tabs you had open before. Male protagonist, first year uni in late 90s Wales, stuck in that ugly campus mix of shitty carpet, nicotine stains, and horny brain. Everyone thinks you will die alone, and frankly the game agrees. Then the goth girl walks in like a walking middle finger to your self-esteem. Tall, boots, chains, black lipstick that looks like it tastes of smoke and cheap vodka. She is not your cute “secretly soft” goth. She is full female domination mode. She enjoys humiliating you, and the game really lets her. Public teasing in hallways, denial until you literally beg, exhibitionism moments where she pushes you close to being seen, and then pulls away only to grind on someone actually confident while you watch from the corner. If you hate netorare, this is a hate crime. If you like it, you will have your hand on your phone more than on your textbook.

What caught me off guard is how the corruption is not only sexual but social. The more you let her step on you, the more other people on campus join the act, and the POV stuff gets nasty. You see her big ass riding someone else through a cracked door while you are forced to hold her bag like an idiot. Or she sends you pics of her sucking off a dude from the football team, with your unread essays visible on your desk in the background. There is voyeurism everywhere, even when you are not the viewer. Sometimes you are the thing being watched: being paraded around as the loser virgin toy in a group chat that you are not even allowed to post in. The game even throws a milf teacher at you, but in that mean way, like, you think “finally, someone kind” and suddenly you are watching her get pounded by a classmate while she grades your paper with a red pen and one hand on his abs. The humor is cruel and honestly kind of funny, like that scene where your phone autocorrects “please” to “pee” while you are begging her to let you cum, and she just runs with it in a way I am still slightly disturbed by. There is a whole mobile phone layer built into the game, with apps that feel suspiciously like WhatsApp and Instagram where you keep scrolling old chats trying to find where exactly your dignity died, then getting distracted by AI generated CG of her in a “maybe pregnant, maybe not” ending that hits way harder than it should. I still cannot forgive the tiny thing where notification sounds are slightly off from real apps and my brain kept twitching every single time, but yeah, I kept playing anyway.

UrbanHeat feels like someone mashed a horny summer slice-of-life with a lazy phone time-waster and then let an AI paint over it while slightly drunk. You’re this guy licking his wounds in a sleepy coastal town that pretends to be wholesome, but every time a girl leans over a counter or bends to pick something up, your brain just goes “yeah, no, this place is cursed.” The game really leans on that slow burn teasing. You’re not thrown into sex in five clicks. Instead it’s a lot of lingering shots of thighs, shirts that “accidentally” ride up, older women putting their huge tits basically on the table while they “ask” for help, neighbors who’re suddenly way too friendly with their hands. There’s this scene early on where you’re stuck on a balcony, pretending to scroll Instagram, and you can watch the woman across the yard stretching on her patio. She thinks nobody sees her, and she gets bolder, and you get dialogue choices that are basically: keep watching like a creep, try to look away, or take the risk and pull your phone up for a sneaky shot. I shouldn’t have enjoyed that as much as I did, but yeah, I did.

What actually surprised me is how much they lean into your character being kind of a perv in training instead of some smooth porn god. You’re awkward. Your hand shakes in some scenes. There’s a very specific moment where a mature neighbor “accidentally” presses your hand against her ass while you’re helping her in the kitchen, and you can either pull back or just leave your palm on that soft, huge curve and say nothing. The build-up to that touch feels better than some full-on sex scenes in other games. Later on, when she jerks you off under the table while talking about totally normal stuff, you already know that hand, that body, so it hits harder. The handjob scenes are actually weirdly detailed, too. They show small stuff, like her slowing down to stare at your face, licking her thumb before going back to stroking the tip, or using both hands around your shaft because, yeah, size difference. There’s one scene in a parked car where a younger woman leans over and starts teasing you with her lips but keeps stopping right before taking you in her mouth, blowing warm air instead. It annoyed the shit out of me but in the best way. I literally had Chrome on my phone in one hand, other hand busy, muttering “come on, just suck it already.” When she finally does, it’s sloppy and noisy and they actually let it run long enough that you feel like your character’s legs are about to lock up.

Since it is a sandbox, the pacing can go weird. Sometimes you’re doing small favors around town to “earn” scenes and it feels like you’re playing errand boy instead of pussy hunter. I got stuck for way too long trying to trigger one particular night event with a thick single mom in yoga pants, and it turned out I just had to poke at a random location icon that looked like background detail. That kind of stuff makes me grumpy, especially on mobile where your thumb misses tiny UI elements and you’re just tapping around like an idiot while some AI-generated milf is frozen in the same pose. Speaking of that, the AI art is a bit all over the place, but in an oddly charming way. Sometimes the tits are perfect heavy melons that look like they’d spill out if she breathed too hard, and sometimes a wrist is bent like a broken Barbie. Asses though, holy shit. They really nailed the big asses. Tight shorts digging into soft flesh, little panty lines, that deep curve from lower back to cheeks that makes you want to grab and bite. The voyeur side of it is where the game feels strongest to me: peeking through blinds at a shower, catching a glimpse of someone kneeling between legs, hearing muffled slurping through a thin wall. It’s not subtle, but it pretends to be. I wish the sound matched that energy more, the audio is kinda generic wet noises and basic moans, but after a few loops I stopped noticing and just focused on the visuals and the tension. And yeah, sometimes the dialogue is cringe, sometimes the AI CG throws a six-fingered hand at you for one frame, sometimes the sandbox flow gets in the way of the horny, but when you finally corner one of these big-titted, big-ass women and she drops on her knees, wipes drool off her chin with the back of her hand and keeps stroking, all that mess suddenly feels like part of the charm.

Jack is that smug asshole you would instantly block on Instagram, except here you’re stuck in the same shitty town with him and his dad owns basically every thug on the street. The girl you play as is doing the classic “good student with garbage salary jobs” thing, dragging herself from school to work, trying to keep food on the table for her brother and her useless father. Then she hears the wrong thing at the wrong alley behind the school gate. Suddenly this isn’t just about grades and rent, it’s about a rich crime prince deciding she’s a loose end that needs to be handled. Small problem for him: she isn’t some screaming victim who faints at the first punch. The first time he sends a guy to scare her, you can actually put that bastard on the ground, boot on his chest, and feel the game quietly saying: yeah, she hits back.

From that moment, everything starts dripping into sex and power stuff, and it sneaks up on you. At the start she is stiff, almost painfully “pure”. First scene in her cramped bathroom, she is doing this awkward fast masturbation, trying not to wake anybody, biting her lip, half guilty, half desperate. Camera stays too long on her fingers and that cheap plastic phone light, you can almost feel how cold the tiles are. Then school scenes bring the slow rot. A teacher “accidentally” presses against her chest when he helps her with homework, students bump into her in the corridor and use every excuse to grope her ass. It begins as these small touches she tries to ignore, then you get dialogue options like “stay quiet and endure it” or “threaten to scream” and both paths somehow drag her deeper. Jack figures out very fast that she has someone to protect, and the blackmail snowballs: one lewd photo in the storage room so he deletes a video, one humiliating blowjob in his car so a debt magically disappears. Sometimes she is trembling, sometimes she looks straight at him with that angry, wet-eyed stare while she is on her knees, spit and cum on her tongue, and it is honestly hotter than any fake moaning. There is a club arc later where she has to strip on stage for quick dirty cash, and if you corrupt her far enough she starts arching her back and grinding on the pole like she owns the place, but there is always this tiny dead look in her eyes that reminds you this is survival, not some happy porn audition.

The game loves crossing the line with control. One route turns her part-time job into this twisted BDSM playground for a rich client, where he uses ropes and toys on her while she pretends it is “just another gig”. She goes in as a virgin just trying to keep her body intact long enough to escape the city, and the first full sex scene is brutally intimate. Slow, a bit clumsy, condom “forgotten” on purpose, you can see the exact second she realizes he is going to finish inside and there is nothing she can do without ruining everything she sacrificed. The creampie is not fireworks, it is a trap locking in. Later, when she actually starts to want it, there are scenes where she rides him in some shady motel, hand over his mouth, whispering filthy things you would not expect from the shy girl from the intro. Oral, rough groping in stairwells, being shoved against the school lockers while pretending to resist because the hallway cameras are on, that kinda pervy tension. Since it is a mobile game, I kept playing on the train with brightness way too low, swiping through choices with one thumb and praying nobody behind me could see when Jack’s hand slid into her panties during a “normal” lunch break. There is this tiny chat popup that keeps asking to rate the game and it appears directly on top of her face sometimes during a sex scene, which pissed me off so much I almost dropped the phone, but then I still went back to check a different corruption branch right after. And I still have no idea why the loading tip keeps mentioning a mechanic that never actually shows up in any route I tried, but whatever.

You boot this thing up on your phone, thinking it’s just some light tennis VN with cute guys, and suddenly you’re sitting there trying to pretend your screen isn’t full of flustered muscle twinks talking about “practice” in a way that is very much not about improving your serve. It starts all innocent, like, “oh, college team, gotta keep your grades up, gotta train,” and two choices later you’re in a locker room, half naked, pretending you’re interested in racket brands while your teammate is basically eye-fucking you. In a good way. Mostly.

The vibe is very “gay college drama if everyone was horny and bad at hiding it.” You’ve got that main guy energy where you’re kind of lost but also surprisingly good at reading when someone wants your dick in their mouth. Some routes push you into slow burn stuff, like you keep running into the same dude after class, he helps you with homework, the tension just keeps building, and at some point you’re not sure if you’re more excited about passing exams or finally getting his cock in your ass. Then another path is just, boom, you’re on the court after hours, it’s sweaty, he’s frustrated about missing a shot, you try to comfort him, and it turns into him pushing you against the fence, grinding on you through your shorts while you’re trying not to moan too loud because someone might walk by. I opened Reddit on my other screen once mid-scene and just sat there like, “yeah, okay, this game is way filthier than it pretends to be.” Not complaining. Well, I am, but not about that.

Sex-wise it goes all in. There are handjobs that feel like they drag out forever in a good way, the kind where the text really leans into the small stuff: the lube noise, the pre cum, the way his abs tense when you twist your wrist just right. Masturbation scenes where you’re alone in your dorm, headphones on, trying to be quiet while thinking about that practice match where your doubles partner pressed his chest into your back “to correct your posture.” Then some of the guys are very into putting it in the back, and the game does not shy away. One route has you bent over a desk, your shirt still half on, tennis bag on the floor, his fingers opening you up while he whispers things in your ear that I absolutely cannot repeat on Discord without getting a mod ping. It’s hot, but it can also be weirdly sweet, like they’ll rail you, then ask about your midterms. Tone whiplash, but in a fun way. And yeah, the characters are furry, which makes it even more of a trip the first time a fluffy tail curls around your thigh while someone’s pounding you from behind. I still can’t take one guy’s ears seriously when he’s talking about “going deeper” yet here we are. There’s this tiny UI thing that annoys me, some tap targets are way too small on mobile and it pisses me off every single time, and then I forget because the next CG is your teammate jerking you off in the showers while you both try not to slip on the tiles. Anyway. It’s messy, horny, kind of dumb in places, kind of tender in others, and it absolutely knows what you’re here for even when it pretends to care about tennis technique.

The whole thing feels like somebody mashed together a horny Final Fantasy fanfic, a cheap mobile survival clone and a beach episode that never ends, then said “yeah, good enough” and shipped it. Which, weirdly, kind of works. You wake up on this tropical island, sand in your shoes, dick in your hand metaphorically, literal later, and the first cutscene just slaps you with that “you’re a loser, now enjoy paradise” tone. The animation in those early scenes is rough in a way I actually like. Faces hold just a little too long, camera lingers on thighs like the animator forgot to hit stop, some lip sync looks like it was done in a hurry during a Discord call. But when Hana leans in close the first time, hair moving in the breeze, you can feel someone really tried. It is not clean. It feels like watching a lewd indie short posted on Twitter that somehow grew into a full game. And then you blink and suddenly there is Tifa in a bikini that never existed in any official artwork, and the game just shrugs, like “yeah, she washed up here, whatever, go talk to her.”

Cutscenes are the best and worst part. One moment you get this slow, almost romantic shot of the island at sunset, the ocean reflecting orange, Hana’s silhouette, and you think “oh, nice mood.” Next moment, hard cut to the male protagonist getting jerked off against a palm tree like a teenager who just learned the word “frottage” yesterday. The camera really loves asses. It crawls over Tifa’s bikini line while she pretends she does not know what masturbation is, then five clicks later she is riding your face in a little looping animation where her hair clips through her shoulders in exactly the same place every cycle. Marie Rose shows up in her swimsuit and that whole “mystery of the island” thing just walks out of the room. The plot starts hinting that the island is wrong, that girls are not just lost tourists, but the next scene is you spanking Marie on the beach while a crab walks through the background like an unpaid extra. The point and click bits are fine, you tap on a coconut, you tap on a girl, you tap on yourself under the water in a badly hidden masturbation loop. Sex toys appear later and the game treats them like legendary weapons, full camera pan, shiny highlight, then you just shove a vibrator between Tifa’s legs in a short looping shot that probably took the animator all night and two energy drinks. There is a mystery somewhere under all the crossover fanservice, but every time you start to care the game distracts you with another animated bikini grinding on the protagonist’s cock and, honestly, that is exactly the kind of trashy commitment I did not know I wanted.

Fashion Spice looks harmless at first, like one more glossy fetish about models with huge tits fighting for the camera, but the game is way more fucked up and strangely smart about how it turns “levelling” into corruption. You start as this pretty regular guy tossed into the fashion agency circus, and the first “stats” you really feel aren’t your strength or charisma, it’s how deep you let yourself sink into the agency’s filth. Every scene is kind of a choice between staying human or becoming the kind of bastard the agency clearly wants. Except, little by little, the game rewards you more when you pick the bastard options. That’s the eroge style gamification here: the more you give in, the more the world opens, more girls, more monsters, more backstage privileges, more private shows in dark corridors with too much red light and not enough clothes.

What I liked is how the sex is not just thrown in like “ok, you clicked flirt, here’s generic blowjob.” There’s this scene early on with a shy new model, she’s supposed to do a lingerie test shoot. If you play it gentle, you get cute romance: slow undressing, tongue-heavy kissing, hands on her big ass, simple vaginal sex on the studio couch, kind of vanilla but sweet. If you pressure her a bit, flirt right on the edge, the system flags that in background and suddenly later on she shows up in some “special casting” where a tentacle horror from the agency’s basement “sponsors” new talent. That scene is a wild mix of fear and arousal, multiple penetration, one slick tentacle filling her ass while another pushes a toy inside her and she’s still trying to pretend she’s doing it “for the job.” It’s creepy as hell and hot at same time, like the game is trolling your conscience. The horror tag really shows when you realize those moaning, animated loops in the ritual room actually react to your past choices, not just play randomly. There is a lesbian path with one of the older MILF models that is way too short though, it builds up with all that teasing in the dressing room, mutual masturbation in front of the mirror, tongue work, nails on skin, then it kind of rushes to creampie with a guy in the next event instead of letting the girls breathe more. You get oral sex scenes where the girl is half terrified of what the agency will do if she refuses, then a moment later she’s riding you like a porn pro, and the game just shrugs like, “yeah, that’s showbiz, baby.” Choices really change who ends kneeling in a group sex shoot, who ends screaming in some bloody, tentacle-filled backstage nightmare, who actually falls in love, but the mobile UI makes some menus feel like using early Instagram on a broken phone, especially when your log of encounters gets cluttered. Still, you’re tracking “trust,” “submission,” weird occult “devotion” values, but none of that is explained cleanly; you just notice that the more a girl lets you grope her in crowded hallways or suck you off between two catwalks, the more the story paths twist into dark romance instead of just quick porn scenes. I kept telling myself I’d aim for the soft, romantic route, protect the girls, but the moment I unlocked the first full-on monster gangbang under the runway, with tentacles plugging every hole and cum dripping on designer shoes, I forgot all that moral stuff pretty fast. The pacing is like a messy house party where some rooms are chill, some rooms are outright satanic, and sometimes you open a door expecting anal and get a psychological horror cutscene instead. If you want to squeeze every dirty drop out of it, poke at the seemingly “wrong” answers, save before big choices, and never trust a contract that comes with champagne and a smile.